To the point where I can’t cry I don’t have any emotion really. Sometimes I want to be mad at god but it’s what I’ve done but I don’t know..the only thing that makes me feel okay is alcohol and sex .

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

I’ve been struggling with depression for a very long time.  Recently I started to think more about suicide than I ever have before.  It is almost an ceaseless obsession.  I don’t have any desire to do it, I just can’t shake the thoughts.  I felt so unusual, and have not dared to express any of these thoughts out loud.  I started researching suicide more… usually when I get fixated on something I try to learn as much as I can about it.  The more understanding I have the more control I feel I have over whatever it is.

From reading this site, and reading a collection […]

I have decided to sign up for the actual site. After several months on chat, hopefully the main site will prove to be less dramatic than the chat.

I dream of death- I long for death.. I want death but I can’t bring myself to kill myself. I dont have a sob feel-sorry for me-story, but I have a million reasons why I want to die- and they are my own. I dont need to justify it to any of you to know that it is what I want. I hate the feeling of – feeling. Of being here.. with you- you, who are reading this, judging me, empathizing, pretending to have sympathy or some kind of connection.. you make me sick, you sadistic fuck.

I make me sick. I am angry- at myself, […]

Catherine u are my best friend and i will never happen that i will forget you and ur mysterious ways of sneaking into my mind. Your the red supernova of the sky, a terror to evil, a solution to the revolution. You came into my heart by understanding when i had Fire in my Mind. U were the wink that made me see the morning light and the light in the dark. You are part of the fine women in the audience. When i see by my side i know its ok and I hope u feel the same cause if u needed a Heart, Hit me […]

Because we over exaggerate right? Because we don’t know the difference.
I’ve been cutting again.

EVERYWHERE

The palm of my left hand, My left index finger and thumb,  my right wrist, My right knee, both of the tops of my feet as well as the sides, and last but not least my rib cage.

And you know what? We’re not all liars. Depression does hurt.

Well it’s that time again… But there is way too much going on in my head .. I am physically and mental and emotionally done. Now I’m throwing up ..  More and more Just keeps happening and my body aches of soreness andmy skin feels tense  and raw

Today was just a very depressing day for me. I woke up around 1pm and basically spent the day crying and feeling bad and thinking of suicide. Last night was seemingly perfect. I went on a hayride with all my marching band friends, we had a great time. We sang our field show, ate smores and hung around the campfire. It was perfect until one incident. Amazing how one thing can ruin your whole day/night. Well, here’s what happened. So before we got on the tractor i was standing waiting with my friends and we were playfully stealing each other’s hats (knit winter type hats). […]

Hello, my name is nicholas But u could call me Nick. Im in love i really am i never felt like this about a person in my life. Her name is Catherine and shes just amazing…….BUT there’s a problem she said”That were Best-Friends”and im 15 but shes 16 and idk wat to do I Love her and she knows i have feelings for her but what she dosnt know is that those Feelings are Extremally Strong. I wish i knew wat i should do but the world feels so Awkward. When im with Catherine i get that feeling like butterfly’s are swarming in ur stomach and i just wanna hug her nd never […]

I told him I have a feeling for him.
Now he is stepping back and nothing can change his mind.
Well, he does what he has to, I guess.
Things won’t be the same again, no one gonna come pick up when I am drunk, no one will be there to listen to my things anymore.
I lost him, forever.
I feel like throwing myself from a bridge.
I told him I will not doing something stupid but I know I can’t help.
I have no one but me to blame for this, he said feelings are things that can’t be control, he said blame […]

I am devastated while i read this blog. I just lost my brother last week. He was only 39 a great guy and a musician. I am 34… He took his life and I cannot find the answer to all my question. He was depressed. I helped him to go to therapy and he even was on medication. My pain is extreme … My feelings are mixed up.

He did told me in July he had tried before we even laugh about it. I used to listen to him and give him advice as a friend. I never judge him. I always told him he was […]

The world is quite a peculiar place that I have yet to become accustomed to. Sometimes just the sheer aspect of living overwhelms me. Does that in itself make any sense at all? I very much doubt so, but it pervades me nonetheless.

Even now, looking outside my window; at the beautiful tranquility of the night, the pure brilliance and wonder that the night evokes. Looking off into the glittering scenery before me I can only wonder about life. The significance of everything, The sheer luck and probability that life has unfolded and used to mould and influence the present. The magnificence of it, the questions […]

…the only thing left will be the lima beans.

Because nobody likes lima beans.

Yech.

Sorry. I couldn’t think of anything else to post, yet I wanted to post something. Also, I’m insane.

I lost everything years ago.. and by everything i mean everything. but i managed to get it all back. slowly though, things started falling apart again. now that the person who means most to me is leaving me.. i dont know if i can do this anymore. im really just tired of loving, being loved and then being stabbed in the back..

Mom, i love you more than anything in the world, and i will forever be your angel looking down on you watching over you with grandma an pop-pop. ill be waiting for you in heaven, ready to hug you again as soon as you […]

My best friend wants to die, she plans to kill herself really soon.. but i dont know how soon. she was suppose to die last night without even telling me. she promised me she would get better, she said she would do it for me. but she lied. I dont want her to die, i dont want to loose her. i know that she can get better.. but she doesnt think she can.. but i KNOW she can..

am i being selfish that i want her to live? that i want her to survive and grow through this and be the person i KNOW she is..? […]

I can’t deal with living anymore. My mom died when I was 6. My dad is an asshole. He yells at me and hurts me and calls me a *****. Sometimes I don’t want to kill myself because of how hard it would be on my family. But then I remember they don’t care. I have to resort to hiding in my closet to get away from it all. I want it to end. Life can only get worse. One of my “friends”, who’s somewhat depressed, told me, “Happiness is putting a Band-Aid on the gaping wound that is life.” I agree. There are no […]

I know how hard it is, I know you think you’re worthless.

But just smile.

No one else’s opinion matters, except yours.

You’re beautiful/handsome and amazing.

Love yourself, tell yourself that you’re awesome. I promise you will start to believe it sooner or later.

Stop caring about what other people think so much,  they aren’t important.

Show everybody how wrong they are about you.

And remember,

You have gone through way too much to just give up now.

I’ve written my suicide note before, but a lot has changed since 3 months ago. I have more to say. I’m not saying that I will kill myself but if I do, I want people to know how I felt about them.

I am a mess.

Inside and out.

The most frustrating thing is always to know that you have created your own mess yourself.

No one did anything to me , ever. I created all this shit myself.Every bad thing that has happened, has happened because of me.

I either deserved it or asked for it.

And now I have to go and complain about it.

Its bullshit.

Im a stupid ****.