i married someone that I wasn’t in love with a few months ago when i shouldn’t have but i didn’t have the guts to call off the wedding before hand.  i spoke to my husband about how i was feeling and i know it was awful for him and i didn’t mean to put him through this after not being married that long but i’m not happy and i haven’t been for a while now.  i thought my family had my back but now i know that my ex is calling my family and talking to them about everything and calling all of our friends […]

I’ll have officially turned 26 by the time I have posted this.

This morning it hit me.  I’m turning 26, still living with my parents, never had any further education or qualification.  I’ve wasted my life.

I look back now with regrets.  “What could have been”.  I’m really unhealthy, a non-existent love life and well, no future.  I think today would be a perfect day for suicide.

I have a plastic bag and a helium tank in my cupboard… no gauge though.  Home alone.  Fate be with me… let me die.

Dance in the fire from the sky

The crimson raindrops burning alight,

Dripping down from the fire that is the sky.

Light the match and let it simmer,

Let it burn a hole through your heart.

Light the match and let it simmer.

Sit among the raindrops of flame,

Dripping down from the fire that is the sky.

Let it burn, burn, burn off her skin.

Rip her from the bone,

Set her dreams aflame,

As her spirit screams to the sky,

Which no longer exists .

She’s trapped, she’s trapped,

Burning her spirit not living,

Any longer,

Forever in Hell.

I don’t know. I don’t know why I do anything. I hardly ever eat, when I do it’s not because I’m hungry. I’m bored, I’m angry, I’m sick. I feel like I’m going to be sick, but I just keep eating this shitty angel delight. It tastes like fucking vomit. But maybe that’s because the smell of vomit is lingering in the air. Yeah, I vomited on the floor yesterday, I don’t know what fucking happened. I didn’t even clean it up for an hour. I just let it sit there whilst I listening to Joy Division. Some of it is still there.

I’m a […]

I have thought long and hard about how to kill myself.  I don’t have any reason to live I have lost everything that was important to me in a rash moment of drunken madness.  My wife tells me I’m a worthless hopeless human being and I cannot go on. I have tried hanging myself.

I feel like a coward but I have to die as I cannot face the future and what I have to face. I have decided to end it.
I love my wife.

I have a good career and respect and I am about to loose it all. In the moment of rash madness I sent what could be seen as a threatening text to a former boss. I will probably lose my job I want my life to end in the next few days.

hi. i’m buggie29. buggie because thats what this boy used to call me. i want to die. im scared though. my dads a police and he kinda used to always tell me stories about people who wanted to commit suicide. i always thought they were so stupid, but now im in their position. im scared, but i dont want to have to deal with this bullshit that happens anymore.

How can every life be precious when there are seven billion others?

At what point does self-esteem building become self-delusion?

When you set goals, are you setting yourself up for failure?

Are chronically depressed people ill, or realistic?

Do psychoactive drugs improve your life or just numb you to your pain?

If your friends and family don’t want you to kill yourself, why don’t they do anything to help?

My life seems to have fallen apart.

The First thing that happened was my mum leaving my dad , yeah alright parents break up all around but my mum left me with my dad and my three brothers.My life was never gonna be the same.

The Second thing that happened was disgusting I was still 8 and my oldest  brother was 15 . One day I asked if I could play some songs on his keyboard and he turned round and asked me to kiss him and he’d allow it, so I did ’cause I had to practice this song for my lesson. Then after that it happened more and more […]

So i dont know its been a couple of days since i decided im going to stop hurting myself. I havent failed. But my emotions are everywhere. Im a mess. I just want to die, i havent thought how id do it, but last night i dreamt i hung myself. And i felt the almost life draining out of me in my dream. It was amazing, i felt relieved. Then i woke up, and im still alive, thinking to myself, i wanna die. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to leave all my loved ones :'( i dont know what to do anymore. If […]

My quest for perfection is finally starting to destroy me. I’ve been caught up in the staunch objectivity of school- the only thing I care about is my future academic career. I’ve always been an above average student in terms of sports and academics, but now I feel like its all coming to nothing- I care too much; but I don’t want to care, I don’t want the pressure of having to achieve and do well in life.

The most blissful moments of life are those moments in which you simply don’t care. I just want to sit back and accept what I seemingly have no […]

i want to disappear, forever. it’s been a year, the most agonizing and painfully slow year of my life. i should be better, but i’m not.

recently, i was admitted into a psychiatric unit as an inpatient. i was on suicide watch. they locked me in a room and had a police guard sitting outside my door. then i was diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder. i had to call my mom. she cried. it hurt.

i cut. i hate myself. i hate my elephant body. i count calories meticulously, but i also go on terrible binges. i purge. my sad bouts get progressively worse. i […]

I don’t know what to do guys, everytime i get upset i get suicidal thoughts. I know I have depression but accepting it and trying to treat it isn’t helping me. The thought of anti depressants make me more upset. I hate that I can go around and see so many people normal and then there’s me. Half the people around me are clueless of what I have and sometimes I wish they know so maybe they could talk me out of the thoughts I have. But as if i’d go up to someone and ask for help? I just can’t. I’ve tried telling people […]

I am really having a hard time right now; this past week I’ve been keeping myself fully occupied with asking people to keep me from being alone (everyone goes out of their way and does so in a heartbeat) with times spent in between writing to others I’ve ‘met’ here. There’s no relief… I mean, I put myself out there in an attempt to feel some connection but no matter how much I try, or how others try, I still feel numb… worse possibly. I never expected anything in the first place but I guess I just need to write this out right now and […]

I’m a fucking superheated blight on the face of the Earth.

You don’t know me, you don’t know my name. I could die, and it’d be a death of very little consequence.

I’ve left no footprint in the sand. None. What evidence is there that I’ve existed at all? That I’ve felt things? That I’ve cried.

So I suppose I’ll just crawl into the hereafter, alone again. But not before I get super drunk.

To those I’ve loved; keep loving. To everyone else, fuck you.

No idea what to put as the title, so oh well.

I’m not 100% sure why I’m posting stuff up here, but sometimes, when you know you can’t go into it with anyone else, it just becomes a “What the heck, why not?” moment.

Now, just for a summary of things, I’m 23. I’m not prone to depression as a relative mental issue, nor am I prone to actual suicidal considerations or tendencies. The last time I even had a properly suicidal thought was in my mid teens, during a period in my life when everything was going completely in the dumper, after a half decade of […]

I’m not perfect and I am by no means trying to say I didn’t do my fair share of. Hurtful thing. But why can you not take any responsibility for your damage you incurred? And why do you have to be so mean and spiteful and down right nasty. Just because something is different doesn’t mean its opposite. nothing is different but everything is unique. a fact is a fact. Cannot be changed but truth is objective. Preception is reality and no one can tell keep it from you. I hate that u won’t allow us to both be right. Its always a battle. […]

Please enlighten me!!!

When the fuck does life get tired of beating the living shit out of you??

For some reason the sweet kiss of death is so much more promising then the mere thought of tomorrow….. two more hours… then the sun comes up and I put on a happy face and for what?? I’m not happy. I’m fucking miserable….but soon…. soon it’ll all be over and I won’t have to fake it for another God damn day 🙂