I read alot. Majority of the books I read I find on Wattpad an online place where you can upload your writing and read what others wrote. Recently I’ve been pulled in by books that always end in heart ache.
I just finished reading the novel “The Boy With the IV” by bellapotter_16. And I cried so hard for someone who doesn’t exist. I never knew how much cancer has affected my life directly, besides the fact that cancer is the reason I woke up one morning to find out my grandmother is dead. I was eleven, and never thought about what she was going […]
…to remember why I hate weekends.
…for almost constant reminders that I have nobody that I’m actually close with in my daily life.
…to dredge through the reality that other people are confounding.
…to face the fact that I spend almost all of my time working on projects as a distraction from loneliness.
…to wonder why I teeter on the line between dying and living.
…to ponder the horrible absurdities that are basic human motivations, and their inbuilt contradictions.
…to acknowledge that this is all I’ve known for most of my life, and grudgingly accept that it will likely continue this way indefinitely.
…and to realize that I’m going to run out […]
hi im 14 and my name is kiara. im in year 9 and i am always bullied. since kindergarden i have never had many friends. i go to school everyday tobe bullied all the names i am called hurt me deeply, im so over it. i go to bed everynight crying on the inside. i cant tell anyone cause no one would understand nor listen or care. i get called everyname in the book, even my teachers bully me. i dont understad why im targeted all the time but i hate it. i hate the feeling of lonliness and depression. i have reported the bullies […]
Dear Old Dad was such a great guy, a cop, a civic leader, a “family man”. Truth is he hated his two daughters. I guess he just didn’t want kids or we just got on his nerves or something. I just remember him being mad all the time, beating us, yelling at us. I was scared to death of him. Once my stepmother and I had some words and I thought he was going to beat me to death, he told me if he had been on his deathbed he would have found a way to slap me. Guess we […]
I wish i had never said anything in the first place. i made it 18 years feeling like crap, like i was unimportant, useless, etc. but i made it.
I have parents that constantly tell me i’m insensitive, that i need to share my feeling, that its not healthy to bottle things up.
but the minute i told them i wasnt happy, that i felt neglected, worthless, etc.
it became, oh your so dramatic, you dont know what your talking about, suicide? dont be stupid.
everytime i work up the courage to talk about it, they just prove me right… that what i have to say and how i […]
my name is heather im 22 years old and im tired of living. i smile and laugh in a crowd and secretly plan my demise. i dont have the normal reasons why people want to die (if there are normal reasons) im attractive people say. i am a college student and i have a bf. but im just so tired of existing. i fantasize about death almost everyday. im alone in a crowded room, and i cant handle the stress of my past anymore. I plan on overdosing in a forest its a nature center that has trails preston would be so proud lol. but […]
I’m 19. I normally bottle everything up and hide it but like i said, i just don’t know what to do anymore.
when i was about 5 or so my mom got in trouble with the government because her and my fathers medical machines were threatening drug companies. My dad agreed to serve her term teaching the air force because she had cancer… she died when i was seven and my dad didn’t even get to be there, neither did i. my grandma pulled the plug and wouldn’t let me say goodbye. Later my grandma sued my dad for custody of me, but when the judge ruled against her she quickly […]
i cannot feel anything unless it is pain. I dont want to live like this. i do not know what to do. I long for death.
As Three Days Grace says, “I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all.”
I agree. Not just physical pain, but it seems as if I hurt myself emotionally with intent. For about three years now, my depression’s been going on and off, wavering. Sometimes I’ll feel incredibly ecstatic, and other times I’ll be locked up in my room, cutting away with my frenemy, X-Acto. But most of the time? The feeling of nothing. Tabula rasa. Now that I think about it, it’s kind of psychopathic. No empathy, no warmth, just… nothing.
I have tried calling the suicide hotline, only when I’m home alone, which isn’t for long. […]
I’ve given up on everything.
Has anyone ever felt as if they are just waiting to die? I have a job, great friends who love me, and no REAL reason to not enjoy life. I just cannot seem to get past this feeling that I have accomplished all I am going to, nothing interests me, and I am just wasting time until I die. Would love to come to terms with this and possibly get past it. I have done the therapy thing but to be honest it just seems to aggrivate me, being asked the same questions over and over. Any input, from anyone, is welcome. I have edited […]
I had never thought about my depression after getting caught cutting. Until, my friend was curious how I stopped being depressed as much. That night, I gave in, I broke down, I coped, by cutting. The thoughts came back… I am back into my depression. And I’ll prolly never completely get out of depression alive.. So I’ll try to live my life with it. But trust me, I will get meds for my depression someday.
Remember how you got a call on the twenty-fifth of the month of may? Yeah, you do? Well how come you don’t give a fuck anymore? You said how, cuttings very bad, you and the school counsler, nurse, principal, social worker, and everyone told me the same thing. Does it seem like I cared? Because I sure as hell know you don’t care anymore. When you found out you accused me of doing it, “to be cool”, hate to tell you “mom” but I was depressed, and needed a way to cope. I had no one to talk to, you were always yelling at me, […]
The world is full of do gooders who have no concept of pain and suffering but have a total belief in their sense of what is right. They cannot listen to reason because their belief overshadows all. Like someone trapped in their own body paralised and helpless and unable to control their own future however the do gooders will tell that person that their suffering is all part of a great plan and they will achieve salvation, the fact they will have to live in agony for years does not matter, besides the do gooders do not live in agony as every day they condemn […]
Ive decided to close my account. This site hasent helped me, im sorry. Ill miss the niceness and vents, ill miss being able to talk to someone…i hope i can come back some day to vent again.
Bye sp, i may just miss you this much
My bestfriend told me today that he was close to killing himself but instead cut himself. I feel like I’m somehow responsible for it because I too cut. I feel like I almost kind of planted that idea in his head that it is an option because I told him about my cutting. But it makes me feel invisible, like after all I;ve told him about NOT starting and ot never do it because it’s addicting and he does. I want to tell him cutting isn’t good or the right answer, but thats so hypocritical! Like telling someone don;t cut, but it’s okay for me […]
…she would like it very much to live in a printed world. Where everything is written out, where Fate is written out. Where a little girl, whose heart is lost, must only move through the magic in the letters. Where she can define her own character and is not forced into a mould of someone else’s ideas. She would like it very much to be written into a family’s Sunday supper, with good food set on the neatly pressed table cloth. She would like to hug her mother and father goodnight, and crawl between the covers of her little bed. She would like to sleep soundly at […]
I am in so much pain inside me it is unreal. I never show it but it is just slowly eating away at me. I sit there and claw and cut at my skin. It just makes me feel so much better. It is the only way to make me feel better. When the first drop of blood hits the floor I feel so different.. so much better.. but then it all comes flooding back again. Is this wrong? Is it right? Help me someone. Please.
Hey, i really need to talk to some one.. the only person i have in my life who cares a little bit is my girlfriend who is also my bestfriend but she is friends with this guy who ive seen her messages to him..they contain messages like “i wish i had someone like you” and ” youre the only person i can talk to”
she says she loves me i dont think she does..i love her more than anything
i brought up these messages to her she said she didnt mean it but idk if shes lying
she stopped talking to him for a week […]
In all honesty I don’t know why I joined this site, I just sat down and typed “such a disappointment” into my browser and some how I got here. And now that I am here I think I have something worth saying. What that is I don’t know yet, but I guess I’m working on it.
I’ve never actually attempted suicide, but I have considered it. I’m sorry if that offends people who have attempted suicide and use this site as a way to voice themselves and their experiences. But just because I haven’t put myself on deaths door step doesn’t mean I havent felt […]