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Tired of pain of living

June 17th, 2007by sherzn

Each morning I’m disappointed to find that I’m still here. Each day brings such great burden. At the end of the day I have no reward for going through it. I fit the criteria for high functioning autism. I look normal so its an invisible disability. At least I now have a reason for always being unable to make conversation and not fitting in. It feels as if I was not made to communicate. When I try, my attention span runs out on me, and I have to struggle to find something to make the conversation continue. These …

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is this what we live for?

May 30th, 2007by themiserymachine

I sit here in this place of quiet and great knowledge. I sit here and I listen to the voices of those around me. Yet, I feel silence. The voices are distant. Far away from me, just like myself. Of course, I hear their words, but they mean nothing, as they have for so long. Until you feel the empty, you don’t know the meaning of alone. You don’t know the meaning of fear. They talk, and they live, and they love. They do not know these feelings that I feel. They do not experience …

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A Great Way To Make Your Child Feel Like A Loser

May 19th, 2007by Carrot_Envy

It’s been over a month after I officially graduated from college. I always thought my parents would be supportive of me and my decisions in life (Note: At 20-something, I still live with my parents (I’m asian! LOL) but ever since my younger sis graduated a month ahead of me (blame it to my university’s Academic Calendar?) and has been hired on her first job, everything has changed.

Cool, so, now my sister is the best daughter ever while I am just a lazy person who sits 24/7 in front of the computer letting the opportunities pass by. I already recieved two phone calls from different companies, the first one offered an above-average salary but I decided I wanted my first job to be memorable and related to my degree. The second one is kind of close to the field I a pursuing but the pay is so low, I would still probably ask for my parents’ money for my everyday fare. I want a CAREER which at the same time could make me pay for a bed space or a place of my own.

I have been trying to tell them that I am not like my sister. It seems to me that my sister is trying to prove something by getting the first job available. I could do that if I wanted to but as i have said I want a fucking career. Am I just being lazy, difficult, stupid, or all of the above? I don’t want to compete with my younger sis. I have always been the best in school and in co-curricular activities growing up, always been the best while the younger sis would be my shadow. Okay, maybe this is her moment (and she really is feeling it) but it’s already hurting me.

I only thought this vacation is a well-deserved one since I spent 6 long academic years in college, summers included. I was a state scholar which means i spared them from spending a LOT from having to pay high tution fees. 3/4’s of what i spent in college, i owe to the government. So, I don’t understand what my parents are bitching about. They have always been laid-back and relaxed even when we were having financial challenges before. So, why fret now that they only have my youngest sister (we are three siblings) to send to college to.

Parents should be

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Meaningless

May 19th, 2007by Charly

I’m almost 23. The first time I clearly remember wanting to kill myself was when I was 11. I’ve been wishing to die ever since and pray everyday that it’ll be the last. I suffered a lot in my life (physical & mental abuse, eating disorders, living on the street, working since I was 14 to pay for school and a LOT more…) and I only know pain and sacrifice. I cry everyday, that’s right EVERYDAY. I’m exhausted of having to fake that I’m OK, just to keep my mom and bro happy. It’s tiring to have to watch tv or go shopping or …

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Living

May 10th, 2007by LeenyyCareBear

Whats the point in liveing when all u want to to is die?? i mean if we dont like it here just kill our selfs y dont we i mean its not like the world will miss me. it mite miss u but i dont know soo…y live in a place we dont like ??

plzz answer this!

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I just wish it was over

April 11th, 2007by kakky1950

I don’t think I would ever have the guts to do myself in, but I’m so very tired, I have much to be thankful for, but have suffered such loss. My mother died of cancer when I was 17, my father was murdered when I was 32, I am a cancer survivor and a single mother. My daughter is 26 and back home after a failed marriage. Mercifully, there are no children from her marriage, but mountains of debt. I have been at the same job in the county where I live for 32 1/2 years. I have the time …

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rational suicide

April 9th, 2007by hollyhock

You know — my marriage and my job are both in trouble, but I know I can navigate these problems…….. there’s nothing that wrong with my life. And there’s nothing that wrong with me.

And sometimes I feel happy.

But no matter what problems I navigate, there are always just more. I can really see that life is never going to “work out”. It will always be a struggle. Any happiness I feel is temporary and unsatisfactory. It never outweighs the struggle.

And I’m just so tired of struggling.

I read all of these “anti-suicide” posts on the web. None of them really address the fact that …

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How to die

April 9th, 2007by koala

It’s lousy everyday with pain all over my body. I just want to end it all so that i can start my life afresh. I have no control over this body. Pls tell me how to do it without hurting anyone esp. my family…….

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a hollow ring

March 25th, 2007by sha

i feel like killing myself. it is ringing so hollow and so cold. it always return. it hurts so bad. but life is good. very good in fact. there is no need to weep. doting parents, friends, love. yet i cannot feel e love. my heart is fortified. impregnable. that it is so void. i do feel happy. but sadness never fails to return with a vengeance. so much so, i wished i would never feel happy. and fade into the monotony of life. what do you do when your heart is shattered so frequently. why do everyone seem to have a legitimate reason to …

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i think about buying a gun

March 11th, 2007by mieshia

i am so tired. i wake up tired and i live everyday tired. i just wish that i didn’t have to do this anymore. i look at my life and i see nothing, i see someone who doesn’t deserve to live anymore. i don’t belong anywhere. i have never had friends and any time i thought someone liked me for me it turned out that they were just using me or trying to manipulate me for their own benefit or amusement. i’ve never been good at anything and i am not smart. i have nothing to offer the world, i just take up space. i’ve …

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March 3rd, 2007by Unknown

I attempted suicide about six years ago. Unfortunately for me at the time, it apparently doesn’t matter if you take Ibuprofen by the dozens, you will feel nothing but sick the next day. Sick, but breathing. I was suprised I woke up the next day – sleep felt like slipping away from life, there were no dreams. There was a feeling, for a time, that I was dead and conscious of it. In time, I grew to resent what I had nearly done to my family. I’m depressive by nature, and the fact that, physically speaking, I’m as ugly as one can imagine, didn’t help …

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Have I left enough undone?

March 2nd, 2007by eonspike

I made it for a few years this time with out getting depressed and suicidal. Had a number of anxiety attacks do to stress. I guess it was inevitable this time, I have been trying to overcome spinal surgery almost a year ago and still off work with a lot of drugs and still the same pain as when it all began. I can’t walk very well and have just lost hope that it will ever get any better. I am creating problems for my wife that she does not deserve. But I just can’t help it, it’s like waves coming over my head I …

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should i?

February 22nd, 2007by IM WORTHLESS

part of me is telling me yes the other halve is telling me no, im 15 and will never grow past 5 feet my familly hates me. everyone spits on me in school, i feel like a worthless piece of shit , im just another brick in the wall of society. i have no friends and all the councles i have are trying to prolong my suicide. im could in a situating with a knive to my rist. some one please help me. i just wanna be normal and fit in. if im not logged on by tomorrow night then things have …

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Failure

February 19th, 2007by looser

I’m feeling suicidal again, lets see if i last the month. I managed to pull myself through my last session of suicidal thoughts and depression. From mid September to mid November 2006 i became paranoid and suicidal, i honestly don’t know how i managed to pull myself through and get into 2007. But its happening again, i don’t know if i will survive it this time. I’m less hopeful this time.

Its coming on slowly as it did last time, building up, this time i cant see a way out of the hole I’ve gotten into. Can i make it trough to March, how …

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i need to know…BAD

February 15th, 2007by scaredforher

My friend cut her self 4 times in like 2 days she says she wont do it again…do u know any websites for advice to help her or do YOU hae any advice for me.

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Employment

February 14th, 2007by rdavis8866

Men know what its like. Losing your job can be devistating. Two years ago August, I lost my job. Having two children and a wife to support, it is very difficult to face life everyday. Each day, I begin with looking through the want ads…then callling to see if I can schedule some informational interviews. Almost two years of this and nothing. I decided that I needed to return to school to complete my degree, but now I sit in a classroom full children who are young enough to be my children. I wonder if my family would be better off without me. Atleast they …

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Uncertain How to Proceed

February 14th, 2007by Dancingapricot

I feel like an anomaly. I’m 27 years old and have never so much as kissed a woman, much less had a relationship with one. When other people talk about the relationships they’ve been in or the difficulties they are having with romance, I find it hard to feel any sort of sympathy. I am entirely unable to empathize with them. I believe that people who get to be my age like this begin to become bitter and develop anger towards the opposite sex. I find myself having these reactions but try to suppress them. I want …

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sorrow

February 8th, 2007by killerjoy

Fuck….I dont know what to do anymore I hate myself every second of my life…I feel so ugly I feel so angry at times because I get so sad at night when im alone..I always try to invite someone over…I dont want to be alone. I hate being alone I hate it so much I wish I had someone to talk to my therapsit who I used to see hasnt made any contact with my since last in november…I feel so weak now. I tired to stop cutting but I cant help it I feel so pointless. I just wish I had someone to talk …

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hapiness is an illusion

February 7th, 2007by lost

i had cut myself, she made me promise to stop. i wanted to kill myself, i couldent leave her. she was always there for me for evreything, even when i wasent there for myself. i care about her. i know somethings wrong, she cuts herself in school… ALOT i dont know what to do, shes in so much pain, i want to help, i dont want her to be alone. i try so hard, but i dont think she trusts anyone, she yells “FUCK OFF WHAT PART OF LEAVE ME ALONE DONT YOU UNDERSTAND” she ignores me …

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Help is never there

December 19th, 2006by liz

Why is it that when I actually reach out for help, it is never there? Why is it when I don’t want help or interference, it always appears? Why do others minimize my problems or say there’s nothing wrong with me? All I want is to quietly exist. But I cannot exist as I am now.
I feel anger so much these days. I don’t know what to do about it. I cannot release it and I cannot live with it. I went to a psychiatrist who said there was nothing wrong with me. I saw a …

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