why am i. oh that’s right. haha cuz i have no life. FUCK THAT LIFE U WIN! LIFE ISNT FAIR AND THATS EXACTLY RIGHT!!!!! I got it  i shall take a plastic bag cover it over my head tonight fall asleep and viola im gone. it will suffocate me to death and maybe wont even realize it! YES I FOUND MY WAY OUT OF THE EARTHLY FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Not sure if ppl worried about me or not…

I lost a friend recently.. He was one of my bestfriends, and he helped me so much with my depression.. And now he’s no longer going to talk to me… Ugh I miss him….
It’s getting hard… My depression feels like I’m getting worse..I also think I need knew friends becuz the ones I have no don’t really treat me right.. I don’t want to get into details…

-RawrImaTurtle….

Hi guys.. did that Mormon prick disappear yet? I couldn’t stomach how that sad little demon took over the forums, and I have a hard time not reacting to trolls, so kept clear. Thanks to Dawg and many others, the troll was battled and showed his true colors of virulent racism, hatred and homophobia. It was SAD because evil people like that are one of the things that has made me hate society, the world, and assured me I am right o withdraw and watch the whole of the country walk cheerfully into the shitter shouting God Bless USA!! God Bless US!.

Anyway – this is […]

all my life i have contemplated suicide, and imagined how much better off i’d be.. i really feel as if it cant be normal to wish you weren’t alive every single day of your life. with only a few half-ass attempts, i really need to ‘grow the balls’ now. believe me, i have tried all the outs. this earth just isn’t the place for me. it never has been.  i am now facing serious prison time. and with a few county stays under my belt, i know that it is not the place for me. being mental and suicidal i just can’t handle it. i […]

On one of the hottest days of August in the year of 1971, a fair Pitty Sweet made her red-carpet entrance into the world. The stories of a difficult birth were told for years, but one thing that was often mentioned was that young Pitty was born quite round.

Survey said she was so round that she could easily roll down the hill to the very bottom on her very own. Her mother insisted on red frilly dresses, but her grandmother not caring for the colour red, put brown dresses on her all almost every single day, and if anyone looked twice they might mistake […]

i just changed my facebook to pirate, and laughed because my email from the suicide project was in junk.
interesting life youve got the babe

I dont want you to know my name. everyone says ‘ you know my name, not my story’ and i want this to be the other way round.
So my mum and my dad split up when i was a baby, things were fine then when i was 11 i stopped talking to my dad. he said some stuff, and i got upset, anyway, we dont talk anymore. So thats that, and then when i was 14 my mum got this new boyfriend. i just dont like him, i dont know why, maybe its because theres ten years between them, i dont know. hes very […]

I havent been on here for awhile,not that I was a regular but I did post several times. If you want my backstory,please look it up under my name. I’m too emotionally tired to write it out again,so please dont post and ask me “whats wrong.”

I have tried yet another round of IOP and left feeling hopeful,only to have my world continue to crumble in the days afterwards. The people who are supposed to be my “aftercare support” are either pushing me further to the edge(if thats possible!!!) or looking at me blankly when I reach out for help. The source that i received help […]

This is my first time on this site. In an effort to do something about my isolation I have volunteered to be a stage hand for a play being produced at a local theatre festival in August. I am meeting the director today and feel so nervous to commit to this. On the one hand I think committing and following through with something would be a real accomplishment – not to mention the social opportunities. But I am SO afraid I will let them down by not showing up on a need-to-stay-in-bed day or an I-feel-paralyzed day or whatever. I really want to challenge myself […]

wow, it scares me who i have become in just 15 years. i remember being very young 0-6 didnt give a fuck bout anything mainly cuz i was happy i lived in beautiful California had great parents (who gave me whatever i wanted) then a week before my 7th birthday my sister was born. then my life changed our house was way to small for a family of 4 so a year later we moved we were stuck in ahotel for 2 weeks before we finally got the keys to our new house which to me is way to huge for just 4 people i […]

if you are reading this then i am hopfully be dead or at least in hospital! wish me luck and be happy my suffering has ended! 😀

Yeah I didn’t think so… Why would any of you worry about me? Anyways, sorry I’ve been gone, I’ve been safe at a friend’s house and then my grandparents saw a ‘bad’ pic on my ipod and now I cant get on a computer without them over my shoulder. Litterally. She stands right here and reads my texts and watches what i do. They’re at church right now so I get a chance to get on. Church…. My only freedom is when they are at church. Anyways… 4 days till I get on a plane for Florida. Not that it matters. My mom will probly […]

I haven’t heard from you in days. This has got to stop.
You need to stop leaving so abruptly, you could at least tell me what’s going on and if you’re okay.

I have BPD and it kills me when i can’t contact you. I’m not blaming BPD but i think it explains why i leave you a million messages. You should take that into consideration before yelling at me for being clingy.

I need to talk to you. Although you may be sick of me right now. Tell me. Don’t just ignore me.

At least then i would know you were just annoyed with me. Then i […]

I heard about this song on tumblr(Who Are You Now – Sleeping With Sirens) days ago and aghhh is just so true in some parts and makes me feel worst than I was. “You made me hate my own reflection question every choice I make”, people always change me, my “friends” have been telling me that I’m different but part of that its cause of them. So the best thing for them is to push me away making me feel more worthless than ever. Crying like a stupid baby.

Well great. School is finally over and I have to say goodbye to two of my best friends. On the bright side, school is finally over, meaning I won’t have to think about how much I suck at math, science, etc etc etc. This summer will either be when I do something with my life or get even more depressed. Also, my birthday is on the 14th, and I might get to see one of my old friends again. Sadly, I know sometime or another I’m going to fuck everything up all over again, like on my eighth birthday which I might go into detail […]

I just don’t know where to turn anymore. I’ve had tons of problems my whole life, like anxiety, depression, alcoholism. My mother recently had a massive stroke in November of last year, and hasn’t recovered. And a little over a month after that, I lost my only brother to pills. I really don’t know what to do. I have never fit in this world, and the one person that always gave me motivation to keep going is now gone. My drinking has gotten completely out of hand, and the idea of getting sober and staying that way, well, scares the hell out of me. My […]

I’m so fed up with this I’m thinking this is the end. I’m going to do it I can’t cope. Fuck these thoughts. So sick of my controlling boyfriend I can’t do anything I’m a prisoner. Always having to make
Up for pathetic things that don’t fit his requirements. I’m so sick of this but I love him and if I leave him he may kill himself. Ugh life why.

Today my mother told me that if she found me dead she would not feel bad… It’s not the first horrible thing she says to me but this was one of the worst

Now I’m wondering… what on earth stops me from killing myself?

I HATE MYSELF AND I WISH I WAS DEAD!

My depression has returned. 

I’m cracked, very close to my breaking point. Maybe I should break already. I just need an extra push. 

I finally got over Nycolle a few weeks ago and as I basked in the sunshine, Jasmine, my cousin, broke up with me. It would have been our 1 month anniversary…. 

I love her so much, at first, it was so unreal, and I felt so numb, now I’ve begun to become more irritable now. My brother who knew about us, he doesn’t understand I’m pissy and pisses me off a lot. 

I try not to get angry, but it just phases me too easily. When […]

am I supposed to keep going:

– when it feels like my drive to desire is broken (desire being the root of action) ?

– when my ego’s been getting weaker for the  past 5+ years ?

– when my mind cannot generate meaningful goals etc like it used to ?

I wanted to become a psychologist when I started going to college (sept. 06) .. it was my only and meaningful goal, my door into the future

I got to experience mental abuse & other bad things in an environment I started to hate .. unfortunately, I had no other realistic option than […]