I havent been cut for a month now. Im a HERO. but something about the atmosphere today makes me feel wothless. Feelin alone! I dont wanna feel the same ,like i used to. I want to be happy:|

I can honestly say you’ve been on my mind all since i started talking to you,

I look at our conversations all the time, these memories come back to life

And it hurts inside

I remeber when you lied, you said you loved me,

That time when your called me our princess and baby girl

i remeber the simple things, i remeber till i cry

but the one thing i wanna forget is goodbye<3

What the fuck? The other day you were saying you loved me and how much i meant to you, you made me feel wanted, loved accpeted, you brought me out the dumps, my rock. But then things went wierd, you started to ignor me, so i message you “just asking but have i done something wrong?” and then his GIRLFRIEND replies from HIS phone, “This is his gf who thw fuck is tthis” and ofcourse im like, his  girlfriend? he said he was single, why is she messaging me, he has my number, why is she asking? So i reply “Who is this” as in […]

~Broken~

When will you learn?

That I am not always going to be there

For you to vent you’re anger on,

That I am not a toy to you,

And you will push me to the brink

I will hurt, over and over,

Cutting deeper and deeper

Until everything in me is ruined,

Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.

When will you try?

To help me

To stop hurting me

To make me feel like I was supposed to be born

To help me not be afraid

Of you,

Of trusting you,

Of loving you,

’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart

I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,

To mold them […]

Dont sit on the sidelines.. its time to Fight back.. Ive always fought back..to prove i wont and dont have to put up with this..last option, Suicide if all else fails… your choice.. and its Always an option.. Keep fighting.. and if it comes to suicide.. then choose wisely..

Hey everyone, I know this website is more for people who are hurting right now. But If you are willing to share your story on facebook and my blog i would love to see it. I have had a few of you do this already and you answered me back with how all the positive fed back changed your life. So hopefully this could help someone else. To tell your story you dont have to be fully recovered you just need to be okay with sharing. I know for a fact it helps other people i personally go speak to other schools and talk to […]

the warm fuzzy feeling i had last week didn’t last too long. the feeling that maybe life isn’t such a bad thing and maybe there was hope for the future. my talent for self sabotage rears its head again. it is a talent rooted in self protection. always waiting for the other shoe to drop. no good deed goes unpunished so to speak. if i feel good about myself and life karma always seems to find a way to kick me in the ass. i tell you god is one twisted mofo. but as i am constantly reminded i am still here. can’t be all […]

I get so tired of waiting for a new day

Searching for an answer, to make this all go away

Like broken fingers fumbling for a grip on needle and thread

To stitch the wounds of the past

But I’m not sure how much longer I can last

I scream out your name

And tell you that I’m the one to blame

But I’ve waited too long

And now that you’re gone

I’m wading through a river of tears

With the weight of all my disgrace

Dragging me beneath the currents of fate

Chewing my heart out just to survive

I’m struggling, to keep this soul alive

My body now an empty vessel

Void of dignity and hope

Slowly filling with […]

I know I already did, but this time, I’ll do it in songs! How fun! Hahaha. Anyways, we’ll start from when my grandpa died, and my dad almost died: Hello by Evanescence. I can’t explain how it relates, but that’s what I always listen to. Next up, when my dog died. My Last Breath by Evanescence. Again, the events of her death really go along with the song. After she died, I found a song that I would sing when I missed her. It’s: Goodbye My Friend by Linda Ronstadt. Then, my grandma went insane and hates me. For this, I kinda think of Imaginary […]

I act on stage. I’m not that great, and the productions are small & forgettable, but to me each performance means the world. I guess it’s because it’s one of the rare times I get to step out of my miserable existence and pretend I’m someone else. And the audience, however small, validates this “character” I’m pretending to be. After the show I hurry home and resume being my real wretched self, playing to an audience of 0.

I’m sick of it. Sick of living for just those few moments on stage when I’m pretending to be something else, then having to spend days alone with […]

Be strong now, because things will get better
It my be stormy, but it cant Rain forever

I thought my life was perfect. Not perfect. “perfect” but perfect enough for me. My parents are annulled but it didn’t matter because I knew they both loved me. During high school I was in a great amazing place, on the honour roll, just got accepted into my first choice college and all the colleges I applied to in fact. My biggest problem then was a huge maybe relationship with my boy best friend.

That ended quickly.

And along with it high school. I was going away now to University. It was both scary and refreshing. I have had more things happen to me in the last […]

everytime i think about it, it becomes real. the hate and the pain and the unrealistic feeling that knaws at me as i cry. this guilt hidden inside that masks my deadness to the world. i laugh and i smile just to hide the pain lingering inside. im a threat to my own life. sometimes when i cry i make believe that they aren’t my own tears. and if i believe it then maybe i won’t feel like shit but i never believe it some one tell me that im not crazy…its my fault that they leaft me and now they resent me i need […]

I’m really not. I wanted to go to school and see Trevor, but I could hardly get up. My lower right abdomen was hurting so, so badly that I couldn’t move. I finally fought through the pain, got up, and talked to my mom about it. She thinks that I may have Appendicitis. If I do, I’m not really worried. She made it sound all bad, but it’s not really. Sure, it could kill me, but there’s a small chance of that happening. I even went on WebMD to see if I might have it. (I’m probably going to the doctor when his office opens) […]

My entire life is built on escaping the past. But somehow people feel the need to dig it up and throw it in my face.

The one person who had a snail’s chance in hell of stopping my suicide is out of my life. Why? Because she dug up something I did 20 years ago, practically before she was born, and she threw it in my face. I’m so sick of being judged by people. Nobody knows what really happened, and I’m long past it. So I thought.

I will say this til my dying day (which just got closer), there is no such thing as […]

A quote of the day that saved me, “Get a handle of anxiety before you deal with everything.” This is where I struggle. It only saved me for a moment but I’m afraid I’m going to approach another day where I build up stress in trying or wanting to discover my identity. I want to know who I am. But it seems that killing yourself is an easier way. At first I would visit a school counselor starting 7th grade. Until junior year I started to have suicide thoughts. My first plan was to die peacefully by drowning in the pool With a 30 lb. […]

I don’t know if I’m depressed, I don’t think I’ll ever kill myself, I just feel as if I could die and not much would be lost. Sometimes I feel as though everybody wants me gone, but I doubt I’d ever hurt kill myself.

I don’t have amazing grades, I’m not very pretty and I’m not popular. I don’t mind not being popular or pretty, I don’t have much in common with most kids my age and I can’t help being born a certain way. Hell, not being smart is even okay too, I just hate that people expect me to be.

When people see me they can […]

Im here bc i need to pour my heart out somewhere rn. what better place than here, in public, to people who feel what i do? i used to post regularly on this, i’d always try to look on the bright side of things, try to hold on. but what bright side? what do i hold on to? there’s nothing,anymore. im tired of being my own hero. i don’t plan on staying here much longer, maybe until the end of march, little before april starts, maybe around 20-25th. i really don’t know how to tho, the pills i tried last time did not work. i […]

All through out my life I’ve been last. No matter what I do, it’s never good enough for anyone. It doesn’t help that I’ll do whatever anyone asks me to do. I can’t say no. I get beat at school, and when I ask why, they always say ” because someone as ugly as you doesn’t deserve to be treated with respect.” I always hear people talking behind my back, mostly about my weight or my looks. All of my “friends” leave me, saying that I’m too boring, or they can’t be seen with me. Everyday I think of ways to die, there isn’t a […]