It’s been over 3 weeks since I last hurt myself. Last night, I felt so shitty all I wanted to do was pick up my scalpel blades and slash away at my thighs. I thought I should read a few stories about other people who self-harm. I really want to stop, but I just can’t.
I sat in my bed with the blade in my hand. The stories I had read started playing out in my head. I felt the shit I think I’m in is nothing compared to what other people are going through. But I still wanted to cut.
Usually, cutting makes me […]
Tag:
alive
There may come times when we are lost
It will make us want to break free at any cost
There may comes times when life is sad
It makes everything look and feel bad
But even in all this pain and chaos
There is still some hope in all of us
It gives us the will and strength to live
Even when we feel life has nothing to give
We feel fear, we feel pain
It can make us go insane
It can make us do things we think that might be right
Endless tormenting us with nightmares at night
We feel all is […]
and i m not even supposed to be alive…why am i though? probably just so that i can end it…
Despite nearly trying to end my own life again last week (without even posting on here, I might add, my head was a little too swimmy to form sentences) I feel strangely alive today.
Maybe it’s just because I finally mustered up the willpower to wash my hair for the first time in two weeks, because I am a disgusting human being. I just found it difficult to do much, so I didn’t wash my hair. But I did it today, and I feel strangely good. More like a person now, rather than something that lay there doing nothing.
Maybe it’s just because I’m not […]
I’m alive again, so damned alive I’m crying. It’s so funny how I laughed when I felt my worst, and now I’m crying. When she’s talking to me again. She doesn’t hate me. She’s okay with talking to me. I can fix everything I ever did. I’m not alone anymore. This is incoherent, and maybe it should be. I’m high on life and happiness right now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank God for Sammi, without her I never could have done this. Thank You, Hazy. Thank You, Rocketman. Thank You, Trix. Thank You, SeeSmith. Thank you all for being […]
I’m 18, and I recently moved out of my parents house. I have three jobs, and I go to college, but I feel like I’m really bad at it. I feel manic, depressed, or anxious at all times, nothing seems real, I’m irritable as all hell, and I get high almost every day now just to get through all the self hate, guilt, and crazy thoughts running through my head at light speed. I don’t even want to die because of a situation I’m in or a person or anything, I just feel like I’m so bad at being alive and my mental illness is […]
I always feel like I think a lot differently than most people. I always think philosophically about everything I do . It drives me crazy.
I really think that is one reason why I’m depressed. I’m always wanting to find a reason that humans are alive. I’m a nihilistic person I’m not religious or anything, but I think I need something like that in my life.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m living, but I’m not alive. Human biology prevents me from holding my breath for too long and survival instincts prohibit the drugs from shutting down my body. The overdose quantity of acetaminophen, Dramamine, and caffeine do not stand a chance against thousands of years of perseverance; and all of that history and perseverance is embedded in DNA, thriving in me and laying dormant. I’m killing it, because I can’t be a part of that humanity. I never belonged with them. I never belonged anywhere. I’m living, but I’m not enjoying life.
I’ve only accidentally made it to the next day. If fate and life were […]
“You need to find a reason to stay alive”
A simple and annoying sentence that people used each time I come to them to explain about how I’m having suicidal thoughts. It’s easier said than done. While I hate it so much because they kept on replaying it like some kind of broken radio, I do realize it’s because they can’t really do anything about it. About me. I tried and be open about my situation to my most trusted friend. We argue a little about how she didn’t reach me and try to help. But in her defense, there’s nothing to help when I can’t […]
theres always pain, sometimes it goes away but only for an hour or so. it hurts too much to be alive. I hate that I have to wait a week or two before I end it. my friends birthday is coming up and it would just be cruel to ruin it, so here I am wasting away.
i dont want to hurt anyone , or remaind you of what you want to forget ..
some of us had been raped , and other had been used and saled ,others had a bad parents , or bad social live , or had been failure .. we all have something that is pushing us to the edge .. but we won’t fall
we might think that we have the worst life ever . but we forget to think about other people .. while we are here sitting infront of our laptops or mobile phones in our worm rooms ,, have the ability to eat […]
I know some people have been wondering what happened to SoonToBeDead. This is just to let you know that his account was deleted and he’s still alive. X
Even though I’m not suicidal (actively seeking a way out or planning anything) I’d be more than happy to choose a peaceful exit from this world. I don’t get our societies sick and twisted obsession with forcing everyone to stay alive against there will. I was put in a psyche ward over a month ago, and yes it did “help”, but it was only temporary. They get payed to force me to live, my family wants to keep me alive for there own selfish purposes. Like I said many times, I didn’t choose to be born nor have I chose the cards I was dealt […]
We wake up each morning- alive. We live, struggle, suffer, fall in love (if we’re lucky), have a bit of fun, suffer a bit more and then die. What’s the point of it all? What’s the point of going through all of this, actually putting in the effort to do all of this when in the end you will die? Why not just kill yourself now? Yes, life might actually get better, but what difference does it make when in the end everything will be taken away from you ? And what happens if life happens to get worse? You stay alive and suffer even […]
idk why nothing gets better
it doesn’t
i feel so much pain in being alive so alone such a struggle so hard now every day it’s like trying to breathe can’t breathe literally sometimes
the list of bad things is too long, the past always knocking me in the eye
i know im going to die soon b/c i cant bear sexual abuse and it’s horrors all alone anymore the fb’s the depression the noise terrorism the paranoia the past running into people i dont want to see the stigma
and at this point im really looking forward to it
it would be nice if there had been god at all […]
is to watch a loved one slip away inching closer to death. Sunday night I watched as someone I loved struggled to breath due to respiratory issues. I watched their eyes roll back and their body stiffen and their lips pale from lack of oxygen. I jumped up the first second I noticed it and immediately called 911. I then carried them and placed them on the floor and did CPR trying with all my might to save them from death. I put an oxygen mask on their face and continued CPR until the paramedics arrived. They are alive but in critical condition and I […]
Hello sp peeps.
I found this site a billion years ago. I wonder who of the old regulars are still alive and kicking? I see I must’ve deleted all my old posts except 3.
I am back here now, at this moment because something came over me tonight. (jesus mind the phrasing pls)
Hang in there and you can fucking beat this!!!
Ps. I kinda sorta got married this year <3
Last post on here before this one was somewhere mid September 2013.
Keep it real folks, don’t do stupid shit and know – there’s ALWAYS someone listening even if it is someone that you’ve never met or seen before, believe […]
I’m axious about life in general. Not in a bad way so much as, I never in a million years thought I would live this long! I grew up thinking I’d be dead by 20. I had a kid that I gave up in a private adoption at that point. Tomorrow is her 17th burthday. One more year and it’s legal to have contact, that is, if we find each other. I never thought I’d be alive when she turns 18. Which means I have to survive another year. I can’t believe I’m still alive on this day to see her 17th birthday arrive. She […]