people on here tell me to not commit suicide. hm. what if i told you that i am sick. if i told you i was actually sick and lost 10 pounds in the past few months even though i eat, wud u believe me? would u be amazed if i said i am now 80 pounds and am losing more and more?

no. of course not. but its true. and i really dont want to die due to an illness. its my own choice, my death is. and id rather go off in bang than otherwise.

well…this is one of the reasons at least that ill […]

To a fiction-writer,

My dear, learning from the devil is to get taught of what’s a devil is all about.
And doesn’t mean you have to approach the devil, and to become one.
Everyone has a dark side, and you just lock it by ignore thinking of it.

Even your writing skill lacks emotion, and the interconnection between fragments, and you have to build bridges between sentences, to enhance smooth transition of that gap, with your emotion filled,
but if you have a competition mindset to win to be the one who writes best, you’ll tend to write things out of evil.

And you misinterpreted the idea of […]

Today has been interesting, I’m in a funny mood. I just got home from school and had oatmeal with banana and cinnamon and vanilla yogurt in it, It was really good. I feel very full now, and I ate lunch today as well, I had a rice cake, two crackers, and some carrots and some pumpkin seeds, not too much, but filling.

Im afraid, I have work in about an hour, and I don’t want to binge, I binge at work usually, and it helps the time go by faster, but it ruins my day. I dont know how to control it. I work at a […]

It’s exam time for my junior year in college, and I’ll most likely get everything done last minute as per usual, but I’m very tired of the routine and direction my life is heading.

I basically go to school so I have a place to live that isn’t my parents house, draw and write in the between time. I have little substantial passion exempt the girl I’m in love with right now and passing sporadic interests in art and psychedelics. It’s basically a long distance relationship, which was regrettably the same as my last relationship that ended horribly with lost ambitions and suicidal thoughts. I drank […]

Eyes like glass
Cold
Dark
Blank
Thoughts lost in the sea
The sea of the Abyss
She can’t wish
She can’t wish for this
The ship lurches and falls
Along the rocky waves
The waves of the waves push her on
She wants to drown.
But Hell won’t let her.

He grabbed me and threw me to the ground. My arm cracked as well as a few other bones. He wanted me for his prostitute, I had said no, so now I was going to be his anyways. My opinion didn’t matter, after all, I was the one would be pregnant. He lifted me and brought me to his room, there he dropped me on his bed. From when he had thrown me to the ground, it hurt to move, I was helpless. He pulled my shirt over my head and threw it aside. He reached towards my crotch and unzipped my jeans; he slowly […]

guess what this is about…..

I crammed everything into my bag, they were coming. I was sweating and moving quickly, I had never been so stressed. When the last needle had disappeared in the blackness of my bag, the door banged open. I was thrown to the floor and I felt some bones crack. I rolled over and watched them search my abode. They found nothing; until one picked up my black bag and turned it upside down. Needles and bottles fell out, air tight packages and tablets, I just starred. They examined the contents now on the floor and looked at me. One pulled me […]

I was falling, into deep, unforgiving darkness. A great amount of pain filled every part of my body. I cringed but the pain only worsened. I wanted to cry, but my tear ducts contained no moisture. All I could do was endure the darkness and pain.

I stepped onto the beach and the sand crawled from under my feet. Step after step it tried to escape. I eventually reached wetter sand, more willing to have contact with my soles.

I have been totally numb. I have been told that they want me dead, they want to hit me, I’ve been told that I make everyone insane with only my existence – and I have felt nothing about it. I have wanted to cry but haven’t been able to make tears, I have run away from a mental hospital and fought with the nurses. I have wanted nothing but die, I have cut too many slices and what more…

Even failed on failing, too many times.

And I thought it was the worst it could be. But no, I don’t even feel depressed at the moment. I’m not hopless […]

If i don’t reply back on this post, it was nice being a part of this website.

I tried it, in February. I taped my arms together, and my legs too, so I couldn’t save myself. I made a noose of some nylon tie-straps and tied then to a beam, in the attic, in the garage. I was making my final preparations (freaking out) when my husband opened the garage door.

I jumped off the ladder I had been on. I remember hearing him say “No!” and remember him trying to lift me up, yelling at me to “stand up on the ladder” and then I remember nothing. That took up about 5 seconds. It wasn’t painful at all. That’s all I remember.

Until […]

Why am I here? Sitting at this computer, writing about god knows what. Simple I want to write. Why don’t I get a theme? What should it be I ask my self? I can see it now, breaking seller the book because for being a true story about a normal 13 year old life. I wish it were so simple. If writing where simple I would have a book by now but I guess I don’t. Why is it that I don’t get asked out when I walk down the hall? How come nobody has a crush on me? I cut my hair paint my […]

i cant stand it. i am angry. goddammit i havent been angry in a while.

my set of few morals:

if it aint your business then dont talk about it to other people.

dont lie to yourself.

dont have sex (as in willingly) until you are 16. (one more year)

yeah, not hard to follow. well, maybe the second, but it can be easy to fix. my friends expected me to break the first! its strange though. i nearly killed tina when she said in her snotty attitude “trade me places i dont want to sit by her anymore” just because i told her that its not my […]

I’m fifteen years old, and have been clinically depressed since I was ten.
people are always telling me to “wait it out” and that you wont feel like this forever.
well, I’ve been depressed for five years now.
And reading some of other peoples stories on here that our older, it seems like there life hasn’t got any better.
so why keep on living this depressing life?
why not just end it early, so I don’t have to live like this, since it clearly does not get better, it still sucks.
I don’t get why I should keep on living, feeling worse and worse  by […]

It’s four a.m. again
father, forgive me for this sin
uncomfortable in this life
I can’t put down this knife

I’m carving words in my arms, baby.
Hey, scars are part of my charm, maybe
I need the touch of a hand
This isn’t what I had planned

I need relief from this life
I wanna slip away into the night
don’t wanna see the sun again
but can’t get swallowed up by this tragic whirlwind
I wish the ocean was warm
I feel like drowning

I’m losing my faith in me
I can’t remember the last time i felt free
from voices inside my head
when I […]

so as South Park said….”gingers dont have souls” and cause f that……everyone says i dont have a soul!!!
and then i get the stupid “clever” names……people wont leave me the hell alone….
and then…from now on EVERY FRIDAY IS HUG A GINGER DAY.
celcbrate every friday, now.

oh yea..and i get the ppl who r like, ur hair is so beautifl….and then certain kids at school come up to me and just start stroking my head…im like wtf?

Hey I was bored a while ago and made this, and when I saw celia501’s post I descided to post it up on here. so anyway, feel free to look and comment

I just wanna get to know people here.. so post your name, location and a quick summary of why you’re here.

Name: Martin Truscott
Location: Edmonton, AB, Canada

I was just rejected by this girl who I thought was awesome, and she randomly decided to be in a relationship with my best friend, and I despise them both now. So I’m here to meet people and try to deal with the pain, and just because I’ve been suicidal for a while anyway.

so i have tkd day…
i didnt go yesterday so my parents got pretty damn mad….
idw go..my knee hurts and i dont feel into life…
i never wanna do much anymore…just sit in my room and take things apart…right now, im working on a Teac Stereo…..its cool….
next i have a toaster, and a keyboard….
its nice..i can tinker with things and listen to a7x, disturbed and korn…..like heaven..and when it rains its better….