HAd a rough night last night. I cannot wait for the battle to just end. But while I’m here it just takes away all my energy and all my strength. I’m not hungry though i at smoething small. I’m not really thirty. I’m just so very tired. So very empty and tired. I feel like a rock that sits on the rviver bed but the strong current can’t move me no matter what. I just need to go back to sleep and see if this is finally the time I will be allowd to leave. Rest my head on this pillow and just dream. Just […]
things with my deppresion and life in general have felt overall better recently, but it is a daily fight, its like the celldweller song-birthright “holding on until my hands and mind start bleeding” it feels like they are bleeding, beeding pain. im getting tired anmd i can tell, everytime im having a bad day i have to fight every waking moment and its making me tired, what if i slip back and end up so deep or deeper as i was before? honestly im scared, all these what ifs are running throught my mind, im getting tired of the fight. “hes on his way to […]
yup. I cut last night. Just one but I couldn’t ‘not’ cut -.- I hate my brother. I like looking at it -.- blood came almost through the band-aid. beautiful -.- yeah I’m weird, whatever. I missed it tho.
My name is Alex. Everyone thought I was the happiest person they knew. I made myself believe it at times. I have been depressed since I was about six. And now seven years later…I Still am. My father left me, my sister, and my mother just so he could run off to live in Oklahoma with his hooker girlfriend. I believed everything was my fault. That nothing would ever get better. That nothing mattered. I was six. I was so depressed.Everyone thought that because I was so young that I wouldn’t be able to understand what was happening. But I did. They didn’t think that […]
Anxiety, depression, Bulimia Nervosa and cronically alone.
After seeking treatment for Comorbid major depressive disorder and Bulimia Nervosa I though I would change and consequently my life would change. Reality is a whole lot different. I constantly have suicidal thoughts, high levels on anxiety and extremely low moods.
I find my self in the grips of yet another bad Bulimia time. On a good night I eat dinner once and loose it once, on a bad night I might eat 3 and loose 3. I do it not to be thin but to ease the anxiety and stress and as an avenue for self harm. I am […]
a sum somewhere between 3,000 and 5,000 euro/$ .. what would you do ?
I would fly to Brasil (always wanted to go to South America) and find a way to die there .. the country where I am now, I hate it so much I don’t even want to die in it
what about y’all ?
the coward’s way out, then I’d rather be a smart coward than brave and delusional
ever since I’ve stopped going to college (sept. 2011), I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do next, what path to follow .. in vain
but the truth is: a future where I’m glad I’m still alive, where I’ve found a purpose is a self-inflicted lie .. my ego+personality knows that when I die, it will be the end of it and it can’t stand the idea of its own death .. so it would rather fool me into believing there’s still something to gain from, something to accomplish […]
Anyone else going through an abusive/controlled relationship that is trying to get out?! /’:
Go to sleep and close your eyes,
And dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wings against a thorn.
You know the pain that they have endured
Silver metal
Shine so bright
Scarlet blood
That feels so right.
Dream of that blood trickling down,
And wake up just before you drown.
The moonlight shining off your tears
As you bleed out your worst fears
So tonight when you start to cry
Whisper the cutters lullaby:
Hushabye baby,
Your almost dead you don’t have a pulse
And your pillow is red.
Your family hates you
Your friends let you bleed
Sleep tight with a knife,
Cause its all that you need.
Rockabye baby,
Damn Damn Damn
32 days clean from cutting UNTILL tonight.
Not worth saving
Despite the positivy i spread, dispite the smile i’m wearing when i leave home, or talk to a friend. Despite my constantly moving forward. Despite the bits of myself I share, the structure and advice i used to give. Despite living through unbeatable odds. Despite it al;l I still would like to die. I do not want to see the pain or happiness of tomorrow, I do not want to see the dog that chases it’s tail, the man that holds the door for his wife, the old couple struggling to walk into a store for food. I do not want to see another […]
～*my legs are dangling off the edge, the bottom of the bottle is my only friend, i think i’ll slit my wrists again and im gone, gone, gone, gone*～
The two things that have kept me pushing threw life are my dogs. Sad isnt it? Scotty and Sky .
Ive had sky for 7 years. Ive had scotty for 3. They where best friends. We where best friends. I cried with them, loved them, played with them. I always turned to them when things got bad. They loved me.
Well Guess what happened on Friday the 6th ? My poor little girl Sky got hit by a car. Shes gone. I dont know what to do or how to feel. Ive never lost anybody close to me before and i gotta tell you, it really hurts. […]
Sometimes I wish I was normal but that’s never going to happen. Life is supposed to get better but I doubt that. All I feel is numbness and it’s better than the pain I felt before. The only thing stopping me from going through with suicide is my best friends wouldn’t be able to handle my death well. My mom stopped caring about me a long time ago but my dad would go crazy without me with him. I refuse to live for myself, I only live for them, although I don’t care about myself, I care too much about others to put them through […]
Tonight, I broke down. It has been almost a month since I began recovering from a yearlong eating disorder that destroyed my life. No therapist, no support from family, just me. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am still going strong. Some moments are good, some are terrible. Tonight was just awful, I couldn’t get myself together. I was sobbing because I lost hope for half a second and I started thinking about everything. I just felt so alone.  I pulled myself together and knew I was going to be okay, sometimes we all fall apart. So at the same […]
I’m Carys, and this is my story. It started back in seventh grade, from January to now. I had recently met a girl, Kristin. We clicked right away and life was good. Until summer. One of my friends from before, Olivia, started acting up a bit. She was quieter, and preferred to stay behind more. I got concerned, but she wouldn’t say anything. Later, I discovered Kristin was a lesbian, and she liked me. I was kind of astonished, and I didn’t know what to think. Eventually, I fell in love with her. At the same time, however, Olivia revealed to me she liked Kristin. […]
I can’t. this isn’t living. This is barely fucking surviving. And I can’t take this anymore. I should’ve done it right the first time or hell even the second time…who knows maybe the third time’s the charm. Fuck! Fuck it all to hell. I can’t even think straight anymore. I just want this to end. it’s time for my pathetic/miserable existence to end
Im so tired. Of everything. Im 16, divorced parents since I was young. Two half sisters. One with a disease which will end her life one day. There’s constant fighting about it. That’s all I ever hear anymore. To make it even better, my little sister talks about how she wants to hurt herself. She got that idea from me, because I’ve gotten caught cutting. Im not good at anything, there’s something wrong with every part of my body. I laugh with my best friend but if we aren’t together im worthless. I disgust myself. And there’s nothing I can do. I want to end […]
Once I had a dream that I had just made an attempt to hang myself and I was looking in the mirror and there was a blue and purple bruise around my neck. A little more than a week ago I made an attempt and I looked in the mirror after I cut the noose off and my face looked awful. My normal coloring didn’t return until a few days later — I had to cover up with makeup and even then it looked bad.
That last attempt was the closest I have ever been to dying. I passed out and my coming to was accidental, […]
it’s been along time since i came on here. I have many reasons why i didn’t come back here for a while. one of them was because on march 7th, just in time something happened. And after that alot more things happened that made that moment- not so unique anymore. for anyone that’s read my posts before, this one is nothing new- still me typing probably not making any sense i just write as i think i guess.
Im stupid in love, not with him, with the idea of what life should be. I expected it to be a certain way by now, and i expect […]