2 months… ?

Well I talked with my ex today, a very heavy conversation… one that (sadly) but also good i guess if the ideal situation is achieved after this point, saved me from myself today. While I didn’t really push or care what her response was, she randomly threw me a bone, the very chance I wished came a lot earlier. Minimal contact for 2 months, and at the end, we will reconvene with different perspectives on where to go from there, i am feeling this is a 50/50 chance right now that it does come with the results i wish. While I am also hating that i must live in such pain for 2 more months. Let me explain, while many believe you can move on, and to base a life or death decision on a person is ridiculous. This may be true for most, I am not saying I’m special or unique or that my situation is like no other. I have issues with a few things- one, I NEED perfection, if things are not perfect I snap, I get frustated, I am completely unable to function, and to me she is perfect, we both share OCD, depression, similar goals, both are somewhat intelligent (she is VERY intelligent) she is beautiful beyond belief and she has an aura that i noticed the moment I met her (as friends for 3 months, i was even dating someone at that time, and i knew she was special).  One of the others things that makes her perfect is how we communicate, logically, almost NEVER with emotions, the moment we feel even a hint of emotions, we move on to another topic, we have NEVER had a true fight in my eyes. She is also an angel, untouched by any other man but myself, that is something I value so highly. I am a very jealous man. We understand each other in so many ways, we really do think a lot a like, we have our own language, and we continuously learn new things together that I couldn’t imagine anyone else thinking it wouldn’t be crazy. As you can see, to find a woman exactly like that would be impossible, and as I age, so does that possibility. I will also tell you, I am considered “good looking” I workout 6/7 days a week, I try my best and be the best for her. I know the moment that there is no chance we can be together, I will COMPLETELY lose all will to continue and stop everything almost instantaneous. (I will add that prior to her, I was really nothing, she gave me the energy and possibility to become the best, made me forget the rest of the world, EVERYTHING, and whenever or if it ever came back, we’d get out of it together). I know this already to long so I won’t add much more, ask away and I will answer, i have exhausted and explored so many ways of living without her, but it’s just not possible, I hang on for now, silently waiting functionality, or the warm embrace of death.