Rapidly spiraling
down,
down,
always downward.
Never up.
Envisioning in my mind
of blood running down my arm
my face
my stomach
my legs & ankles.
Feelings of nothingness.
Wanting to cry, throw up,
and turn away with guilt and regret.
Suicidal Tendencies come forth,
beckoning and pushing me away
from the temporary refuge
I had inexplicably found in dreams.
Regrets pile up around me
little post-it notes on the walls
covered in despair and insanity.
Incomprehensible thoughts running through my head
screaming in agony I bleed
scarlet rivulets create a river of inconsistencies.

once again ive broken to pieces. how pathetic is that? im not suppose to break down. what the hell am i suppose to do? i just want to crawl into a dark hole away from everybody and just stay there. can i do that? no i cant. everytime i hide away i get dragged out and forced to face the fact that my life sucks. yea, sure there are plenty of things i can do to make it better, but it just seems pointless. everytime i try to do something that i want to do or that i think would be fun i get wierd […]

The monster, the mask, and the person under the wet and dirty mud…Which one do I feel I want to get rid of? Well that would be the mask, because it is so…boring, painful, dull, and sad to put on everyday. But…what if I need it again? I am sick of feeling like I can’t even get a chance to breathe. But the mask, I may need it again.

not the depression or the personality disorders… the anxiety

When your feeling down people, Suicide is never the answer. Get some help be there for one another. Don’t let your fears get to you. Stand up to them bullies who can’t find anything better to do. Trash talk them do anything you can to fight against them and make them scared of you.

I can’t do this anymore. I feel so….out of place and so fuckin depressed. Everything is going down hill for me yet again and I can’t handle it. I can’t be strong and I can’t pretend anymore. I think tonight might be my last night. I’m ready to go. I’m ready to disappear. No one will hear from me for a while I hope. I can’t handle the pain I’m in and uphold a happy face anymore. It hurts too much. And I can’t let them lock me up. This might just be goodbye.

“We can’t love ourselves,

And we dont’t beleive we are loved,

We dont’ write any beautiful letters

To people we used to know

With the old ink,

Cause we only courted ourselves,

Our female selves, wildly

We were only good to please her,

And coquettish, and unfaithful,

And now we became widowers, crying”

From one of our poets.

Hi, i’m 15, I’m a girl, and I’ve been through hell. I’m a sophomore, and I know what its like to lose everyone you’ve ever had. My mom had me at 16, and starting at three years old, my mom was dating around a lot, got hip on drugs and alcohol. Both of my parents were VERY bad alcoholics. My mom was dating this guy that beat her, and made me watch, then my sister was born, I was three, taking care of a baby my mom couldn’t take care of.. We got evicted and lived in a car for a week when i was […]

I call myself Annabeth Reid, that’s the life I wish I lived. I have amazing friends and a amazing family, so much to look forward to in life and the bullying has almost stopped. But it never stops does it? The past always catches up with the present… When I was younger I was bullied a lot a name I heard almost everyday was SLUT, my own friends called me that behind my back. I’m also very skinny, not because I try it’s just the way I am, yet I’m called anorexic. People make jokes saying I throw up after I eat, but I don’t. I’ve […]

You want to die

before knowing the deepness of cry

you want to die

before diving inside the colossal lie

you want to die

before speaking personally with Satan?

you want to die

before drinking wine til decay

or doing sex til bye

you want to die

before cracking some noses

of the people that laugh of you

you want to die

before knowing the deepness of the dark arts?

before summoning spirits and devils?

before doing some craziness that prove the holiness

of your body?

Jesus is just another ************!

But in the dark arts I have found deep truths.

That the reality does not exists.

And that if life is a illusion, the illusion that life is a illusion is another illusion.

Every bad memory is replaying.

Replaying in my mind.

Over and over and over.

Like my mind is set on rewind.

Like my mind is set on repeat.

Why can’t these terrible memories just go away?

These memories are destroying me.

They are breaking me down.

They are making me weak.

Making me hurt.

Making my whole body ache.

I want to push the eject button.

I want it all to disappear.

is there anyone on here feeling hopeless that possibly lives on vancouver island bc ? because i would like to speak with you in person. if not im still here add my facebook to talk, i can feel your pain ive suffered in my past life as well. add me!   jaime michieli

I hd sm1, who tuk care of me. Fr that little time, I ws happy.
But she’s gone, leaving me all alone.
Nd all I am right nw, is scared.
Scared to hell. I miss her. I love her, more than anything in the world, cz only she evr cared to undrstand me. And she knws, she knws hw much i love her, crave fr her touch. Bt its nt gonna happen. M scared, all i want is for her to hold me, cz i m all too broken without her.
I dnt hv ny frnds in real sense to evn talk to about my […]

Not many people know what it’s like to lose their hair.

As you age, you lose hair.  When you get a haircut, you lose hair.  I’m talking about a different kind.

It depresses me every time I move my head, wake up, shower…  there are clumps of hair…  everywhere.  Falling out.  My hair is dying to help keep me living.  My hair could be dying, while I too, began to die.

If you put it into actuality, I’ve been dying for almost 3 years now, only now has it began to really come through.

I am dying, and I have accepted my fate.  I have not accepted the fate […]

I have to go back to work today after two weeks off’ and I’m so terrified to go. Everybody is going to look at me with those questioning eyes, smile their fake smiles, talk their small talk, ask how I’m feeling…

What do you say to them?

Thanks for asking!

“I’ve been off for two weeks because I can’t handle life. And when I get to this point I like to hurt myself, so I needed this time to recuperate from the demon emotions that overtake who I may or may not be, oh and I binged this weekend like a fat kid in a candy store only […]

i cant take this anymore. if i open up to pmy parents, ill hurt them. if i open up to 99% of my friends, theyll make me feel stupid and yell at me for feeling like this. they dont understand that they make it worse by doing that. i cant take this anymore. i want all of this to end.

my throat hurts from trying to choke myself over the weekend. it hurts to yawn. ijust .. dont see a point anymore. i want ot die. please let me out of this hell.

Them dreams..

You have, where you feel like your falling.

I feel like I’m falling.

Even when I’m awake.

I’m falling down, crashing down.

Around everything.

Everyone is staring at me while I’m falling.

I can’t get back up.

I’ve fallen.

I’m 28 years old and my life is a complete waste. I am the youngest of six children, there’s a seven year gap between me and the rest, the eldest of my siblings being sixteen years older than I am. (just giving you the background here).

Life in my family was never easy, we were considered free labor, we cleaned the house, cooked the meals, did the laundry, kept the yard did the shopping and washed my dad’s collection of cars. These chores started as young as five years of age, we’d walk two miles to the nearest supermarket, and then carry the groceries home, this […]

Damn. I thought I was getting back to recovery but after today I really want to kill myself. My mum says she doesn’t want me as a daughter, although to be quite honest I am used to that, she says it everyday. And then my fucking sister decides to join in and tell me how much of a messed up fucking brat I am. Well I’m sorry. I’m selfish, mean, harsh, not pretty at all and a fucking mess up accident. Why does this happen… Then she started talking about my friends and how one of my friends is the reason I’m messed up. They […]