I’ve fallen. And I feel worthless. And unloved. I’ve consdered drugs. I look fat and ugly. And I’ve lost anyone I’ve ever cared about. I want to let go. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on…I don’t care about anything anymore. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it…but I’m sure it’s gonna happen.
…. woah I haven’t talked about this since it happened. Uhm … okay when I was 10 I went to New York and stayed at my uncle’s house. I would always be with his wife because my uncle worked everyday. Uh one day my auntie (his wife) had to go to work. So he stayed with me…. Everything was okay, he was in his room I was in mine. Then he came in my room to give me lunch… He stayed and watched me, I was so stupid. I should of realized the way he was looking at me. The way he would smile at me for […]
I’m so confused, and i feel like a selfish selfish person. i self harm quite a lot, i have been doing it for a long time but cannot pin point exactly when it started. i always remember being very in touch with my emotions and very easily attached and maybe too emotional for my own good. I myself suffered from bullying when i was a child about my teeth, and grew up being very self conscious of myself. My father comes from a Jewish background though my family itself doesn’t have any particular religion, and i have been baptized and had a holy communion as my mother is catholic. i was […]
I wrote this song about bullying and suicide. I hope that you will like it and I hope that it will help to sooth and educate people on bullying and suicide. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn9NaB43C8A
one of the reason i am depressed is because i hate my job (who doesn’t right?) so i have decided that after one month in hell, I will quit my job. I had a nasty argument with my mother about it. She didn’t want me to leave the job because everyone she knows thinks it is a good job.. a good comfortable job. they don’t know the other end of it. I feel so miserable I get panic attacks I started to feel depressed and I am really stressed out. I lost so much weight the clothes that I ordered online that couldn’t even pass through my […]
I think my anxiety is
-stress related
-social
-mental
-emotional
Everytime i am stressed, or have a busy schedual my anxiety levels shoot through the roof. I always seem to manage through the stress and the anxiety, but its when the anxiety attacks occur.. that isnt so pretty.
socially, when i am around a lot of people that i am not familiar with, i tend to become very anxious. this tends to get worse in small spaces and when my surrondings are at a very high volume. its even worse when its a small space and its very loud..
mentally and emotionally im just fucked up.. just fucked up… those anxieties never […]
She never should have come home, she shouldn’t have called an ambulance and she shouldn’t have saved me. I didn’t want saving. Now it’s 2 weeks down the line and I have to do it again. I don’t want to be alive any more. I want to be dead. What is so hard to understand about that? I promised to call the centre if I get thoughts like this again but what am I supposed to say? Hello, just keeping my promise to call you before I attempt suicide. I want to die. I hate her for stopping me last time.
I can’t live anymore.
I’ve tried to suicide since I was 11, and I was suicidal when I was 10.
I’ve faked a smile, a laugh; I’m good at hiding my emotions. I can act like I’m perfectly happy, when I’m hurt. I can’t help it. I don’t want to show. I can’t speak up. I’m trapped in a living nightmare.
I feel like I have no family. My mom is always at work. And my dad…Him.
He sits in front of the computer and never seems to even MOVE. He’s like a statue, frozen. I feel like I can’t talk. Talking to a statue is pointless […]
I’m sitting here now, at work, behind the desk at my own dance studio. im surronded by kids that i know and that im friends with, and there are parents all over the place. they look at me and talk to me and all they see is my outer shell.. they have NO idea whats really going on inside my fucked up head. None of them know about my previous eating disorders, my cutting, my drinking and smoking to escape reality. they know little things that happened, only because the problems were made public. other than that, they think that i am all put together. […]
I’m 21, (ya I know I’m young) .. My whole life has been nothing but suffering. I’ve been bullied since I could remember. I’ve had my ups and down’s but have been depressed for many years. It’s at its worst right now. I don’t have a licence, I don’t have a job, I don’t have highschool, I will never see college. I don’t even know what I want to do for my future. I don’t even see me having a future. My boyfriend left me because he “doesn’t love me” anymore. He can’t understand what I’m going through. We still talk. He’s going to be dating someone […]
Dean just got here to give me my stuff and he gave me back the letters I wrote him:(! I really do wanna cut now but on the other hand if he gave me them back he never really cared so WHY am I so upset:(?
This post is going to be really short. I just want to kill myself.
I just got home from school and Dean is bringing me my stuff from his house. He broke my heart but I am still in love with him. I want to cut because once I look at his face I will want to be with him all over again and I can’t do that because I don’t want to be hurt again and its all he does is hurt me..
Hi I’m not sure how to use this thing yet but bear with me. My mother just got a letter today from a man who is in jail. Because of him he ex girlfriend threating to kill me and my family. She spent a couple of thousand dollars that was suppose to go to my out of school fleid trip to Costa Rica. The letters sickins me I am very disappointed in her because before all of this she have made a sex tape I saw it. Sometimes it seems that she don’t want me. And that I hav to watch her after school because she […]
Hi i’m new here, and uhm I don’t know exactly how this works. But it seems like a good way to just let out all of my anger and pain. So here goes nothing.
So I have a “Best Friend” whatever that is. We’ve been pretty close for a couple of years now. It was getting to the point where I actually trusted her. Which is crazy because I don’t trust many people. But now she has this new friend who she claims is her new “Best Friend”. Yes I was very jealous, but it’s not my fault. I’ve never had any one really care about […]
They say nothing is worth taking your own life but sometimes it feels like the only thing to do..I love my family and what couple “friends” I have but do they love me? I know my baby sister, brother and daughter(NOT biological)do but they aren’t old enough to understand why I hurt and want to die. It’s not fair to them to wonder why sister/mama went away and never came back..They are the ONLY reason I haven’t. I keep thinking maybe if I did one day they would under stand but is it fair? For them to see everyone else upset when they don’t understand? […]
I haven’t told many people what I am going through. Just my mom and she thinks I am over reacting. On here I don’t feel judged so I am going to post it. I have always felt alone even when I had friends, now I have lost all of them. In Middle School I lost my Papa..He was my father figure. I got so depressed I started cutting. My mom found out and got me “help”..It never really helped because if it had I wouldn’t have started again. 🙁 I don’t want to cut but I don’t know what else to do. I had lost […]
FUCK!!!!! I wish I wasn’t at school and could really scream that like I want too! Gosh! I hate how my life is going! UGH! FUCK!
Hey guys,
I am mentally ill and keep hurting those around me. I have adult adhd and have successfully pushed away anyone that ever cared for me. My place is a mess, I have no degree, no livelyhood, no job and no hope for the future. All I have is pain. I finally got pills for my condition on monday but by then it was too late. My outburts of rudeness and my depression over the death of my cat finally pushed my girlfriend, who had at one time wanted to marry me and who I loved more than anything, away.
I am sure this is what […]
Dear him:
When the sun failed to shine on your face or in your life, you sought a silver lining. You searched and searched yet you never found it. I always wanted to be the silver lining but I just wasn’t good enough. As much as I was good to you, was there during your illness, when you suffered financially, others had abandoned you or didn’t care, I was still there. You had your flaws, but I overlooked them because I knew you had goodness in your heart. You were just too jaded and angry to bring any goodness to the surface.
I had always hoped to […]