Why TF is it still 90 FUCKING degrees here in this goddamn shitty city? I HATE where I am at. It’s been fucking disgusting ALL summer, the most miserable 4 fucking months. It’s fucking SEPTEMBER FFS. It shouldn’t still be so hot and humid and disgusting in SEPTEMBER!! For me, there’s health issues so it’s not just oh I don’t like summer. It super aggravates me skin condition and I can’t walk outside at all. Not to go get food, nothing. Even indoors is disgusting bc my POS AC is utter crap. UGHHHHHH.

I HATE my fucking life […]

For those of us with childhood abuse and/or neglect, are we just doomed for life? I mean sure, many ppl can continue to work and go through the motions of “life,” but how many of us damaged folks will actually live a HAPPY fulfilled life, free from our internal angst and inner turmoil?

ESPECIALLY those of us with severe childhood mental/physical abuse and neglect? Those with less abuse and neglect might be able to lead perfectly decent lives, but those who experienced severe abuse and trauma- do any of us really have a chance? I don’t think so. I’ve talked […]

Here comes AI to take all our jobs away and make humans obsolete.
And not everyone sees AI as a problem? “I’ve been programmed for good”…yeah, and all it takes is for someone to hack or program in something nefarious. Like everything doesn’t get hacked these days.

~6min

It’s overwhelming… too many thoughts. Future, past, failure, her silence, this deep loneliness… it’s becoming too much.

I want to make that decision right now.

I could use something here, in this place.

I could make it all go away for good… and that’s all I want…

I want to make my stupid selfish self go away…. my rot that does nothing good for the world… I’m too loud and obnoxious anyway… and just an idiot… I’m consumed with worthlessness.

Too much, it’s all too much… in any case, I know I can be easily replaced for a better individual… I’m not needed. It makes me laugh, sometimes, when she […]

That’s what my mother has always been, and will always be. WHY was I so stupid to not realize she’s the same old evil ***** who had abused me my whole childhood? What an idiot to think she’s changed or gotten better now that she’s old. She’s still the same lying manipulating ***** she always was. All she does is fucking lie to me and treat me like absolute dirt. I can’t fucking stand her. It’s been absolute HELL the second I got here.

Shitty ppl never change.

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I’m buzzing a bit on dopamine from the last few hours of this game, so this is my disclaimer of that. I could be full of it, as far as this particular mindset of mine working. Dopamine makes you think you have good ideas, and some times you don’t. That’s what makes one manic, excess dopamine, all the ideas seem like good ones. The reason it’s such a dark dive…. is that many ideas aren’t good, and unfortunately our brains use chemicals to signal that.

Seriously, it’s kind of screwed up that humans spend so much time fiddling with their dopamine and seratonin levels…. but that’s […]

I can not take one more day of this. I can’t keep feeling the way I do. I can’t take one more day of eating alone. I can’t stand to see another couple holding hands. I can’t fucking take another day of seeing her.

I saw her again Tuesday morning. She was 2 feet away from me at the most, if I reached my hands out I could’ve touched her. Guess what she said to me? Nothing. Nothing at all. We were texting for a week or so. She hasn’t responded to my text in two weeks. I guess none of her new friends […]

Its 4 am, im on my own. Im drunk. I started to “fix it” by snorting an assortment of drugs i have in my nightstand. Things have been looking down at me for the past few weeks, but it has been bareable. Right now im lost. Like i said, im all on my own tonight. I have all that i need and more with in arms reach. I dont want to kill myself but i am more than ready to die. Tonight the alcohol, drugs and blades seem like such a comfortable thing. It seems like the right thing to do tonight, eventhough i KNOW […]

So I’m standing on a railway platform, leaning against a pillar, waiting for my train. Looking ahead of me, trying to keep my anxiety under control, and not to get too caught up in depressing thoughts. As another train pulls in behind me, I notice a couple of girls smiling down at me from the raised street level across the tracks in front of me. They’re waving and shouting something at me, but I can’t hear a word because of the noise. I look confused, and gesture that I can’t hear, but they keep waving & smiling. Now there’s no reason for them to have […]

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I finally moved a few weeks ago. Took long enough I guess. Glad I’m out. Overheard someone tell my dear father that he needed to “push” me to get out, so I went ahead and got it figured out for the poor man. Now I’m my mom and stepdad’s burden for awhile, I wonder how long it’ll be before they’re sick of me.

Shit still hurts.

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Life has been ABSOLUTE MISERY since the LITERAL DAY I moved here. Folks, do NOT ever move in with your selfish fucked up mom who never cared much about you growing up. WHY was I stupid enough to move back here? Bc I had nowhere else to go (thanks to SISTER who fucking made me give up my rent controlled apt) and bc I thought it would be a separate “studio” so it would be separate from her place and that it would be renovated.

Little did I know, that ONLY PARTS of the bathroom and kitchen would be renovated, and the rest […]

My idiot mother 1- hired a shit contractor 2- never checked the work of the shit contractor and 3- tries to either blame ME for all the shit that went wrong OR doesn’t ADMIT that there’s a FUCKING PROBLEM.

Since DAY1 of my moving in here, the toilet, sink and shower has been nonstop leaking, idiot gets called to fix it, he comes SIX TIMES, and STILL hasn’t fixed the leak in the sink. Took him THREE times to fix the shower leak. He never fixed the toilet that was sucking water from the bowl into the tank, almost like a half-flush it […]

Well, the deed is done. My grandfather is “buried”. Not really buried actually. Apparently its a thing where a large marbel slab houses a bunch of caskets. Part of the slab is opened up and the coffin just slides right in. So theres this big strucutre that holds a bunch of dead bodies stacked on top of each other in like rows and columns. Very odd. He was put up on the highest row. They needed to have a little pneumatic lift raise the casket up and some dudes had to push him into the slot using […]

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