I woke up at 5:45 am from a bad dream and couldn’t fall back to sleep I was already exhausted from being up so early the day before and I went to sleep the night at 1:00 am . I ran a fair in Reno NV from 9:00 am till about 3:00 pm we closed up three hours earlier. the past two days I have been on a fair in the freezing temps yesterday snow today it was rain …the fair was packed with people and it was huge . I some how made 80$ today which beat my 35$ from yesterday .once I got […]
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80
So, it turns out im an alcoholic… thats the first time ive uttered those words fully.. i wish i could sya i felt better saying them but what i know ive to do next is rather unappealing. after this weekend im going to stay off the whiskey, and off the beer and off the vodka and cider, not that i touch that swine piss, and off puteen and all that. puteen is any irish alcoholic drink, ranges upwards of 80% and is illegal to brew here, yes im an irish stereotype, a motherfucken drunkard. anyway, heres me enjoying one of my last drinks. i dont […]
My existence is fucking stupid:
The HIGhLIGHT of my life is work. While I spend 80% of my time here, I don’t mind the job, it’s just infuriating that I’m squandering my prime years.
My coworkers practically murder each other to be the first out the door. Not me, I’d rather stay. Menial grinding is better than the home war zone. I usually lie about when I need to be to work. Sometimes I come in early, others I nap in my car.
I’m isolated. I don’t try to make friends anymore. I’m not allowed to go out solo, I don’t want anyone to witness the […]
Is it bad that I’m not sad ? She wants to die and I hope she can soon . She is handicap so she only sits on her bed all day . And the fact that she hid her breast cancer until now shows she wants to die . Of course I would be sad if she died , but she would be in peace . Her husband and all her friends are dead so she doesn’t have much left .
I know she’s annoyed to be in the hospital . I’d rather her be home . But the breast cancer is so bad … […]
Struggling to fight my morbid side, that’s what I call it. Still holding strong or so I hear. I feel like I’m flailing all the time. Barely in control but maybe that’s what I want to think.
Death comes slowly but surely. All I have to do is wait. Till then I’ll give it somewhere between 60 and 80 percent.
Take care all.
Good morning to all my Christmas goers. I woke up today feeling good actually. Its going to be 80 degrees in Virginia beach where I live so much m pretty sure that means a good day is waiting for me . It usually freezing this time of the year . Apparently it hasn’t been this hot since 1895. So great. I’m probably gonna head to the beach and read some of this book and walk the trails . I’m actually feeling like doing something with my self today .
It’s a new week and nothing has changed. Living 20 years or 80 years doesn’t matter, we’ll all die. I love ancient greek and rome. They are highest point humanity has reached. But we live in honorless age. This age full of miserable people who live for miserable things. We are a little dot in Universe but they put meaning to life when there is no meaning at all. I don’t wanna live for nothing.
Soon as i finish my last book, i will lay on train tracks. It is one of the least painful way. I hope my existence will end and i don’t ever […]
I’ve been suffering for a long time now. I spend 80% of the time I’m not at work locked away wishing the days would end and that I would never wake up.
I have a good life. Better than most probably. If I was to write a list of pros and cons the pros column would be at least five times longer.
BUT. It doesn’t seem to matter. Every stress and every pressure I feel so extremely. I struggle to shower and get out of bed of my days off, spending at least two days a week in my room. I cry when a stranger […]
Who needs suicide when the pain can rot away your insides for you?
He he, I’m going to die sooner or later. We all do! Whether it be 80 years from now, or the next time I take the plunge over the quarry’s edge. It’s all fluff.
I rolled up the night on a spool of black silk and never will I return again. He he, J has a carrot in her mouth. My dad’s carrot. My dad’s truck is in her driveway. My mother’s institutionalized.
No more refills without a doctor’s appointment. Ha. But there’s no one to tell that to. Going to be interesting in the […]
I have been stuck here for 15 years. I have parents that are very old fashioned, but lately have been slacking up with my brother (5 years younger than me) and it is pissing me off. He has turned into a sneaky brat. And my parents thing I’M the disrespectful one. No, but the two of us shouldn’t have the same rules. They smother me and I am not allowed to go out. Oh, and I weigh 90llbs and want to weigh 80. So I basically just want me and my boyfriend to move away into the forest with our guns, horses, and no food […]
So, I’m 15 years old and I want to die. I only have one person in my life that genuinely cares about me. He’s the love of my life. My mom and dad are both in jail for possession of drugs. I have only seen my parents once. They were doing cocaine around me when I was only a few weeks old and then they were caught with it. I now live with my grandparents. They treat me decently but I’m probably not going to have them in my life much longer. They’re both in their 80’s. They don’t have the best health condition. After […]
No idea where to turn to anymore..
Everyday feels like I only am left to waste away more. Tired of people telling me “there’s so much to be thankful for” “think of the positives”.. Only how can I be so positive when the nightmares and flashbacks are a movie stuck on repeat. So vivid so clear.. The anger rushes over me and I quickly return to the blade . The one thing I know will never judge me. The one thing I know will never leave me or betray me. Suddenly feeling ashamed. Who am I?.. Where has all this gone. Why did I die the […]
For me, the 80’s had a scent. Kinda like the plastic flower section of an old Walmart, the Walmart’s that closed at night time (usually 10pm).
I’ve been watching the television program “The Golden Girls” a lot lately and I swear I can smell that plastic flower smell while I’m watching!!!
…..the yarn at the old Walmart’s had a smell to!!!!
Ohhh And “ALF”, man I loved ALF!!!
It’s a shame television can’t be good again!!!!
Erm, just one more thing. I have yet to figure out how Dark Horse Brewing (The new program on the History Channel that has nothing to do with […]
Does anyone have experience with it? My nurse practioner says she’s seen an 80% cure rate in her clients.
Cure? For this? It sounds too good to be true.
I keep waking up. I woke up in a pool of blood that one night, a month ago. I woke up. 80 ounces of the hardest alcohol I can afford, twenty cuts later, and I still wake up. I’ve overdosed so many times, on pills and booze it’s like my tolerance is way too high now. I wake up every time. Even as a kid, I’d try at least once a week. I’d wake up every time. A whole bottle gone, and I would still just wake up.
I’m scared, because every time I try to finally die, it just does not happen. I’m scared because when I get these last […]