Yes death come and take us
What are you waiting for
All this pain and suffering
We can’t take no more
Keep on waiting, tell me what for
We all see it’s going nowhere
Just repeating this shit
It’s like banging my head on the floor
No one comes to save us
So let’s end this horror
Not even death comes to rescue
So I think to myself
There must be a point still
To find in this mayhem
Clearly there have been lessons
That were to be learned
But how much does this stuff keep going
Is this worth something more
All I can […]
If I don’t quit drinking, I’m gonna die. I’m only 27 years old and I can already feel this poison destroying my insides. I drink everyday to suppress my emotions. But even if it wasn’t the emotions I was running away from, at this point I get what’s called Delirium Tremens. This condition occurs when you’ve been drinking as heavily as I have and then decide to stop drinking cold turkey. I’ve tried quitting like this a handful of times. Every time I did I’d start shaking like crazy and sweating excessively. But that’s not even the worse part about coming off alcohol. Like I […]
i wonder what it’s like to be happy and loved…and taken care of and not always worry about things like starving or going hungry, or always being cold bc we had no heat, or not having money to buy necessary things like shoes that don’t have holes in them.
i wonder what it’s like to actually be loved and accepted as a human being, as i’ve never had that as a child. to be loved and accepted with no conditions, like just being born and loved. that is what MOST kids had, but i didn’t get jack shit. no love, no acceptance, only […]
I just don’t have any hope left.
I don’t believe in the pot of gold behind the rainbow.
There is no rainbow in my life.
It’s been DECADES of hell.
If I were young and healthy, like many of the youngin’s on this site, (17-25 yo), it may be a different story. But when half your life is already over, and most of it has been hell on Earth, I can’t believe the bullshit ppl say when they say “you had a lot of bad things happen which means you are BOUND to have good things happen soon.” That is the biggest crock of […]
So… for a few years now, I’ve been quietly dreading the death of the family dog. She’s nearly 16 now, very old for a retriever. She’s actually my parents’ dog, but they got her while I was still living with them, and I raised her for the first few months, and spent a lot of time caring for her/playing with her over the years. For a while I was her substitute “parent” – she used to fall asleep on me when she was a puppy. As sad as it is to say, it’s probably the closest I’ll get to an actual parental/caring role in my […]
I’m not doing well, and haven’t been for a good few months. Always been a depressive type, but I’ve really fallen down lately haha. Especially recently, where suicidal and self harm related thoughts have been daily. Been in contact with people to get help but waiting lists are long (and hope’s falling a bit low haha).
One of the things I keep thinking about is when I was in a better (though far from good) place a few months ago, and one of my very close friends was in a much worse place than they’re in now.
I checked in on them near […]
I’m in my early 30s yet my view of my future hasn’t changed since I was in Elementary school. The future I desire is death and it always has been. I never imagined living into my 30s and I definitely don’t want to live in my 70s. Perhaps I would be happier as a cyborg where I don’t have to deal with the reality that this body will weaken into an immovable husk one day. Wait, just a brain would be even better.
Anyway, I never wanted any of the things “normal people” view as making life worth living. I don’t want a career since I […]
I had to go to ER and my infection was so bad they admitted me in-patient to the hospital for 5d. Well all my horrible health issues aside, which are super bad, that aside….I get slapped with a $1632 deductible, just for coming into the ER. How lovely. This is how “great” America is. -_-
bc other people lack self awareness.
and advocate for it or make it more accessible. as well as the other life improving stuff, too. that’s going to be my mission. i screwed up my life out of fear and committed social suicide. this isn’t heroic. that’s what people think but it’s not that at all. i’m killing myself because i can’t stand the mistakes i made. and how they affect me. not how they affect others. people keep interpreting it that way. they only think my life is deserving if i’m of use to others. i probably projected that onto myself. oh well.
i’ve given up on talking to chatrooms. or the […]
When I woke up this morning I had an email, and it said that the Social Work job wasn’t taking me. It’s a form letter, which I’m not sure if makes it any better.
So….. yeah. I was hoping I’d be less dissappointed, but I don’t run the show there obviously. There are other counties with the same job, so it’s not even the end of the road on that job. I have decided I was overly honest, people don’t want truth, they want what they expect to hear.
I won’t be right back at it again until next week, at the earliest. I want to get […]
overthinking every little thing. feeling bad others aren’t doing well. disdain for how i spend my time. nobody i can relate to.
A week ago I was up at my parents, conversing with the neighbour. A strange character in my opinion unlikeable shuffling up the road forced his way into the conversation. Perhaps the neighbour knew him, I didn’t nor did I want to. As I suspected the neighbour didn’t like him either and remarked to me that this interruptor who must have been at least 60 fancied himself as a hardman. Yesterday I was up at my parents again and noticed whilst driving into the estate a house which looked like it had been fire damaged. I got talking to the neighbour and got the full […]
Cognitive Empathy vs. Emotional Empathy (verywellmind.com)
guess i can learn all this psych/social psych stuff i’m on my own, but i always need an audience..
in my case, the people at home are not suitable to have conversations with, period.
Did something happen?
This innocent question I hear
Was it something I said?
What did I do?
Could you somehow see the invisible tears?
It’s been rough, I will say
This hasn’t been my year.
No, it wasn’t you.
Why, do you ask?
I can’t tell my story for my fear
You can trust me
Your secrets safe, I swear.
Tell me your story
I will listen
I will show you that I care
OK OK I shall bear my soul
Maybe you should take a seat
The story leads to darkness
Somewhere past the pain […]
I feel like it’s the end of the world
Do you?
Have you noticed that time is going by faster than before?
and even as I type that I realize my anxiety comes out in unexpected ways. It’s a weird headspace I’m in about it, and I’m writing it down because chances are WHATEVER happens in the morning, I won’t remember what this felt like. Call it trauma, call it ADHD, I don’t care, big events wipe clear hours and sometimes days before they happen for me.
I took today for me, was feeling a little over manic yesterday. I did a ton of cleaning over the two days after I got the interview request, then I had nightmares about being instutitionalized. Maybe this thing I’m calling mania […]
I’m tired of being this. And I don’t think I have it in me to be anything else. I tell myself that I’m going to change, but I never actually do anything. Deep down, I don’t really believe anything is worth doing. I’ve ruined my life, and ruined my mind, and any changes at this point can only marginally delay the ship sinking.
all of it are social ills. i once thought that people committing suicide over words or bullying/harrassment had to be some form of narcissist. but narcissist doesn’t mean bad. in a way, it almost does. i guess bad just means killing people over it, i don’t know, like a school shooter. there was a recent shooting in iowa. but i hear about people who have done things like this and still, some people don’t condemn them. what i hate the most about society is our lack of forethought. i consider myself to be a considerate individual. i think people need to pay more attention to […]