I was sexually molested(hurt) the first time at 4 years old. This continued until the age of 15, when at last my mother died. MY life has been screwed up since I was a little child. Could’nt make it in school. Joined the Army, got a bad discharge. Started robbing people to survive, went to jail. Got married, had two children. I was sent overseas, when I returned home, my wife and daughters were gone, she had run away with our neighbor. I had been using drugs for a long time, I increased use dramatically. Went to rehab, found out I had bipol disorder. tried […]
I don’t understand why people smoke in this day and age when they know its so bad for themselves and those around them, I understand addiction though, but why do people take up the habit these days. Even if it was dirt cheap and didn’t smell or have side effects its still an annoying habit that takes up time.
Well I talked with my ex today, a very heavy conversation… one that (sadly) but also good i guess if the ideal situation is achieved after this point, saved me from myself today. While I didn’t really push or care what her response was, she randomly threw me a bone, the very chance I wished came a lot earlier. Minimal contact for 2 months, and at the end, we will reconvene with different perspectives on where to go from there, i am feeling this is a 50/50 chance right now that it does come with the results i wish. While I am also hating that […]
What random rambling shall be sewn together today in this post.
I’m moving forward a bit, trying my best to push dark thoughts from my mind. The nice retreat to a rented house on the beach helped too :). Realize I need to get away from home. As soon as I got back then my uberly happy mood went BLAH! It’s disappointing how people are not aware of how their actions effect others. Don’t think they really care.
I also realize that I have no real goals. Nothing particular to strive for. Right now I’m just going. Just chugging along til I run out of train track. […]
I guess I’m suicidal. My stomach churns just putting that label next to my name. I think about it all the time. I think about all the things wrong. I get sucked into that black hole where you just keep going down and down. And then I find myself on facebook in an immature poke-battle with one of my best friends (who I also happen to have been hopelessly in love with for years) and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I watch the notification pop up again and again. A real smile, not the stupid fake one I plaster on my […]
Depression is kicking my ass right now.
I feel fat and ugly (I’ve never felt really bad about my appearance before. It’s like when I look in the mirror, I see the fat 12-year-old I once was. Now I feel that way even more, even though I understand fashion and makeup and hair even more than I did in high school.)
And I feel worthless no matter what. My parents treated me like shit for 19 years, all they ever taught me is that all I’m good for is sex, chores, and looking pretty, and that nothing I ever do is good enough. Well, thanks […]
I literally have no friends and no family. Work sucks and my health is bad. I am over 50 with over $1M in debt.
So why am I so lucky? I just got my 12 gauge short barrel shot gun with oo-buck. Problem solved.
Chapter Two of my story, which began with, “On Wednesday Night, I broke.”
On Friday, December 2, I attempted suicide. I hung myself by my neck with a cable TV coax strung through a metal shelf. I failed, because I was startled by an unexpected sensation of falling. I told my wife, and she called my mother, and the two of them put me on a sort of informal “suicide watch”. This is what happened after that.
On Sunday, my mother came over and spent most of the day with me. She’s a former cop and detective sergeant in the […]
I’m not the kind of person to tell someone about my bad day. Or how shitty and downhill my life’s going. I’m not the kind of person that can tell you that suicide crosses my mind everyday. I dont want to end up in a mental hospital, but i know i am crazy. I have fallen so far in this deep hole called depression that is overloaded with dirt and is slowly suffocating me. What are you supposed to do when that happens? I hate my life, and i’m still so very young. I smoke cigarettes, and weed, and nothing will ever escape me from this […]
I’m so very afraid of failing. I have failed myself; I have become weak and patheticly sad. I have lost my ability to fight, tread on, or at very least endure. I failed my parents and any other relationship that became an affair of the heart. I am failing my children.  I am failing in my career and by the time my divorce procedes and finalizes, I will only be a financially failed shell of my former self.  –But most of all I am afraid of failing at suicide.
Im done living this lie im going to tell everyone how the f__k how i feel and let them know that tomorrow is my last day on this earth
I was picked up out of my home and thrown into a mental hospital on 12/30/2011 for a week so it really thwarted my plans of ctb before the new year. I left the hospital with a false sense of optimism, and now I’m sitting in my apartment on suicide websites again…..feeling like my soul is dead and I’m just going through the motions because that’s what I was told to do. Truth be told, I have no idea what the next day or weeks ahead of me hold….I know today was a shitty day, not sure when the glimmer of sunshine will show through […]
Idk why but today i just really want to kill myself,i am in real need of someone to talk to
I met a guy a year ago and I’ve had a crush on him ever since I saw him. we’ve always been friends and I know he’s been thro a lot and he knows I have too. I’m like best friends with his sister and I went to hang out with her and we went to a party with her bro there. he got drunk and I got drunk and we ended up hooking up. a week later I started to really like him… then over Christmas break we hooked up again.. and I still like him more then before. I’m scared to love him […]
This might be funny, I don’t know. I’ve been suicidal for weeks (months on and off) and been thinking about it this past days. A lot of reasons why; university, family problems, legal issues, self-hatred blah blah blah. Anyway, I decide to watch a couple of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle episodes out of boredom with my little brother and end up watching an episode called ‘Same As It Never Was’.
Now, I’ve got three brothers and I’d be lying if I said the turtle superhereos don’t remind me of us. So this episode has one of the turtle brothers transported to a nightmare future where their […]
I just can’t stand another day living my life. I’m at my lowest and I think if I die my mom would be happy. Or not, ‘cos she and my stepfather and also my lazy half-siblings treats me like  I’m their cleaning lady and they won’t even give me a dime for everything that I do for them.
My mom says I can’t have a bad attitude because I’m not pretty, that everyone leaves me because of my sucky attitude. It’s sad that the person who should tell you that you’re beautiful is saying the opposite thing, to think that she’s my mother, and almost everyone […]
i hate this feeling this i hate when i feel weak i hate when they dont care but thats life and my life is a ***** so fuck it
i am married 33yrs old and i have lovely children, i have a deep depression and i was also attacked in may, my husband blames me, i cant trust him as it was his brother who attacked me, for the first time ever i actually ended up in the mental unit 4 time in the last few months, life is unbearable, my husband is a liar protecting his brother, i took over doses and survived and i tried hangin my self but was brought round  unconsious by my husband, i cry every day i have lost all trust and hope , what can i do? […]