Last night I tried to finish off my life. I’ve always thought about it and the other day I finally made a plan. I left my place and started walking. I began cutting pretty much right away and as I turned down a dark alley is when I took the first Vicodin. I felt it and didn’t like the feeling. I continued walking and cutting and I just started panicking . I finally broke and called my friend. She was going to let me go and I wasn’t going to let that happen. I managed to drag myself back to meet up with them. They […]
Tag:
always
I’m a teenage drop out, nobody cares about me. I feel horrible and trapped and I’ve been here before, it gets better for awhile, but will always get worse. I’m sick of it, I just rather not exist.
My seasonal job will open soon, I’ll get my money for my method, and I will be good to go.
Does anyone else always have th. Opposite effect to medication?
Mood stabilizer- makes me completely unstable
Anti depressant – suicidal or homicidle
Anti psychoti- homicidle, extreme paranoia
Anti anxiety. Your having panic attack all the time a pencial drops and you will start fuckin freaking out. And just on edge and agitate.
Tranquilizer- speed up my heart i get super excited and happy skip every where or really pissed of and have so much adrenalin and i become the hulk.
Sleep-just don’t work. Orvif they do your dose just goes up every week and then you got to switch cause yiu can’t go higher.
I don’t know wtf to call add or […]
I’ve always had a gut feeling of dying young. I’ve had a reoccurring dream since I was 4 of it.
I’m chronically ill. I’m a sophomore in high school, though I’m home schooled. No one cared when I left. No texts, or are you okays. I’m stuck here alone, sometimes with him. My mom hates me for the bills and because her boyfriend doesn’t like me.
I want to die.. I want to die pretty and happy, in my best dress and my makeup done. I want to die… but the only one I love will hate me for making him go to my funeral..
…. Funny when […]
I don’t think it’s right to pray for anything you wouldn’t be willing to do yourself. So if you’re not willing to kill yourself, it’s probably not right to pray for death.
That said, I don’t always do what’s right. Sorry, God.
I am a seventeen year old in my third year of high school. I go to a therapeutic high school, but my attendance is pretty erratic due to my depression, anxiety, mood disorder NOS, insomnia, and sensory issues. I fit the tortured poet cliche. I am recognized for my poetry regionally, which I cherish because it seems to be my only accomplishment in life. I am quite useless in every other endeavor (though I do have a talent for making up decent drinking songs).
I have been struggling with mental illness since the age of ten, though I was only diagnosed when I was twelve. Since […]
Everyone is asleep. The kids. The gf. The city.
its only me that is lurking in the shadows. where im supposed to be. I feel sorry for those who have to look at me at all. I wish them everything else in the world.
Im hidius. Discusting. Retarded. Ugly. Filthy. Bad. Worse. Whore! Fat. Weak. Stink. Mong. Abnormous. Garbage. Trash. Lazy. Sick.
Everyone hates me. And i know why. Thats nothing to hide. I know the exact reasons why.
Im trying my best here! I really do. But nothing seems to be working. I keep doing the same mistakes over and over again. No matter how hard i try, […]
I have been cutting for 13 years.
I want to die i have a date
I feel like he woyld be better off if i wasnt in his life. I raise him on my own. I have no help. I cant pick myself up anymore. I dont want him around me because i hate that im always fucking misreable and dont want him picking up on it. Nothing makes me happy im always putting on that fake fucking smile for everything abd everyone. I love my little one so much he is my world that is why i put on that fake smile everyday but i feel […]
im tired of being tired im exhausted at this point il never be perfect or beautiful il always feel like an inconvenience and i no im stronger than this but right now i dont have the energy to fight this dark negativity
I feel like I’m too young to have these thoughts. I feel like I’m too lucky to think with this much feeling. To tell you the truth, I really don’t know anymore. I’m fourteen years old, I go to one of the top schools of the US (Oxford Academy of Cypress, CA), and I am having suicidal thoughts. This may seem like a optimal life, but sadly, it isn’t. Every day, every period, I don’t talk to people. Every lunch break, I sit in one of the bathroom stalls (Jesus, I’m pathetic). My parents are always deeply saddened by me, always declaring I’m a nuisance […]
No matter how many people try to argue the contrary, our society and culture thrives on superficiality, the idea that how we look quantifies our objective worth is the most widespread knowledge propagated and perpetuated. I was born with intrinsic ugliness, not quite deformed but my facial features are distinctly warped and exaggerated to the point of being undesirable and to be honest, quite repulsive. Naturally people are drawn to beauty – don’t even try to deny it. People are primarily drawn to celebrities because of their conventional aesthetic superiority to most people, if they have a good personality it is amplified and glorified, giving […]
I have ‘friends’ who always trying to bring me down. I know they’re a lot smarter than me but they always act like i’m the dumbest. They never compliment over success that i did. They never want any idea from me when we do a group project. I dont know why they’re doing this to me. All I know it starts when they know my first sem result( didnt turn out good). And I’m starting to blame myself – why i’m just stupid. I never want this to happen. Now they barely talk to me. well fuck you bitches
Silence is the keystone in my life. It is the builder, the modifier, and the end result. It is the constant. It is a bit like Zero. Anything multiplied by It becomes It. It is undefined in division. It is the representation of Nothing, but It has more meaning than almost any other thing.
Everything returns to Silence. How can Nothing be so prevalent? How can Nothing be so important? Humanity chases the Silence of past generations and declares It history. Humanity chases the secrets hidden in the Silence of space. We always end up in Silence, one way or another. Perhaps It is the proper […]
so ever since i was young i always remember my dad hitting my mom for… well? i guess cheating and i always saw him hit her, i would hear her screaming and crying then after that he would yell at me and my sister for dumb shit. he used to hit us badly with a thick leather belt that would leave marks on our legs and back sometimes buries.i was always scared to call the cops and the fear of my siblings being taken awake and separated into different foster families. it kept going for many years. i always loved my mom and felt sorry […]
I just..I don’t quite know. I just need to write down my thoughts..Pointless thoughts, that will most likely be over-looked as my life mostly is.
I should probably start from the beginning. When it all began. When I first sank into depression.
5 Years ago, I used to have a friend named Jessica. We hung out all the time.. She was my best friend, we grew up together. One day she sends me this text..and I knew something was wrong. This damn text is engraved into my mind. “I’m sorry, for everything, Thank you so much for being my friend. I’ll see you soon…but not too soon. […]
It was February 20, 2014. Everything was all setup, rope (was seemingly) tight. The chair. The knots were okay. Put the noose over my head… tightened it. Kicking that chair was the hardest thing that I had to do. The feeling was so liberating, I was finally going to be free… one less person for the world to think of. I remember struggling at first, trying to pull myself up, trying to breathe but can’t. It’s not a bright light like they say… it was all just pitch black and quiet. I was at peace in that darkness, I wanted to stay there forever. I […]
My life has always been so messed up it’s not even funny anymore. Put it this way: I’m bisexual, communist, and my parents are Soviets. My social life completely collapsed a week ago, and it seems like everyone hates me now.
so long to all my friends everyone of them met tragic ends with every passing day i be lying if i didn’t say that i miss all to night and if they only knew what i would would say if i could be with you tonight i would sing you to sleep never let them take the light behind your eyes one day ill lose this fight as i fade in the dark just remember you will always burn as bright be strong and hold my hand time becomes us, you’ll understand we’ll say goodbye today and sorry how it ends this way if you […]
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
I really don’t feel right posting to something like this. I’ve been in a mood like this many times before, and it’s always completely unsolicited. I have no reason to be depressed – it just happens. I’ve considered reaching out for help or something like that but every time I search up something like this, I see all these stories about people who have serious issues in their lives – child abuse and horrible things like that. I don’t have anything like that at all. The only “circumstantial” reason for my depression is loneliness, which is completely caused by myself. I think I’ve recently gotten to […]