I often find myself wondering why I’m here. Why do I exist if no one really seems to want me around. I find myself crying myself to sleep and hoping I don’t wake up. I always feel that everyone would be much better off without me anyhow. Less arguing, more money for my family, shit. I bet they would be happier too, since I am the reason that they argue as often as they do. I need a reason to be here.. Because I’ve run out of them.

My whole life I’ve always thought of  myself to be this “good girl”. Like success was the only option and I was so confident that I’d get the whole “storybook” lifestyle. And I’m not someone who believes things are handed to you so I knew there would be some hardships but I just don’t think anyone should go through such constant disappointments. I think I’ve reached my limit, I’ve completely lost myself. Nothing I do makes any sense to me But I just can’t stop it. I just want to be happy, but I never can. I’ve always been a good student but I’m flunking […]

It’ll get better you just gotta wait! I’ve been waiting for years and nothing has changed. And you still say have hope, well has that helped? Nope.
never has, never will and yet you keep saying it still.
“Don’t give up J, it will”
It will in a pill, it will in a rope. Stop saying have hope i’d rather slit my throught, there’s no better way to go than fast and quiet, though iv’e never had the guts to even try it.
Someday i’ll be too weak,
someday i’ll stop fighting. that day will be very exciting. energy would surge through me llike lightning. […]

I don’t post so often. I know no one is interested in reading this shit but it feels okay writing.

I’m gonna overdose on new year I will probably not be dead but it’s okay for me when i’m poisoned so this shit body can suffer. It would be even more amazing if i would go into coma. Would love that.

Anyway that’s it. Love you all.

So as it turns out one of my closest friends is gay. He came out about 4 days ago and we were all shocked because he has had more GF’s than me in the past. We didn’t really know what to say, we couldn’t really say much since he just text us this.

We all met up the other night and it was the first real test to see if things were going to be different just because he was gay.  I like to think we are an open minded bunch, and I also liked to think that I am not prejudiced against anyone for any reason.  But you never really know if your comfortable […]

I went for a walk tonight and it occurred to me that maybe there are just too many people in the world. Maybe somehow the universe just created too many people and some of us are just not needed. Perhaps I am one of the people that isn’t really meant to be here. I really am unwanted. I have no friends. Yes, I have people that I talk to at work, but no real friends. I am 37, I work in a professional job. I don’t have kids. I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 7 years (we don’t live […]

Whatever it might cost, a look into the future,

Forsaken but not lost,

Nor given in to torture,

Like noises in the wall, no one will notice,

You know you will fall

And drown in misfortune.

Crowned by the doom, you almost see it coming,

To stand or to give up,

You can figure nothing.

Then you retrace your steps, and when the world rejoices

You stumble back and forth,

You’re torn between the choices…

And the disaster gleams, beckoning the reverie

You’re dwelling into dreams

You know astral travelling,

Far away from scorns and senseless agitations

You’re breaking into thorns

Of […]

i was so sad so angry and i dont know why but its gone now and i am my own master my depression is gone i cant put it into words life is so perfectly imperfect
and i sit back and laugh for no reason i am so FUCKING HAAAAPPY!!!!!!!!!!! push through it if i can get past cultists and having no place to live you can do it too we are all in this together just think what would happen if you started acting that out others would stare at first but eventualy you find yourself and you help everyone else just by being […]

When you take your meds and yet the hills are lower but the valleys deeper, you just want to die.
Nobody understands and money only postpones the inevitable.
People can’t understand, and sometimes nor can I.
But the way life is I just want to die.
I have no hall nor gun and thus can’t commit this ‘crime’ but I do have a death wish and that is mine.
When the meds do nothing but society asks, that you still take them to be all “well”
But you know that death cannot come quick enough
Though I fear and dread it
It solves all ills

Another day,another page
You’re writing a tragedy
On your face.
Chalk white skin and scarlet eyes,
Sharpest blade and darkest lies.

Self-abuse ,and tears you cry,
You always think you’d rather die.
They say it’s wrong to end yourself,
But what’s the choice,when you have noone else?

Look at my hands,look at my legs-
Broken and soar,I can’t feel anymore
I’m cutting my skin to die from within
And escape from myself…
I’m hurting to heal,i’m dieing to feel
My light’s shutting down
My light’s never real…

in every moment
there has always been
and will always be
you

never created and
never ending
you are my love
eternal

your beauty speaks
by countless stars
i hear them
i see you

far away and into time
my truth waits
not for me
but for you

~for marianna. my best friend, my love and my entire reason. she is that which beautiful dreams of becoming. she is the joy in my heart and the whisper in my breath. she is my everything…and why i am now nothing.

Depression…It can come to anyone but that doesn’t mean it comes to everyone. It doesn’t just HAPPEN like that either. If you’re depressed, there’s a reason to it and it’s not something silly or stupid, it’s actually quite serious.
Right?
So that means all the people telling me that I’m looking for attention are wrong, and that something has happened within my lifespan to cause depression in my life. I’m not being an a**hole, attention-seeking or anything. I’m actually depressed.
But then there’s no cure to this. No-one to talk to around me, those whom I CAN talk to are far away, nad many people […]

This world will never be what i expected
If this could take my life, i think i’d let it
I think i’d leave alone everything that I own
Before I feel like I’ve waited too late…
It’s never too late

Even if I say, I wont be scared this time
Still i cut myself instead of take my life
My instincts kick in..and i stay alive
I always feel like i’m alright cause ive waited too late
But it’s never too late.

No one will ever see motion detected
I’ve been “gone” for so long, none wouldve guessed it
Well I should leave alone, everything that I know
Before […]

There is so many thing that i want to say to you, but i know you wont listen to me. You say you love me but i think you still love your ex way more. I’m so tire of you hanging out with her. I’m tired of always being last on your list to talk to. If you love her still want don’t you go out with her again, and just tell me straight out. Bc the more you lead me on the more i get angry, upset, and the more i will hate you. I’m so tired of it, why cant you just tell […]

Dark, suffocating darkness, no light
Despairing place with no way out
Chained to a wall inside this putrid place
No hope of happiness coming soon.
So lonely, so very lonely
A body lies beside, but it’s cold
This person is cold, cold of heart
No emotions presents
No comfort, no support, no encouraging words
Only radiating hatred, to keep you where you are.
So lonely, so very lonely.
Chained to this place with a cold person
A person you once knew
A person you once loved
A person you once called your love.
A person who no longer loves you
A person who no longer […]

Everyday it’s a constant struggle on trying not to cut. Not only thy but seeing all the many scar that completely cove my thigh   I’m trying my best to try and have god back in my life I fell like I need him mor than my razor . I really have tried I tell my friends but they  dont care at all. It sucks not hacing a true friend  thy will respond but I’m just trying my best

Let me start by saying I’ve always had strong thoughts about ending my life I never thought i was good at anything especially life. Around middle school I started to realize how much I liked girls(I’m a female). I live in a everybody knows everybody town and for obvious reason kept it to myself. 7th grade was my first attempt but a sibling walked in and I was rushed to the hospital. Okay fast foward about high school I still had that idk why I’m here feeling but then I met sky she was stayed in California and me Texas we talked for hours […]

I should have kept going to therapy, I should have told my mom that I was sticking my finger down my throat to lose weight, I should have told her that my therapist wasn’t helping me, and I should have told her how low I truly was.
I could have spared her false peace of mind, I could have saved myself from this relapse.
But, I didn’t, and I wouldn’t, and now I’m paying for it.

I’ll be honest, I’m young- under eighteen, actually. I had a very close family member die when I was ten, and I’ve been bullied since I was five. I’ve been contemplating suicide since I was nine, and it’s only gotten worse. I would have offed myself quite a while ago, but I don’t want to cause my family any more pain. It’s still hard to get through the day, however.

I was searching the internet for some websites to help when I came across this. I decided to read some stories, and maybe get some advice. Following some of the advice that I’ve found, I decided […]

Well…..I was searching ways to kill myself,somehow I came across this web site. I don’t get this website much. I don’t get y I am here. But I have lip of living thc to this web site.