I can’t share with anyone how I feel. None of my “friends” come from a broken home. I haven’t talked to my mother since Christmas and I can’t trust to tell my grandmother anything in fear of her telling my mom. My dad ignores me all the time and acts like “sorry son I didn’t hear you” and he try’s to cover up how he resents me. Seeing as I was an accident you would think he would have just put me up for adoption as a baby. My brother to. We just found out recently who my brothers real dad was and our mom […]
I don’t know. I’m suppose to be happy, I’m finally getting a full makeover this week on Thursday and Friday for saturday’s prom. i always wanted to be pretty, pretty enough for guys in school to stop saying how ugly i am behind my back or to my face. Pretty enough for me to have a guy look at me and say wow your pretty. Or at least pretty enough for me to actually have my first boyfriend, or even my first kiss. I want to be able to walk down the hallways with confidence and not  with my head down. I know that I’m […]
You let it happen! You stood by and let her say and do whatever she wanted if its any wonder why im messed up I only look to who raised me. You never stood up to her or said anything. When I needed you the most to be a father you made your choice clearly you supported her when I needed you the most! How can one man be so different in front of people and be a whole other person when there’s no one around. I know you can’t protect me from everything but you could have protected me […]
Dear mom
How can you be surprised? After everything that’s happened over the last few years how can you be even be shocked that I’m angry with you? After everything I’ve gone through and all you could think of you! I neededmy mom and my dad to support me and you could only see yourself. I needed someone to hug me and tell me it was going to get better that this was a rough patch. You couldn’t be there for me and help me through my two weeks of hospitalization after trying to kill myself because how dare I try […]
I’m Angry today I just want to scream but I’m bottling everything inside like I always do. It’s my mom I can only hope she never feels the way she makes me feel so invalid, and useless, fat, ugly, and horrible just rotten and hopeless and a failure. I keep thinking about trying to kill myself again Bur doing it right this time like jumping off a bridge or hanging myself. I get angrier with myself everyday I look in the mirror and I just want to tear it down and never see my reflection again. I hate myself right now […]
my life goes in a very predictable circle. I go a little while, recovering slowly bit by bit. Something goes wrong. I stop improving. Something else goes wrong. I start getting worse. Something else goes wrong, I give up on life, go back to cutting and drinking and drugs. Straw breaks my back, I try to kill myself. I find someone that says they really care about me, that asks for me to tell them everything so they can help. Things get better for a little while. Then the person snaps and can’t take caring for me anymore. I try to kill myself again. Repeat […]
my name is matt, I live in new jersey. i started off with depression when i was 3. at that time my father began beating me i would estimate once a week, as well as my father having somewhat severe fights with my mother which often hurt me because she would be emotionally unavailable and I obviously was very distant from my father which made me feel alone. this feeling of being alone has always embodied me. i now am 19. i started off in middle school acting out and made a lot of “friends” but got myself in a lot of trouble just because […]
i know this is suicide help but im caught on running away;
my boyfriend that i love so much and been with for the longest through THE MOST (me cheating, arguing daily, thinking im pregnant, my bulimia & anorexia, self inflicting, and self esteem) may be going to jail because of my mom; we may argue a lot but in the end were more in love than anything you could imagine; i was raped by my moms ex boyfriend and touched by her 2nd ex husband; all of this is coming out as once; and its sooo much pressure and i dont want my boyfriend […]
Before, there was a time where words could reach to my heart, no wall, no nothing. But now, words can’t get past this cold, diamond-steeled heart that blocks it. Just try to break it. Even yours or my will can’t break it. The Diamond-Steel Heart, a cold and harsh place where everything is dead and no such thing as peace ever existed or EVEN heard of the word “Peace”. This heart is like a world that was worse than war and after 2012 combined itself. Words? HA! No such thing existed. You have to feel it to believe it. A new world that is literally […]
That moment when someone tells you something that makes you feel worthless, stupid, unwanted..when all you can do is sit there and cry and cry until you cannot cry anymore, wondering why this happened to you, why people are so hurtful and careless, why the world is so cruel. That moment when you feel so alone, that everyone around you is elated, while you sit there, contemplating whether or not you should commit suicide, because you realize(or assume) that no one cares and no one will notice when you are gone, until it is too late. It is the most painful feeling in the world, […]
When I went to the nuthouse, I brought two books with me: Orhan Pamuk’s Snow and Gyorgy Konrad’s Stonedial. The latter is the closest I will ever have to a bible; every time I’ve gone somewhere new, that book has come with me. After all, Dragoman wouldn’t have walked through the double doors of the psychiatric hospital with shoulders rounded, arms clenched, flinching at every touch and trying to make himself as small as possible so as not to be hurt; Dragoman would have walked in like he owned the place, grinned, cracked a joke… he would have treated their confiscating of his clothing as amusing and, if I’m […]
Right now I feel like I should just get rid of myself, not only for my sake, but for everyone else’s. My parents are pressuring me into studying law, and I hate it. I’ve had to move from my home city to study it, and there is so much pressure on me to pass everything that I feel like my mind is going to explode. I’ve tried talking to my parents about how much I don’t want to be in this city and about how much I hate law, but they just keep telling me that I’m “wasting the opportunities in front of me”, and […]
I just don’t know what to do anymore! My parents are completely oblivious to me, and always wonder why I break out into crying(they hear me threw my wall) but don’t bother to comfort. My so-called friends call me names and talk about me behind my back, and think I’m worthless (I heard them say it, by accident of course). Even my younger brother (and mother) verbally hurt me, by calling me fat, worthless, and not worth their time. My mom cares more about her boyfriend than she does for me, and since I once cried at his house, every second I’m gone at my […]
I know right from wrong and I do understand God won’t put to much on ur plate but. Fu its not funny and I know ur toying with me. Well as my week turns I rear ended a brand new lexux. My x. Is playing control games. My parents leave town and the one day I do come home. My moms dog gets ran over chasing some person that was hiding in some bushes when I came home. Let me see death threats. And the only thing cool that happend is I’m clean and healthy and makeing my self […]
back in june 2011 my mom beat me, should i tell the cops?? it was a while ago but still child abuse
I remember a time where i could cut and then go on about my day with a fake smile as if everything was all fine and dandy. Cutting use to hold me together. It used to keep me sane. But now no matter what i do, or how much blood is shed i just cant seem to even pretend to be happy.I feel like i will never experience true happiness.
I never understood why people write letters before killing themselves. It always seemed sort of unnecessary and selfish to put the ones that stay under a letter apologizing why they did what they did because why did they do it in the first place? So I never understood why, until now. They write because it’s the last goodbye, it’s their last attempt to say they love who’s staying and they are sorry they couldn’t find a way out… They know it’s gonna hurt who’s reading it, they do, but they have to write it. It’s like when an old man decides to reveal his last […]
I’m done with my life. I can’t stand the raping and bullying at my school anymore. I can’t stand how my “friends” keep on back stabbing me. I don’t want to keep on having to cry myself asleep because of a guy who i love but for him i’m only another sex toy. I can’t take it how my family just watches from a far how i slowly brake down. And most of all i can’t take the people anymore who say they want to help but then turn around and don’t come back. Whats the piont in living if you only feel pain?! […]
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Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I have been depressed since I was 10 years old. I’m 14 right now. I have attempted suicide 4 times. I have tried to drown myself, I have thrown myself down stairs trying to break my neck, I have tried strangling myself, and I have taken 15 pills. Today, I was bickering with my boyfriend John all day. We argued over him eating, me eating, and me cutting myself. First time we argued it wasn’t that bad. Then I told him that I was craving blood. He didn’t quite understand. So then I went upstairs to […]