Today is bad. I’ve been trying so hard to stop cutting and it was working. For almost a month I resisted and I thought I was better. Until yesterday. It was just one trigger and I had relapsed, which caused me to feel so bad about myself I cut again. It’s like this cycle has no escape. I can’t take anything anymore, I have tiny breakdowns at school, while doing everyday stuff and it feels like I just can’t function anymore. I’m trying, but its so hard, especially having to keep it inside. I made a huge mistake telling my so called friends. Apparently I’m […]

Guru Brahma Guru Vishnu Guru Devo Maheshwaraha

enjoy! 🙂

I have prescription grade sleeping pills, a bottle of wine , and a  plastic bag I’m packing my bags and moving to the afterlife before ww3 starts the world is in a financial decline the US is bound to have a cold war with china lets die and go to gods garden before shit hits the fan and the whole system comes crashing down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think today is going to be my  day. I’ve tried holding on but my pain hurts more everyday and the hurt is getting the better of me. to start as a young child I was molested several times by different people one being my uncle. no one ever did anything about it. as a child I wanted my family to comfort me and make me feel loved by them and have them comfort me. instead they put me in front of multiple therapists and psychiatrists and by the time I was ten had been prescribed to at least 11 different kinds of medication. that […]

I’m getting really good at pretending I’m okey. And I have to, so I can be more “free”, and not have everyone up my ass.

But I’m not okey. I’m not freaking okey. I’m falling apart.

It’s not getting better. 

I’ve been really depressed over the last six months to the point where I often think about killing myself. I recently have confessed to my mom that I’m having suicidal thoughts. She sat me down and told me she loved me and would do anything for me but I’m finding that harder and harder to believe since its been almost a month since I gave out that obvious cry for help and my own loving mother almost seemed to gnore my plea. I need help but my pride is enough to stop me from straight out asking for it. What should I do?

Hey everyone, I’m just wondering how you are all feeling today? Hope things aren’t too bad. *hug*

I know I know it helps for a good future.
But the more people nag about it, the more I want to throw away my books and tell them to study themselves.
EVERY single day I get complaints about school.
(But I’m not one to talk since I’m complaining myself).
When are they going to realise I don’t care about school AT ALL.
Please someone tell them their endless nagging is no use.
-Sincerely a tired (also never studying, failing) student.

05 Bone Garden

Why me? Why is it always me… I’m the one getting bullied, I’m the one getting hated. I have one question, Why?

Why do you hate me for no reason? Why do you bully me? Why don’t you just leave me be!

I feel i’m on lock down at home, no computer, no phone, no nothing.

I still read, write, and find a way to get my stuff back.

Does my mum know? Does my dad know?

Of course not, that would make it worse, though they hate me enough…

My dad calls me goth freak, vampire, emo *****, things like that…

My mum does nothing about it…

All I […]

Im a sophmore boy in high school, and ive been dealing with suicidal thougths/actions for a really long time. ive tried to kill myself twice and im resisting the temptation to do it again. the problem is i have nobody to talk me out of it. i dont have any friends anymore and and have nobody to talk to. there are only a few people who know about it, but they are getting tired of talking about it and cant help anyway. ive been trying to drop hints since i dont know who else to talk to, but people havent been picking them up. ive […]

There are days when i want to just dissapear ….. my life doesn’t make any sense. ..it never did. ….sometimes i want to end my life once and for all ….. i would be much happier …. no one would miss me. i never had any friends everyone thinks I’m weird and crazy. i tried to die 5 times and i didn’t work …… but this time…… this time it will work!!!

You guys should go to youtube and look up “Where’s my wonderland” by Blood on the dance floor.

well I’ve been cutting and dealing with depression for some months now. Ive dealt with anorexia before and then i started to recover. As of recently I’ve started to starve myself again. Also my cutting as gotten worse too. My cuts go from my wrist up to my fore-arm. There not very deep but they still bleed pretty bad…after i cut myself i will put bleach on them so i can put myself threw more pain. I deserve all this pain. Im not so sure what i have done but i feel like i deserve it.

Because of my depression i have insomnia. I usually […]

Rumors fly and lies prevail.

He said/she said bullshit.

Funny how most are inclined to believe the first words spewed.

Ignorance is weakness dressed in wolves clothing.

That’s neither here nor there.

I’ve come to a self revelatory discovery.

People = shit.

Granted, Slipknot discovered this far before me and even wrote a song about it.

If only I hadn’t have been young and naive.

I thought I knew it all.

Of course, I was wrong.

Wrong x 9642268.

Mistakes are lessons.

Or so they say.

I see them […]

Right now it’s around two in the morning and I have just woken up after sleeping since five in the afternoon, I’ve had a lot of anxiety since returning to school since we’re preparing for testing coming up next week but right now I’m applying to a performing arts school program that I dropped out of last year when I was a freshman the applications are due today and I’m writing the letter of interest right now I may not get in but I want to try at least.

Motivated, sociable, confident, excited, content, carefree, intrigued: these are what i should be experiencing….i realise they are what normal people have. Ive been only able to get it from a pill or alcohol for a brief amount of time. Then back to lifeless, driveless, confusion, and anxiety.

I want to feel what most other people feel. No it is not a high as i once thought. It is normal regualr feelings i should be experiencing lile everyone else.

I am not weak i am not lazy….. I am incredibly smart and strong.

if i held on for too long

….i can hold on for a […]

It cant be a coincidence that I am starting to identify the realistic truths about how things are ever since ive started taking the drug risperidone.
I think i am schizophrenic…im becoming increasingly aware that my perceptions are and have been very off.

I am finally starting to see things for what they are… I will challange myself to challange my false perceptions and change them into healthier more rational thoughts.
Maybe then I will allow myself to experience true lasting joy without a conspiracy around every corner. I am starting to realise the truth : that everyone isnt conspiring against me.. That they dont […]

The real me can be dark and cold, but at time caring and compassionate. But most of the time, I put on a facade of being a nice guy, when in reality sometimes I can have the meanest thoughts. This drives me crazy at times, and I feel as if I don’t have any real friends because I’m too scared to just be myself. It’s hard for me to be outspoken, critical, and not afraid of what other people think of me. It’s like I base so much of my self-worth on what other people say and think of me, that even a angry glance […]

My English Teacher Promised Me No One Would Bully Me Again In Her English Class. Well As Again, She Was Wrong. A Guy Wrote On A Paper Saying, ‘You Look Like A Rat.’ And Showed It To Me. A Bunch Of People Started Laughing And Found It As A Big Hilarious Joke. It Hurt! :/

ok. ive fucked up majorly like i said in my last post. i thought i was done with that shit..no. my life just turned again..im now “a selfish ***** who wants to hurt my mom when she just wants to do whatever the fuck she chooses” woahhh. ok. wow. sooo for that statement i was told no wait yelled..i have digested 11 pillsXD
i just want a normal life. that i will never have. im too much of a fuck up..just like my family. i cant don shit. so fuck it fuck my life. i just wish i can die…now. well i was going to […]