fuck it. it seems two of my posts have been removed. Why they would leave the last be, is beyond me, seeing as they all deal with suicide. I cannot comprehend why this topic is so taboo. What good will come of this censorship. The right way to move forward would be to have an open and constructive discussion. Whatever, it just bums me out. I can’t even find my drafts, so all is lost. and they were fine posts, with comments from people showing interest (or sarcasm).
I’ve been mentally ill since I was 11 years old. First it was trauma, then anxiety, then generalized depressive disorder… I’m 18 now and have just been rediagnosed yet again with bipolar disorder with psychotic traits. I hate myself so much. I’m fat and disgusting and really messed up in the head. I live alone and my family just don’t want to hear about it. One of my strengths in my non childhood was my father and now hes dead. Every day is a struggle and I just give up. This is too hard. I’m exhausted and I don’t think anyone cares anyway. I don’t […]
I am so ready to stop, but I keep going. Driving to visit my Uncle dying of cancer yesterday, I wished he could die peacefully instead of wasting away in a place where he is barely living. I know that my brain is sick, my medication is enough to keep me level, but not enough to keep thoughts of suicide away.
I want to get away from my family’s problems, everyone needing me when they don’t realize I just can’t take their problems anymore. But I care too much. I feel guilty for wishing no one would call me again with any of their […]
Hey i’m 21 and im really struggling with depressiion on a llot of aspects of life. I was born with cerebral palsy, i always struggled with fitting inin society, i was never good at socialising and meeting new people.i have very little friends and i lost my bestfriend to a accident on a highway last year
It bugs me that i have yetto go on a date,i tried going to bars, clubs but i didn’t feel like i fit in. I haveattempted fnding dates on dating websites but ihavenot had any success. it’skilling mree inside,i fel so loanly anddeppressed and i […]
I came across this website looking for a suicidal hotline, and I thought maybe if I wrote it down it would be easier.
I’m 21 years old and I have been a, for a better term, cutter for 8 years. I never thought I would be this way at this age. I thought when I was an “adult” I would be past this. It’s just as strong of feeling when I was 13 as it is now.
I have the words, “things are better if I stay…” Tattooed on my left arm, and I try to believe in that. I also represent the Butterfly Project. I […]
They always call me the weirdo.. that sucks..
school today, already woke up late and i feel crap and im nervous and i dont want to go and being late will make it worse, im so paniced argh dont want to go 🙁
all i need is a restart button
i need to stop thinking things through
I’ve screwed up my life way too much
theres nothing i want more to start over, have a fresh start, but thats not an option
i don’t think are going to get better
theres always that temptation..
but i think too much to do anything
no matter what I’m stuck right here
So in the last month I’ve tried to commit suicide three times and have been in the hospital twice. I admitted myself and was there for 72 hrs the first time which didn’t help at all.. the second time they really tried to help and it did for a day or so. They diagnoised me as being Borderline Personality Disorder and honestly I can really see that in myself but now that I’ve studied it and see what I really am it brings me down even more. And I’ve hid all these deep feelings even the thought of being suicidal for over 15 yrs but […]
Well, I guess this is going to be my first post here.. probably not the last. I guess I joined this site as a way to get my story out a little bit. I’ve kept a journal for the better part of the past year, but nobody has ever read it. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this kind of stuff.. so yeah, hi guys.
I don’t really know where to even start with this.. maybe with why I feel the way I do? Okay, well it all started a few years back. I went to a Catholic elementary school where I got bullied […]
I don’t know what to do. I have incredibly low self esteem, depression, social anxiety disorder, and general anxiety disorder. I’m pretty sure I have BDD and potentially bulimia. School’s starting tomorrow. School makes me miserable. Between the uncomfortable out-of-placeless, awkwardness, loneliness, and constant fear and awareness of the thoughts of the people around me– aesthetically it’s just not a good fit. And that’s not taking into consideration the overwhelming stress of the schoolwork that for some reason doesn’t click with me. School all together is just a reminder of how pathetic I am. The trouble, however, is that despite the misery school inflicts upon […]
Yet another suicide jumper off this bridge,its the bridge of choice for suicides in NYC.Countless people have killed themselves there.Maybe thats how i will go one day too.
Youre just thrown into this evil cruel world
lol. heres where I’ve finally decided that everyone probably hates me. I will kill myself in a way that i can’t hurt others around me. Selfless action but yet again so selfish.
1. there are four people who i think actually love me
-my brother, well he does but not really. he uses me and manipulates me most of the time to get what he wants. i love him but love is mutual lol
-my mother, she is distant from our family. she just supports me financial. it seems like it takes a pull of hair to even get out and see me at a basketball game.
-my father, […]
When I was about 10 years old, I began to notice how, after survival, power, was the second most important instinct for man kind. As a little girl reaching puberty and as ambitious I must have been born, I asked myself: Who are the most powerful women in history? I came up  with 2. Marilyn Monroe and Cleopatra. What did both of them share? BEAUTY. Unfortunately, at 10 and being tomboyish, I was far from beautiful. I remember having suicidal tendencies even then, as I held a pair of my mother’s panty hose around my neck chocking myself while I looked at Brooke Shields in […]
Why can’t I have a prince charming sweep me off my feet and cure everything that is wrong with me. Why can’t I have someone save me? I think today I came with the conclusion that I can not end my life as easily as I thought. With all these complications. Life is already complicated, and now death is too?? Fuck that. Sometimes I think about how I know I shouldn’t be happy. And there is no shrink that can convince me otherwise. It’s like Inception, the idea is already planted in my head. I shouldn’t be happy, but I can’t help but think.. what […]
To fall asleep and never wake up.
I tried so hard, and i get repayed in fights. Okay. Your so rational. Ive been trying the butterfly project….not woking very welll….im finally done fighting with matt, he gave up…im quite ready for my death, i find it pleasant…ive been pasting a smile on my face and sometimes find it real, shocking right? Well my phone just gave me a heart attack so im gonna go….thats all~
growing up everyone told me that being adopted was cool and made me special and unique. It wasn’t until I was old enough to understand what being adopted really meant that everything changed. A mother and child supposedly have an unbreakable bond of love. A mother has an unconditional love for her child. I was abandoned on the side of the road as a helpless baby left for dead like trash. So now I’m haunted with the fact that if my own mother who is supposed to be the one that loves me unconditionally can’t bring herself to love me who can?? My own […]
Somewhere to scream. Somewhere to fall apart. Somewhere where I don’t need to be perfect to be appreciated. I could fall face first and still feel okay. I could speak my mind without fear of what will happen next. I could be me without being a disappointment. I would never have to be perfect again. I could learn what I think is important for my life rather than what the Government decides will help me. I mean lets face it, when will I use Shakespearean English or Functions and Relations again? I want to learn to fix up a car, to sew, to cook and […]