I am a survivor of childhood abuse…really bad scary abuse, i was under three when i was raped repeatedly and then i molested my little sister not knowing any better this all before the age of six. I have gone thru therapy and counseling. I have tried my best to make a good life for myself and am working on my bachelors degree, have a job, have friends, have a boyfriend, a good family, but the effects of what happened to me, and what I have done keep surfacing and i have reached a road block emotionally. My little sister was a complete failure to […]

I’ve gotten to be very good at hiding what’s inside. Whenever somethings wrong or bothering me, I can usually hide it really well. I have several different masks though..

Home/Family Mask- When I’m home and just around my parents i usually just chill in my room and act tired (which i usually am when im upset). I curl up in my sweat pants and wrap up in blankets so they can’t see if I have hurt myself in anyway. But I havnt done that in a while. This mask is usually just hiding out and being tired.

Dance Mask- When i’m at dance, i just try to act goofy […]

I have been wanting to die for so many years now, it’s unbelievable even to me.  Every nite I beg, I pray, I wish, I desire, I plead, and yet, the next day, I’m still here.  When I think of the bazillions of GOOD GOOD people who have died for every reason out there, it makes no sense to me that people like myself and others – who don’t want to be alive – but yet we are!

I cry because I’m not dead!  There have been so many days/nights when I felt so strongly that ‘this is it, today is the day, I can’t do […]

Goodbye.

I’m sorry if my absence hurts anyone, but my pain was too severe. I hated myself, and everything I did. I looked at myself and saw a fat, ugly, dirty piece of shit who fucked everything up. I just saw no more purpose in my life, and I stopped seeing a future for myself, and other people stopped having faith in me. Everyone I knew truely did not like me. I was depressed, not stupid. I could tell that people didn’t like me, and I don’t blame them, I didn’t like myself either. They said I was a *****, say I was stupid, say I was pathetic.. It’s all true. Everyone always belittled […]

The thing is I don’t like talking to anyone about how i feel when it comes to depression and self harming. I don’t want to seem weak and vulnerable especially to m y friends who view me as this loud bright bubbly person. But 2 weeks ago i was drunk and things spiralled out of control, i shoved my friend over and then in the heat of the moment went upstairs raided her cabinet for a razor and begin to cut at my wrist. My friends found me lying down laughing to myself with blood around me. I then began to hysterically laugh and then […]

Empty, transparent, and alone I strung a wire up to the main support beam in my attic.  The other end of the extension chord was fitted with a slip knot, which I slid up the fastened end of the wire making just enough room to slide my head through.  I tightened the wire around my neck and fitted it carefully not to close the air passage.  I jumped. I didn’t even write a note.

There were moments where I wasn’t aware of my existence.  All I could see was a black foreground with slowly morphing red shapes strung together in a kaleidoscopic nature. This intense vision was coupled […]

So this would be my second attempt to kill myself. I’m just so tired of all this shit… I don’t understand life and the point of living… It’s all in repeat. Wake up – go to school – go to work- come home. And even worse I don’t want to live and I have to live because nothing bad ever happens to me… And all the people who get into accidents and actually have something to live for die… It’s just unfair.
So the first suicide attempt clearly was a failure – I took some paracetamol and sleeping pills, woke up 2 days […]

it hurts. I am 35 years old and have been dealing with this crap for 30 years. I have one person in this world that I can call a friend…but he doesn’t understand.

2 ex wives and I am doing an outstanding job of destroying a third. I can’t work because of my mental issues. I don’t speak to my family in an attempt to remove the pain they inflict on my life…that didn’t work as planned.

Everything I do fails miserably…everyone that gets close to me ends up despising me and eventually leaves.

I manage to occasionally convince myself things are good and I can be happy…but […]

I’m still in secondary school, and i’m in my last year, thankfully. But i cant stand it any more, i truly believe that one day i am going to explode. Practically everyone hates me in that school and the people that do like me just  tolerate me or i bring them down with me.  the people that hate me… they smile at my face, they seem to think i cant hear them when they tear me apart. The only way i can get through the day is walking around with my headphones blaring with the promise of my blades at home. But i can still hear them, and i cant do anything about it, it just gets worse. i just want […]

i dont even want to type…  so this will probably be shorter than i intended…

i held a loaded gun in my hand again today…  still watching tv and playing games trying to not decide on if i should accually do it this time…

my only gf and mother of our almost 3yr old daughter left me 8 months ago.   she said god told her to leave me, but i think the fact she was talking to other guys on dating sites for a while before, is proof that she cheated or at the very least felt like she could find someone better…

my best friend, for […]

Hello. I came acroiss this site today researching the helium hood method of suicide. I am a 29 year old man who has dealt with problems since I can remember. Have been diagnosed with many mental disorders throughout my life. Between the years and years of trying different meds, being in mental hospitals (both self admitted and post suicide attempts) nothing has ever seemed to make a difference in my quality of life. Although I’ve tried 3 times, it was never for attention. I just wanted to quit struggling thru life, yet getting nowhere, with nothing to show for it. I would have to say […]

I’m 19 years old. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. Although I sometimes I have moments where my depression alleviates and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, I’ve recently found that light is on the verge of extinguishing.

Here’s a comprehensive list of the reasons why I want to die/ what the fucks wrong with me:

1. I graduated from college about a month ago. The college I went to is a special two year conservatory school in New York City, which I completed in a year and three months (I’m really smart).  It’s not a degree earning […]

I’m a teenager in high school. 16 years old. I’ve been struggling for a very long time.. well it feels like a long time but in the grand scheme of things its really only a grain of sand… Since 6th grade i figured out who i am. I am an atheist. I am bi. I am emo. Because of these things i have been ridiculed and made fun of.. ive been beat up.. ive been hurt so many times.. physically and emotionally. Ive been cutting for a while but just recently have i actually pondered the thought of killing myself. How nice it would be […]

and tomorrow morning i shall wake.

hah it rhymes.

am i suicidal? kinda, maybe. not really. i don’t really want to die — in fact the thought of actually killing myself scares me. no, i’ll be around tomorrow, the day after next, and the day after that. but the thing is, i’m not really sure living is that great either. so i’ve got myself stuck in a dilemma between living and not, and until i can make a decision, all i’m doing is existing. like flotsam in a sea of people.

you, why are you reading this. did you stumble upon the site like i did? why do you […]

I don’t recall what I wanted to say exactly here. I’ve wanted to disappear for a large majority of my life. It’s just something I’ve always dealt with. I always find ways to cope. That’s why I’m still here. I’m a survivor. I even survive myself. I’m in college now. I’m half way across the country from my family. I changed myself because no one here knew me. I thought if I could be the sort of person that everyone loved, it would fix this problem inside me. But it didn’t. Because it’s hard for someone to love you when they don’t know you. And […]

Umm just want to know your thoughts on my note. Comments on how to improve it are welcome

To whom it may concern.
Please feel no guilt as I have decided to kill myself. My reasons, because there is no meaning to my life and everything to me is pointless effort. I feel sad like nothing will get better. My depression is not the cause of my death but the realisation my death is liberating my mind. I know what death is, it’s just abyss/nothing. I want that, no feelings, no rationalisation of life, just nothing. I fully understand the repercussions of this final action. I […]

I’m tired. I have several severe mental disorders, and the severe insomnia doesn’t help. Ever since I was a small child, I’ve been miserable. I always feel ill. Every day my head aches horribly, and I’m constantly nauseous.

I’m a teenager, and I dress in black most of the time, so people assume that I’m a bad kid. I’m not goth or emo, I just like black for aesthetic purposes– but I’ve always been told “Go cry, emo kid.” Or “Why don’t you go kill yourself/cut yourself?” Ever since I was eight, I’ve cut myself. When I started, I didn’t even know that was a thing […]

These are my thoughts, as they come to me, whether it be sitting in a crowded place or alone in contemplation.  I look around and see people going about their days not knowing of me.  My struggles, my life, my past.  How is it that we can FUCKING PASS THROUGH LIFE SO GODDAMN FUCKING BLINDLY!?!?!?!  It confounds me that these people will never know the people 5 feet away from them.  Just today I did a good deed, a small one but a good deed all the same.

I look around and see children and adults.  All in different states of mind.  I can see their […]

So I’m 21 now and everything was fine until 2012. I was on a very hard university in my country but suddenly everything went wrong. I failed 1 exam and they kicked me in the end of the 2nd year. I hated myself and my entire life. My parents started to telling me that i failed because of games and lazyness, but they don’t know how many hours i was learning a day and yes i play like 2 or 2,5 hours a day. I don’t drink or smoke or use anything and I’m always bad. I have enough about that i always helped to […]