I’m blind.

Being friends with someone is hard when they are blind, depressed, and at times has a temper. But even me, yes, even I, need someone to love.

I had a friend one time, but she’s gone away now and has decided to leave me. It hurts so much that my one true friend is gone, but that’s just life. It really doesn’t help my depression.

But what should I do anymore? 6 days out of 7 I’m hurting, and noone knows because I don’t know who I can tell anymore.

I’ve given up on suicide because I’ve tried it twice and it failed. […]

I know she killed her self but i have tried worse ways then her. WHy didnt people relize my atttempt!! why wtf i mean come on  i tried to cut open my stomach. thank you very much but of course know one seeems to care. maybe i should try something like that …

fuck

and prayers do go out to her family

I’ve felt like this for many years. Right now I’m on the precipice of a major change in my life, one that will basically cast me out into the world. Unlike some of the others here, I have people who profess to being in ‘my corner’. But I realise that ultimately that’s all a sham. They can’t really do much for me because this thing stems from inside. It’s been described as screaming into the void or staring at the abyss. I choose neither. All I feel is empty, empty all the time. When I’m around people I feel empty. When I’m alone I feel […]

I am so sick hearing the words “stupid, I hate emos, LOOK AT THE GIRLS PANTS, that person is weird, he is ugly, they are never going to find love…Maybe I am never going to find love, by just one person that truly wants to love me for me. But I have friends that care enough about me! They say they love me and that is enough. But…why do I get so mad by their words if I have the people that care for me?

Well.. time to write something… One more fucked up story isn’t gonna make a difference here, so..

You know when you’re young, you’re always told to obey the rules, respect your elders, do some good, expect nothing in return, be faithful, be honest, get a degree, don’t lie, work hard, respect your gf, satisfy her every need, marry her,buy a house, have kids.. and that’s what you call a happy and full life. If you live according to this, people will call you a happy man (i can’t speak for the women, sorry).

In such a state of mind i got to know her in high school. […]

I remember, The Tuesday before I got admitted.. I was walking down a street going to buy a rope. I looked across the street and this old couple were walking together.. Apart from he was in a wheelchair hooked up to what looked like oxygen. It was a sad sight.. But I kept going.. To see a mother with her children.

All just got me thinking. And now? I’ve found out something else that has literally driven me crazy. I just want my happy back.

Stop blaming yourself Nat, You couldn’t have possibly done that. Don’t listen to them.

You were doing great Nat, But nothing lasts forever, […]

It’s difficult wanting to die, but knowing you’ll never go through with it.

My first thoughts of suicide were in 7th grade. I’m not sure why. It’s been over 5 years since then and though I’ve gone through several long periods of happiness and feeling content, those thoughts still remain.

I’ve nothing left to live for, I get up out of bed in the morning because I’m awake.

Honestly, the only thing that’s prevented me from killing myself is my family. They’re good people. They don’t deserve to live the rest of their lives with that in the back of their minds.

It’s just so hard sometimes.

I mean, I […]

After reading one_day’s post the other day about the person on this site going by the name nolentwohundred (37m) having and inappropriate relationship with another member madetofade (15f) I took the time to investigate for myself through their various posts whether or not this allegation had any merit. I must say personally i found the whole thing to be very disturbing on multiple levels. The fact that a 37 year old man is using a suicide forum to spout his personal political,social,religious views in a blatant attempt to try and attract and influence vulnerable (underage) woman is just wrong and possibly even illegal. […]

It’s hailing.

My parents left, they took my little brother again.

Last night I relapsed and my left thigh looks like plaid.

I’m scared.

I can’t not talk to anyone. But, no one really knows me here…

two weeks ago, 10/04.. My dad and I got in a fight about me getting glasses…

He got mad because I should have gotten them when everybody else in the family did. When I pointed out the fact that he bragged about his 20/20 vision for years, and yet he JUST got glasses in June. He hit me.. twice. When I tried to runaway he chased me then shoved me…. I filed a DCFS […]

I’ve never posted here before… and aside from a few people I don’t talk about this, but I just don’t know if I can keep going on.

I feel miserable all the time. I feel like a pathetic loser. I spend so much of my time pretending to be fine that I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I wonder if I deserve to feel like this. is there something intrinsically bad about me? Am I a terrible person?

There’s nothing objectively wrong about my life. 2/3 of the world is worse off than me, so I wonder “what right do I have to feel like this?” […]

I don’t know why i’m here, but I have finally joined here. So, hi.maybe I’ll learn something.

Like this person for example, she was hurting so much inside and everyone was against her.

It’s not like I would just go out and save someone and leave them… I myself am alone, hurting. I have no one to talk to at all. So it’s obvious I would seek someone in pain as I am, with depression, anxiety, etc.

So… If you really want to just talk to me… please do… I’ll be on SP chat.

I figured: If I dont choose one now, I will never. It felt like a huge relieve, finally deciding when everything will end.

To be honest, I will grab every opportunity with 6 arms if one arises. I dont really want to die. I wish I could just be someone else, and have a different life. It is not fair I have gotten so much on my plate. And its pathetic to wallow in self-pity like that, but I cant give any fucks about that. Fact is, I am pathetic. I dont deserve to live.

Theres about a 50% chance I wont go through with it I […]

Not to say I wasn’t clean for a year and that’s not something I am proud of …

But I have NO IDEA what came over me…

I loved the metal. I missed it so much, I didn’t even cry. I’m not suicidal… I just want to cut.

But I’m  scared that I’ll get worse again… I don’t want to get worse again… I don’t want to be in my head again.

I don’t want to be that girl again.

Don’t want to get better. Don’t want to find some wonderful thing to make all the suffering of the past worth it. Don’t want anything. Just want to stop existing. To go to sleep and never wake up. Simple as that.

Here we go again. I am in a deep mess of emotions right now, it is hard to describe it but being mad is alright for today. Just for today. I have been happy for a couple of weeks, really happy. It was unbelievable.

We got drunk yesterday again, i feel lame because of it. I just remembered the scene of me crying in front of the screen watching sth on youtube, it was just a disguise for the reasons that really drove me to tears. Anyway this person i like, my best friend saw me and tapped me on my shoulder and left. I could […]

Why should you feel bad about your weight? I really have anxiety over my body and I really want to do the same procedure as last year, just stop eating and exercising. Why should people around you comment and judge you because out of your weight. Just because you look a little different, so people will often bully and push you down mentally sometimes physically. I have tried, or rather trying to lose weight but it does not help. Today’s young people they only see chicks with slender bodies and large breasts, they never see the inside of a person … I feel crappy about […]

The Westboro Baptist Church, decided to protest at the funeral of  Staff Sgt. Donna Johnson, who was killed in Afghanistan, by a suicide bomber.  I joined a group in “Anti-protest” against the Westboro Baptist Church.

As the Church members (The five that showed up), wielded their banners about “fags” and “breast cancer is God’s curse”, I couldn’t help but shake my head in disbelief at audacity of these people.  They stood on American flags, gay pride flags and did a host of disrespectful acts.  I realize their main goal is to receive attention and I suppose I did help with that, but I wanted to witness […]

It’s always the same, every day is the same struggle, same shit, I don’t want to do this any more. I don’t want to be this person any more, sitting in this shit room in a house that isn’t mine with strangers, and nobody to talk to. I’m oh so tired, no exhausted, of trying to find happiness. It just continually eludes me. I want to go. I want to give up. Then I think about how devastated I’d be If I lost any of my family, and I can’t do it, I can’t do that to them, so I’m stuck, this shell of a […]

shes breaking down
oh so quick
she thought she was happy
that thought soon flipped
and now she is dark
dark as can be
some tears are clear
while hers are black
shes breaking down
cant u see
if only she can hit
the bottom of the sea
dont u love her
she wouldnt know
so why not tell her
shes breaking down
further and further
her blades hide away
til her ands meet a corner
and slit her finger
then from there
goes deeper and deeper
cant you see
see what she could be
if only someone
could be just like me
as shes […]