it always ends with me hurting myself I have gone weeks with out cutting myself but it always comes back I hate myself I try to do good things for myself go to college classes and work I can’t pretend to be happy I can’t find anything to smile about I love whiskey try to drink a bottle a day i love drugs do them a lot anything to numb myself to forget about my shitty life and escape it for a short while my life is revolved around getting trashed and slashing my body up I get so down and depressed I don’t want […]
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always
I will buy you this book, I don’t have a discount, there is nothing in it for me other than the interesting perspective I think it might offer you.
Its called “This is How” by Augusten Burroughs. The description is:
If you’re fat and fail every diet, if you’re thin but can’t get thin enough, if you lose your job, if your child dies, if you are diagnosed with cancer, if you always end up with exactly the wrong kind of person, if you always end up alone, if you can’t get over the past, if your parents are insane and ruining your life, if you really […]
Just when you think things are looking up and getting better, life finds a way to deepen the pain. Am I being tested? Is this some cruel joke? I’m getting exhausted fighting on each day to avoid hurting my parents and friends. I like to imagine they’re just pretending to care to make it easier for me to go, but I know it isn’t true. I started praying to God again for help, something I haven’t done in 3 years. Things have only gotten worse since then. Maybe I just want to believe that I’m not in control of my own destiny, because me in […]
I don’t know where to start. How do i describe what I’m feeling? Ive never been good at expressing my pain. So I’m just going straight into the middle. Its been two weeks and three days. Two weeks and three days from when i last hanged out with my best friend. We were in the mall eating and having fun while she was with her crush who liked her back. It was such an amazing day and i went home feeling so so happy. The next day I had school and halfway through, thats when i heard the news… She died. BRAIN. DEAD. on the […]
This is a fairly long rant so I apologize ahead of time.
I read up on something called emotional abuse today. Apparently I myself am being abused. To put things into context I’m in 9th grade and I live with my father. I had thought abuse was when a parent raped you or beat you up everyday. Multiple sources said it isn’t always physical. My father’s been abusive for as long as i can remember; the earliest dating back to when I was maybe two and he nearly pushed me down a flight of stairs. I always thought his temper was normal, that this was just […]
I’ve always felt like a failure. Never good enough. I feel so empty inside. My mother always saw me as weak and my father, well I don’t know. I always wanted to make my family proud. I was raised to do better than my parents, but I’m not enough, just a failure….i have 3 beautiful daughters and it hurts my heart that I am even considering taking my life….it’s selfish, they need me and I need them, but I am not enough. People have hurt me, abused me, and have broken me..there is nothing left. All I ever wanted was to be loved, but as […]
I’ve been through it. The teasing, the yelling, the isolation, the masks, the chronic depression, the eating disorder, the self harm,the diagnosis, the therapy, the suicide attempts. I’ve been through it all and I made it to a point where I was happy with myself, with my surroundings. But there are always the bad days that confuse me. Where I can’t figure out if it’s just a bad day or if its a relapse. Recently I’ve been hounded with stress from school, from family, from friends, from myself. I feel so overwhelmed and I feel myself breaking all over again. I want the stress to […]
I doubt that anyone I know in real life will ever think to look on this forum to find my posts. But if they do, I want them to know that I forgive them.
Mom and dad, you weren’t always right, but it wasn’t for a lack a of effort. You tried your best for me for almost 42 years. I appreciate it all. Thank you.
Brother, we didn’t always see eye to eye. We had disagreements, but I remember the good times we had. Take good care of your kids and yourself.
Sister, we were best friends growing up. You are still special to me. Thanks for […]
Ever since I was little I lived my life in fear that something bad was going to happen to me, and I wish I had never been my life.
When I was 8 my parents got divorced. I remember the family meeting my mom and dad had with my little brother and I. My mom decided one day that this life wasn’t good enough for her anymore, so she picked me and my brother up, gave us a tooth brush and shipped us off to our aunts house. Ever since then my aunts house is the place I’ve always gone. She’s given me some sort of […]
At night time when I’m laying awake in bed I hear voices, I know they’re in my head but they aren’t like normal thoughts; they sound real and alive like someone’s speaking to me. It makes me confused thinking about it because they’re always right but they’re never things I’d personally say to myself or even think in my head. Most of the time they’re negative things, comments on my personality or how I look and act. Other times it’s like they’re trying to make me think that someone’s done something horrible or that I should do something horrible.
I guess I’m just overly confused about […]
How tragic can be life
Thinking and talking about suicide
Just in the edge of our sad eyes
A tear is falling down, tired of the frustrated tries
And how broke can be our aim
Living depressed of saving fates
Just one cut can be enough
To end this hell and delete this chains.
But we’re not the falling angels
And we don’t need to go to heaven
As we collapse we can stand up
And keep fighting for the crashing of a few cups.
Wanting a rainbow without a storm
Wanting feel full without crying alone
You can’t say the true before to say […]
Hi, everyone.
The past couple months for me have been the same as before: sad. Then I realized something today, I can actually change my life, like maybe I’ve actually just missed this big solution to all my problems and now, I can finally be happy, or something.
Generally, people think I’m ‘chill’, and I guess I am, on the outside that is. On the inside, I have great turmoil. You see, I’m a very pessimistic person. Small offhand comments can stay with me for weeks, months, or even years. I’m always told to start ‘thinking positive’, and I’ve tried but it never works, or maybe it’s […]
I was offered a new job today that was by all means a great opportunity. I felt so hollow accepting cause it meant I’d be alone there, when I’m alone every other way.
My on/off partner is interstate, I moved away from him after he kicked me out. It’s been 2 years he has promised me he would move here with me, but always seems 6 months more away. I left my family and friends due to this and yet when I visit them I don’t feel anything.
The bulk of my day when I don’t work I fantasise about my own death. I even walk alone […]
I remember that old song “it’s my party and I will cry if I want to.”
I kinda feel like that today. As my time comes to an end, I find myself doing a lot of things for the last time. It has a bittersweet quality to it.
My life before her was neither happy nor unhappy. I was just rolling along, existing the best could at any given point in time. Some ups, some downs, but mostly even keel.
Then she came to me and everything changed. Both for good and bad. But mostly good. I got to experience love and family. The two most important things […]
31 make lots of money, try to be a good person yet it seems like I have a tendency to ruin every relationship now this time it was my marriage divorce is almost final. No one I meet ever understands what it’s like to feel this way I’m just fucking unhappy all the time unless I drink so much I “feel” fine until it wears off.
Therapy , psychs, meds none of it changes anything I want out…….
But then take into consideration my family how will they feel? Even my soon to be ex wife…….
Am I selfish for giving up? My whole life I’ve tried […]
i always thought this was an interesting aspect what did everyone do on what they thought was going to be there last day on earth ?
i got up early, went to school, hung out with all my friends, came home,ate my favourite take away, cleaned my room, showered, wrote a note, took a handful of pills and went to sleep. unfortunately it obviously didnt work and i woke up in the middle of the night in severe pain regretting what i had done
Seriously, I wrote this as a kid, don’t judge it too harshly, hopefully it’ll distract you guys from your worries for a bit.
You know how it is, when there’s someone who wants to be your friend but you don’t want to be theirs, and you can’t ever tell them you don’t like them because it would hurt their feelings. So every time you see them you say hi and talk but you never really hang out with them one on one. They might suggest it, but you always have some excuse, you hang out with them in a group if at all.
Michael was like that […]
It’s just… quite tasty.
I might be a little older than others using this page. I’m 36 married and 3 kids…One of them is 3 years old. But these thoughts always come into my mind that my family would be better off without me. The weight of it. I’ve struggled with these thoughts for years. My wife can find someone bettet
My parents weren’t perfect by any means. They made their fair share of mistakes raising me. But their intent was always good. They tried their best to help me all the way to the end.
I know that when I’m gone it will devastate them. They have been living in fear of this for the last several months. It hasn’t been easy for them. I regret putting them through this pain. But it wasn’t my choice.
My brother and sister live far away so I don’t see them very often anymore. They will be hurt, too, and so will their kids. No more uncle for them. I […]