I doubt any of you read or remember my previous posts…it’s been awhile.So in short…just to recap…last yr i found myself a 40 yr old virgin who had never even been on a date and was convinced that i would die alone. All i wanted was to end my suffering…i was at my breaking point and just wanted my life to end.I felt i need to voice my feelings and since i didn’t have anyone to talk to i went online and found this website and so i told my story not thinking anything would come of it, just needed to get it off my […]
Dear Father,
I feel hopeless, helpless, worthless. I have jeopardized my life, and most likely hurt others in the process. You know my sins quite well, and you also know my regret. I am lost. I though I was fine by myself. I though I was self sufficient and didn’t need you. I let myself fall to complete shame. I became vulnerable to the Devil’s sins.
Father, you know that I let my moral character be destroyed. I let my moral fiber to be taken. My narcissistic, and hedonistic behavior clouded my judgment. It is bad to let yourself indulge every whim. Such pleasures are temporal, and […]
I want to be happy, this is true,
But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
Ive tried everything in the book,
Maybe if they took a second look,
theyd realize im at my lowest point
Even when I smoke a joint.
Even when I pop the pills,
Even when I can pay the bills.
Every object I see can be
The thing that kills me, sets me free
Does everyone else think this way?
Do they think about it every day?
Do they research easy ways to die?
Do they sit in their room all day and cry?
Do they feel like there is never hope?
Is anyone else in the same boat?
I feel so alone, have no […]
I’m not really sure why I’m writing this, I guess because I feel completely alone and this pain is making me physically and mentally sick. Maybe I should start from the beginning, I can’t remember a time when I never felt sad. My childhood was really traumatizing, My father and Mother both have mental illnesses. They divorced when I was young and my father then died when I was 14. I remember having suicidal thoughts when I was 12, and I’ve had them ever since then. At the age of 18 I feel like a old person, everything makes me tired! I mean everything. I […]
First of all, this is NOT an advertisement for a suicide partner. I would much rather die alone. Before I came to this site, I had never really heard of getting a random suicide partner. So, for those of you who want one, why? I’m not trying to be judgmental at all…to each his own. I am just trying to understand.
U dont know but my story has gotten to be a long one. i wish i could tell u everything to see what u would say. Would u call me emo? Would u never talk to me again? I cant risk this chance. thats why i just want to leave u a note and never have to explain. i wish u could just look at me and know everything i was feeling. but for the safety of u, i cant speak up. not even lead u to what it could be. i hate feeling like im lying to u. how i just wanted u to […]
I may not be the beautiful girl with the perfect life or gorgeous boyfriend, but i use to be happy with how i was and to have people that loved me. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 11. i have been a cutter since i was 12. Suicide will one day be my way out of this horrible life. My father once told me is was selfish to be depressed and be suicide when there are lots of people in the world with worse problems. The thing is, Â is that how do u help the way u feel? Its like love, how do […]
So ill start by saying… im not the best writer… and will probably jump from one thing to another…so sorry about that
Ill start with… Im 18 graduated a couple months early and was working but had to stop because i couldnt keep working with the people i worked with… infact i cant work with anyone… I dont talk to anyone and by that i mean noone.. parents sister old friends from school… I still have a couple friends i seee everyone know and then but when im with them it always feels really awkward… and it seems nowadays theres always this really awkward silence to […]
She departed the house, anxiety and fear along with excitement and trepidation. It was a big ride – climbing to the top of Mt. Tamalpais. As a Mt. Tam virgin, the unexpected thrilled and frightened her at the same time. Previously, people had very good comments about the ride – challenging yet ultimately rewarding. “My favorite rideâ€, “the views are spectacularâ€, “tacos afterwards at a good, local taco joint†were the thoughts echoing themselves in her mind.
D returned home from school to find that her dad wasn’t there. There was confusion followed by an inquisition of mom as to where he had gone. She […]
i’m running’ out of breath
no air is my chest
its like i can’t breathe again
we have another fight
another sleepless night
it’s like i can’t see the end
were screaming on a daily basis
why we keep wasting
something that was once so strong (
I can’t keep on fakin’
smiling around my friends when
deep inside I feel so wrong
used to be so nice to people but you know what? Shit gets to you. You get tired of being fucked over countless of times. You get tired of people walking all over you. You get sick of being labeled “too niceâ€. You get fucking sick of doing so much for people but not being appreciated for it. Fuck being nice, all people ever do is take advantage of you. Im so sick when people look at you like your a fucking freak! Fuck those “friends” who left you. Fuck that asshole who hurt you. Fuck that ***** who can’t keep her mouth shut about […]
I’ve failed everyone, I don’t have the will to continue, I can’t force myself to do anything. I would just stay locked up and never leave my room. I can’t stand the world, I’m tired, desperate, I can’t continue like this. I want some ways of committing suicide, it’d be helpful if it were quick and seem accidental, I don’t want to further disappoint my parents. Please help me.
Nobody is home. Nobody is going to be home until late tonight. I could just quietly slip away.
My life is hopeless. I’m like Radshac, Meshac, and Abendego, and I’m going into the furnace unless God intervenes.
I don’t want to be alone today. I’m so tired…
So theres this guy I have liked for about 4 Years, and then one night I introduce him to one of my girl-friends of 5 years. This ‘GirlFriend’ has had several mistakes and heartaches in her life, but that doesnt matter.. she whores herself around and then comes crying to me about it. She slept with 3 guys in a day one time. Then she came to me teary eyed. And this ‘guy’ that i have crushed on forever, he likes sex, and im full on willing to give him that.. i dont even care.. Even though he doesnt want me to because he thinks […]
I finally know what real love is. Because anything that hurts this much must be real.
I can lie to my boyfriend. Tell him he’s the only one I want.
I know he’s in love with me. But I don’t love him.
My heart was cut out of my body and taken for a ride.
When I first met , I read his eyes and saw how much pain he was in.
Hugged him when he was upset.
We sat at a beach for five hours just talking. I didn’t feel pressured. I felt free.
I still remember his touch.
I fell in love that night but wouldn’t admit it.
Enter the thieving *****.
She […]
At first I could never sleep. Now I only want to sleep. My eyes are always so heavy. My body is always exhausted. I have not said a single word to anyone in a few days. In fact, I deactivated my phone and Facebook account. Talking to others was becoming too gruesome for me. The plight of listening to the clueless was more than I could bare.
The four day weekend is a done deal. My husband and I laid way low. We could hardly talk for turning it into a fight! All I hear is babbling about FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY and we have seriously messed up individuals in both of ours. Managed to avoid all of them. Turned my phone off. Took walks, raked leaves, raked leaves and then some more. Low on cash, so didn’t cook up anything fancy, but we did cook.
Bit too much bickering. No one is ever right, we’re both tired of dealing with broken relationships with parents, siblings, etc. that are beyond repair. Wasted arguments about […]
I haven’t written since I came back from Paris, I’ve been busy which has done me some good I guess. I haven’t had much time to sit and allow myself to think until now, it’s been nice in a way being surrounded by friends and not being able to think.. I guess I need multiple people around me all the time so I don’t think and they can help me when I do think. I ended up seeing Mara after 3 months of me going away to Paris and she going off to college.. we had about 30-40 minutes together. When I first saw her […]
I really don’t want to live anymore. I can’t see even a sliver of hope for myself. I’ve been clinically depressed since I was 12, and I’m now 18 and I can’t remember ever feeling this bad about myself. When I was 12 I started doing drugs, and it just continually got worse and worse over the years. Eventually at 15, I got in much trouble with the government and some stuff happened then I got sent to rehab. I was in rehab for 7 months total, and 2 months in juvy before that. When I was in rehab I really didn’t think I needed […]
Think about it. Who is really qualified to say it’s over?