I have been under surviellence by the narcotics division and feds for almost 4 years now by helicopter (every single day 365 days a year), and under other surviellence for over 6 years. I used to be into dealing drugs and long story short, convicted of multiple drug felonies. I was so deep into drugs ill give you an extent, I did 78 Exctasy pills, 10 hits of acid, smoked 7 grams of crack, snorted 3 grams of coke, snorted heroin and was still alive, I consider myself a recovering addict but the side effects have haunted me for the past 7 years. […]
As many of you may have guessed, I intended to make my final exit this coming weekend, however I wish to delay it for an additional week. It may sound funny or that I “chickened out” but I have come down with a nasty sinus infection with the yellow goop and all and I do not want to die while I am feeling sick. 🙂
As I have said many times, I have a careful plan, but there is absolutely no Drop Dead date or time or schedule that I have to meet. I keep advising others about there being no rush to die, so I […]
Hey here is a really good video….it helped me a lot is called  a reason to live, it leaves a grat message.
living life. who knows? maybe it does get better. but time doesnt heal everything. that is such a lie, whoever said it does. people will crush you eventually if they havent already. hell I’m not even 20 and everyone I know has hurt me one way or another, physically and mentally. I found out yesterday that i have body dysmorphic disorder. and my mom told me that im gonna be seeing a doctor soon for my chemical imbalance because they think im getting too depressed. but i wouldnt call it depressed, more like disturbed. mentally disturbed.
Looking through others’ stories, I know my situation and emotions are not unique. I’m also acutely aware that I could be a lot worse off than I am. Sometimes I see my depression as self-pity. Maybe it is. None of it changes that when I lost my job this week — the only good thing that was mine alone — it made me want to die all over again.
I doubt I will be able to get another job at all like the one I just lost. My work history is sketchy, and personal connections and education inadequate.  I’m 25 years old and I have never […]
The last day or so, I’ve become seriously concerned that when I tried to kill myself, I really did injure myself cognitively in some fashion. That I’ve inflicted some permanent damage to my brain. I have no idea how long I was unconscious. Now I’m torn, do I try to recover, or do I finish the task?
An inspiring graphic novel called The Next Day, about four people who attempted suicide but survived.The Next Day is a creative and worthy undertaking, a unique and powerful discussion of an issue that is at once growing in pervasiveness and intensely tragic and troubling. There’s a review posted at New York Journal of Books: The Next Day is a creative and worthy undertaking, a unique and powerful discussion of an issue that is at once growing in pervasiveness and intensely tragic and troubling.The Next Day is a creative and worthy undertaking, a unique and powerful discussion of an issue that is at once growing in pervasiveness and intensely tragic and troubling. http://nyjournalofbooks.com/review/next-day
You know i had thought i hit my all time low last week when i realized i had no friends but ive realized that today i have really hit the nail on the head when i texted my mom for some advice on what i should do and i told her abiut my urge and she told me that i can go check myself into a.hospitla for all.she cared because she was done with me ive been crying every since then now my mom is gibing up on me too i really dont have anyone now,so whats the point in me going on im […]
So I’ve basically been fighting depression and anxiety my whole life, especially the last two years have been rough.
My life has slowly deteriorated and all my struggling just seems to be in vain. All my interests seem gray and mostly just feel like chores the few times a month I actually do them.
I feel sorry for the few friends and family that is still around me, because how can decently fulfilled people possibly be able to relate to the darkness that I emit. I used to be so positive although things were rough….
I have begun self-medicating a lot, pills, booze, it doesn’t matter. I do […]
it’s getting harder….
I keep thinking about Italy. And today in product design whilst on computers I looked up suicide websites…. Luckily I don’t think that my teacher noticed…. I want this all to stop. I know it’s selfish but it’s what I kinda want….
OCD.
Depression.
Self harm.
Self hate.
Anxiety.
Horrible family history…. :/ .
Home life….:/
School and their words….
I’m so confused. These feelings have just gotten worse, before and during Christmas and now their back….
I don’t think I can do this…..
🙁
<3
Warning to those planning on exiting. Please make sure you do not do it impulsively. Took three weeks off work. And let’s just say I was in a certain place under the influence of chemicals and alcohol and the thought occurred to me to go ahead and do it and die.
Needless to say I failed. Paid no attention to my environment and ended up with nice short stays in places where they keep one confined for one’s own safety  over the holidays. Lucky I did not lose my job.
But I did discover how the last two people who wronged me left themselves open. Not normally a […]
So i went for a jog today to help control my anxiety and i ran accross a brige and i had the biggiest urge to jump off the brige idk whats wrong with me
Some here that “know” me know I love dogs … hence my “name” – Dawg – I take in older, unadoptable and handicapped/damaged dogs that no one wants. I have a few that are permanent residents and I try to foster one or two that  have no place to go or that need a temporary place while they await medical treatment or a permanent home.
I have had more dogs die or be put down while they were “waiting” … each one kills me a little … but strangely makes me happy in that they died loved in a way they may have never experienced. You […]
sleepless nights.. dark days follow.. broken dreams fade with the sorrow.. why awake…why tommorrow? i had a heart that they wanted to borrow.. they took me away became its owner.. empty all alnone the lonly loner …. dosnt know if she feels how she sould.. and all the words come out written in blood .. the words of goodbye the words of hate … the tears of death.. the tears of too late.. the scars of punishment stay within thy soul… cant feel her numb heart out of the cold.. she feels as if her life was sold .. for a glimpse of happiness .. […]
for about 9 or so years i had lived in a small judgmental town.. i was continuesly bullied.. to the piont where the only friend i had were the plenty of cuts on my arm… i thaught if people felf sorry for me maybe they would be nice.. stupidest mistake i ever made.. it only got worse.. i attempted cuicide and ended up in the hospital.. they all beleaved it was fake.. i went by emo, slut , cocksuking *****, druggie, crazi skitzofranic, and other.. i was suspended tree times of drug use ..and had stoped coming to school.. one day i was put in […]
I’m not bipolar. I’m multipolar. Every emotion I feel is too much. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. Anxiety is my core feeling — truly the mother to all of my other feelings. Imagine that for a minute. Some of it makes sense, stuff like fear, sadness, or paranoia should stem from anxiety. But joy or happiness or love, the best and most important feelings to have, coming from anxiety? How ridiculous!
Living this way leads to a lot of extreme behavior. Edginess is the norm. Acting out is common. In the past year and a half, I’ve bought a house, gotten a divorce, lost […]
Does anyone enjoy solitude as much as I do? I haven’t left the house in 4 days and I’ve been quite happy… I couldn’t go on for too long though because I’d get lonely…but I’ve enjoyed the freedom and not having to worry about the things I normally worry about … being around others for too long just drains me at times. Ahhh, splendid isolation.
The idea of actually going through with suicide has never crossed my mind until this very moment… I mean you think about it but yearning it is a very different feeling. I’m not afraid of the pain, it can’t hurt as bad as what I’m going through and yes I know, people on this site and out in the world have a lot more problems than I do. Hell, if I could, I would fix everyone’s problems, no one should worry about having no money, losing a job, not being able to afford food or water, being sick or worse yet losing someone. No one […]
Haven’t slept for 3 days and I have a feeling this might be the 4th.no ones except me and some kids in my class who was actually concerned about why I’m so tired all the time. Well the first 2 days were spent with me getting yelled at for falling asleep in class do today I decided that I wasn’t gonna get yelled at again,I drank an energy this morning and had a whole bunch of caffeine that kept me up and about all day but I was still out of it.i don’t know what I’m gonna do about tomorrow though just because I’m broke […]
I just wanted to make sure that if I needed to do it, it would be there for me. I tried it out briefly, put it on myself. I think it might be lethal if I’ve set it up right. I could probably make it more of a sure thing with alcohol. Maybe things will get better. I feel so weak. I’m afraid that if people know, they’ll take it away from me. Nothing seems more depressing than losing my choice. Why do I feel this way? If I did it now, it would take awhile for them to find me. They’d be in bed, […]