I have failed yet again. I was just taken out of the hospital and I am now on a 24/7 Suicide watch. I thought I had finally succeeded when I had seen the bright Hospital lights. I guess the real reason I Am typing this is that I need a fast way to be gone. I have tried hanging, OD, cutting of and artery and drowning. Please I need a fast and almost painless way. I need fast becAuse although my parents don’t care about me I have one “friend” I guess but he calls if he doesn’t hear from me every 2 hours. […]
In so much pain now 🙁
It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, how hard I’m cleaning, or sorting. It doesn’t matter how many times I walk up and down stairs, or when I water or tend the plants. Those waves. Those deep soul waves of sadness wash over my whole body.
I’m not crying but I feel like I should be. Tears must be still in reverse. My heart pauses for a moment. It sends a tremble in my arms and throat. A wave of sadness.
Why should someone so messed up crave something they’re not ready for? Love. I wish the heart would stop craving that it just doesn’t realize […]
Couldnt control my crying once more..
This time, it got worse, I was trying to run away from hurting myself, so i took some sleeping pills, and slept the day away..
Woke up to another dose of pain and yelling, then took some more.. and slept away..
I slept and slept till i lost the count of days.. It got so bad that I actually tripled the dosage.. I wanted to escape life..
Unfortunately I woke up…
Though I’m living today as a zombie.. I still don’t want to live..
The burden of being selfish to take out my life is hindering me…
But not for long..
I just wonder how can you […]
Okay it’s me again and I’m feeling really stupid for bothering you with every wee thing, but I just really can’t cope atm. I have this problem: I tell the people that hurt me, my parents, those who’ve abused me all my life and who made me the wreck I am, everything about my feelings. I know that’s not smart, but usually soon after they’ve managed to bring me down enough so that I’m in a state of depression and anxiety, they’ ll want to ” talk” about it and they’ll even tell me they’re sorry, and especially in my Dad’s case that he ” […]
I sit here in the darkness. The only comfort is the light in my bathroom. I hear soft footsteps. I see a shadow of a creature on four legs. It’s creeping walk slowly limbers towards me. In its jaw is a bone, it crunches in its mouth as some strange liquid drips from its snout. It walks as I reach for the covers and I hide under. A dog howls outside. A very large dog, possibly a wolf.
The creature tugs lightly at the sides of the bed. It lightly gets on the bed as it creeps under the cover.Â
The boy jumps out of bed and […]
I’m sorry if I snapped at anyone at all. I was merely trying to argue and was protecting others while explaining his position. (Sumer) Venom, don’t hate me because I side with someone. I’m the neutral party, if anything no one needs you to ***** out because they shared their ideas. Sumer don’t troll on here. These people are delicate. As am I. Don’t tread on the Bald Eagle. You are a rodent. Now scurry along and infest the russians home as they spill vodka over your body. Don’t hate the americans for the propaganda the russians spill.Â
Listen to the people that care, don’t hate […]
I haven’t been paying my student loan. I CAN’T pay my student loan. Dad found the letter from.. well, whatever that place is called in english.
Mom has me calling the student loan people, but i can’t. I can’t dial the fucking phone!
When she first confronted me, i just.. flipped. Started crying and what not, and she said some mean things, saying how none of her kids ever grown up, and she’s right. I’m 21 and i can’t make a fucking phone call.
In the end i wound up screaming to her about how I’ve been wanting to kill myself since i was 12, but […]
Hello everyone. I don’t understand my depression and often times I want to kill myself for being so goddamn fucking stupid and putting my boyfriend through hell. Me and my brother both have clinical depression. This isn’t something that can be fixed with just “positive thinking”. We need our anti-depressents. I hate to say the most cliche thing any depressed person could ever say but I really have always been a lonely person who never could hold a friendship. Kids wouldn’t tease me,They would belittle me. This isn’t what has made me depressed but this has shaped my lack of social skills. This world and […]
today I decided to tell someone I trust about how I’m feeling and how close I’m getting to suicide. And he blew up at me, telling me I was selfish and livin in my own delusional world. Thought it would take some heat off of me having someone know. Just made me feel worse because now I feel like hes gunna see me as broken. And the only thing he could say to me is that I need to see a professional, and not for one second could he understand I’m hurt and just wanting to heal but I want to do it on my […]
Broken. Used. Lonely. Abused. Ignored.
But who gives a fuck anymore?
Fuck you. Im glad you dont ask how im feeling. I dont fucking know myself.
How am I supposed to feel?
Why am I supposed to live?
I think I’m supposed to die…
I turned 21 earlier this mont. Even though im mucch like a child, I feel so jaded and far from my memories. This is my last real birthday worth celebrating. All down hill from here. For about 6 months i’ve been making some feeble attempts at planning a future. I cant bring myself to actively work towards it. I dont want to work or study the rest of my days away. I dont care to date, or try to keep up with the jones. Im bitter. Im lonely aznd i’ve learned that life is nothing but a series of ups and downs. Most people […]
Im scared. A little over a month ago my girlfriend of almost 7 years moved in with her dad in another state. We have a 4 year old son together and he means the world to me. I was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic when I was just 14 and have been living with it every day of my life. Ive never suffered from depression, I just seemed to bottle up my illness and not think about it until a couple years ago. It seemed like I couldn’t hold on to a job very long and wasn’t very motivated to work.
Im actually not in […]
I haven’t been on this website since April. Holy moly is that ever a long stretch.
Just needed something to vent onto.
I’ve had a countdown for 200+ days until my friend came home from a school exchange from Spain. She came home on the 22nd, I was very excited to see her.
On the 20th of June I had surgery on my throat and nose, that caused me a lot of pain that I am extremely good at hiding. I was and still am in constant pain but no one ever comments on it because they think I am just that strong. Â I found […]
I realise now that I have a problem. Actually scrap that, I always knew. The difference is that I am now ready to admit that I have a problem. So much has happened in my life and being the stubborn person I am, I pushed it all inside and pretended it didn’t matter. Now it has all come at me at once. Flashes of trauma, whether they be emotional, physical and even the few sexual from my past have come back and I can no longer live normally. I don’t sleep (without medication or alcohol), I barely eat, I’m always so sad, angry or anxious. […]
my ex girlfriend’s boyfriend want to have sex with me because she cheated on him with me…….HUH?
i moved on 4 months ago so why now…something always kills my happiness
not this time…….POSITIVE thats their problem not mine
STRENGTH…..haha not there!!!!
I’m 23, and I’m pregnant. I’m miserable. I’m 33 weeks and 5 days, and I want it to be over. I don’t want to kill myself, I just really want to hurt myself. I want to put my fist through a wall or window. I want physical pain to outweigh the emotional. I haven’t been able to work for 3 months and won’t be able to for another two, at least. My husband, the baby’s dad, has a shit job, like $300 every two weeks. He sleeps all the time and smokes too much weed. He doesn’t listen to me. We have no money. We’re […]
I’ve been taking antidepressants for years and they work for a while but then the black moods always come back. I switched my meds again but I just don’t feel right. I wish I had the money to see a psychotherapist on a weekly basis but I don’t. I just really need some one to talk to. If I thought that shooting heroin into my veins would help me I would try it. I feel so desperate and alone. I love my daughter so much and I know that if I killed myself it would really mess up […]
I’ve been having problems with , fighting with my mom and boyfriend, and they have caused me to think twice about whether I want to be here anymore. She makes me feel neglected, unwanted and a barrier in her life. She knows she is hurting me but doesn’t care. I have never actually followed through with hurting myself but really put thought into it. With my boyfriend he is CONTROLLING. He thinks I have to be next to him 24-7 and i just can’t do it. We fight constantly and I feel I just can’t get away. HELP?
Its almost the summer, and i feel alittle paniced. Ive decided i would like to die in the summer time, none of my friends will every know im gone next year at school. However life has basically just put an obsticle in my way. my best guy friend, i now have feelings for. maybe i even love him?(even puppy love) Its taring me in two. a part of me wants him BAD. I feel jealous when i see him with other girls, when he posts heart on other girls walls. I want him so bad and i dont know why. I just want to kiss […]