I have more interviews coming up. Today, I think I bombed one. I didn’t prepare and froze. It wasn’t anything huge. It feels better getting out of the house. A new face. I enjoyed it. I was lightly laughing at myself inside. Haha, improv, not my thing.

I drank poison a couple days ago. I feel small. I feel embarrassed. I feel exposed. That Gaga spread so many rumors about me because she felt like it. And said “Drink it” when I confessed how I felt. So […]

I just can’t. I’m battered and broken. IDK what to do. Every day is hell. Torture.

I can’t take much more of this. NOTHING in my life ever gets better, only worse. And lately I’ve been dealing with toenail fungus that’s spread ALL over my body. FML. Been dealing with the toe for 4 years and the skin spread for the last 2 years. I can’t fucking get rid of it! And no, going to a dr to get some prescription cream does not fucking work.

And that’s in addition to the daily torment the shit fucker […]

Learned a new word today: Limerence. Doesn’t perfectly fit my feelings for her, but it’s pretty close. I don’t think I’ve felt truly “happy” since she has stopped talking to me. I have moments where I feel happy but I haven’t felt long-term happiness in so long.

I’m in a constant state of misery and anger. I’m miserable because I miss her so. damn. much. I miss her voice. I miss her laugh. I miss her texts. I miss hanging out with her. I miss her face. I miss thinking about her and feeling happy, not empty and sad.

I’m angry because I […]

My grandmother fell down and suffered a major stroke. She isn’t responding to pain and the doctors said that even if she did wake up her quality of life was going to be poor… How pathetic is it that after hearing she fell down, I even promised that I would constantly tell her I love her especially since she herself commented on the fact that I never say it. Bloody hell, I’m crying due to my regret… Yet I can’t help but think I’m such a wretched being that should just die already. I wish no one would remember me so I can just disappear […]

This guy sums up money in a nutshell.
Worth reading the whole way through.

https://vaibhavguptawho.medium.com/why-you-should-stop-saying-money-isnt-everything-3c6c20a4215c

all of the below assumed I had my parents support. Apparently not.

I’ve tried everything I can to make good, to make this work, and I can’t. I’m going after disability, because getting off these meds requires a financial and emotional stability they can’t provide. I can’t taper down, I can’t go to grad school, and I can’t get a job. That’s disabled. Oh well if that makes them ashamed of me, I tried SO HARD to do what they wanted.

they apparently hit “fuck it” today, so I did too. Fuck all the way off if you think that this human will ever function again.

It’s an […]

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I have a shit life I can’t seem to escape, not without a LOT of action and courage and facing a bunch of unknowns (i.e. moving to a 3rd world country not knowing anyone and not knowing the language with zero help and with health problems so it’s NOT easy). Well, assuming that is the best viable plan. Of which it could all be so wrong and backfire.

I have all sorts of shit going on in my head making me depressed af and I can’t shut it off.

I can’t get back the old me- the me that was strong and courageous, fearless. […]

I feel like a misfit among misfits. There isn’t any “group” I belong to.

Even among depression groups (not here, on other sites), everyone is always “look on the bright side,” “you just need to think positive and life will magically get better!” blah blah. Depression is a HUGE umbrella. Many different kinds of people are afflicted with depression, and in varying degrees. Some are a little depressed, or situationally depressed (ie school, girl issues, etc), but then there’s others like me who are suicidal and hopeless about life.

This site certainly helps from time to time as some […]

Welp, nevermind.

I hate that you have to drink a whole bunch of it for it to work. I probably only have one attempt left in the bottle.

Saw this one b!tch in a bonnet and had to be like “camels and Chihuahua, chihuahua on mug, camels and chihuahua”

(Looked like that Holocaust lady from the Whoopi Goldberg reaction)

She was like D:<

so I was just 0_0 “mk here we go”

Imagine my face with a camera crew and her talking me out of it. I’d smirk and lie, definitely. Someone […]

To have it stolen, to steal from others, that I requested help but look at this. It changes the playback each time I replay it. Even in a matter of 1 second. Her dad showed up at my work, and said, nobody cares if you drink poison. I think the message is clear. I should’ve filmed it. It’s like accepting death, because I’m constantly told I’m subhuman. There isn’t a tomorrow. Everyone’s a bunch of copies. And she put that on White Sands. “You’re ugly, Did I?” To stab me for being on here and believing in her? She did that for so long. Just […]

who am i
i dont know
is this real
do i actually exist
why am i here
i dont know
please dont be real

things arent the same
i used to hope and dream of happiness
im dead space
this isnt real
this body means nothing to me

what is happiness anyway
no one matters
it’s just me and this eternal feeling
im going to remove myself forever
im going to do it

this isnt real, so i cant stay
it’s all been a huge disappointment
nothing matters
what i do to myself doesn’t matter
so why don’t i just go

no one really cares
ignore my depression
tell […]

Do you actually want to die, or do you want live a better, happier life, with different circumstances?

The truth is, most people (not all) simply want to escape from their shitty life and not necessarily want to die. I would be happy to live if I could live a happy, peaceful, serene life, free from worries and stresses. But as it is, my life is full of stress and worries and troubles and shit neighbors and lack of good housing, and lack of money, and health issues, and all that crap.

JFC, do you know how MUCH your life is ruined by shitty neighbors? […]

I just don’t know it.

I was in my room and I heard someone shouting on street. He was shouting and abusing. I went out on my balcony and got to know that someone hit my neighbour’s bike in the night and broke its mudguard, accidentally probably. My neighbour was just ranting and abusing the unknown person who did this. I was just watching him. Then he made the disaster of including me in the conversation. He somehow looked at me looking and, probably seeing a companion in me in his misery, said to me, “Look mister, some #@$!% broke the mudguard of my bike. (dekhna […]

that you would undo/redo if you could go back in time?

I can’t take my shit life anymore. I’m trapped in a shitty situation and I can’t get out. I wish someone would rescue me. Ofc that’s a pipe dream. There is no one is that is going to rescue me. I have to do it myself, bc I’m all alone. I have no one. No friends, no family, no SO, no love, nothing. Shit, I’ve lost my self-esteem and drive, so I can’t even help myself anymore.

I’m falling apart. I mean I’ve been broken all this time but it’s just getting worse and worse and it’s […]

After being unable to recover my previous account and even forgetting what it was called, I’m back here after some time. The only difference is I’m in my early 30s now and want to die even more after realizing there is nothing I want to live for. I don’t think I care about my family despite using them as an excuse not to off myself. I don’t want kids since I’m not selfish enough to bring one into what I consider a god-forsaken world. I don’t want money since there is nothing I want to buy beyond indulging a narcissistic whim that I probably don’t […]

If you numbed a psychopath’s whole body, and gave him a bunch of pot, and broke his bones in front of him, what would it look like. Or made him watch his skin burn. Would he just sit there and go :0 like a TikTok or…

You’d have to shoot if he yelled or made threats. What would talking a way out look like? I’m picturing a comedy.

For those <25, you guys are still young. Heck, I’ll even extend it to 30.

But for those who are middle aged or older- how long have you had depression? How long have you had mental or emotional issues? Is there a good likelihood that the depression and issues will get better or go away?

Nah, the older we are, the more our lives are "set" and the harder for things to magically improve, save winning the lottery or some slim chance of a miracle.