I’m lost, confused; angry at myself, yet I portray my anger at others to hide my insecurities. I am a sadist, I hate it. I hate it so much, yet I can’t help it. I want to stop hurting, but I cannot control myself. I made my mother cry today. I blamed her for what I am, I blamed her for who she is. She always let’s me do whatever I want. She never says no. Nor does she ever try to stop me. Does she care? I push limits, boundaries, nothing I do phases her. I wipe my feet all over this woman and […]
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always
Along with the overwhelming fear of failing an attempt (again), I have always been afraid of succeeding and finding some place worse than life on this Earth. Do people who commit suicide go to some type of “Hell”? Is there a Hell? Is there an afterlife? Will I be welcome to it if I force myself into it? Or is death like a dreamless sleep from which one never awakes? This notion terrifies me but is comforting at the same time. There may be nothing there at all which includes no depression, no anxiety, no more fear of death, no more hardships from life; there may just […]
I have been struggling with depression and had 1 fail attempt of committing suicide the only reason why I am still here posting my story of my dog. I was always lonely and was extremely anti-social but having a creature not human comfort you is truly amazing. It’s been 2 month since the suicide attempt and still struggling to get trough a single day of school and living at home in a family that doesn’t understand you. Thank you for reading.
just tried partial suspension again, but even that i could not go on. it just felt weird and it always seems like i’m dreaming, then i’m hyperventilating and shaking a lot and kind of wake up, hoping that it was all just a bad, horrible dream, only to realize it is not.
not sure if im doing it properly, tho.
Bereavement is never a happy thing, unless you really hate the person, even then though I won’t be happy. But one tends to accept bereavement if the person concerned is an aged or maybe an ailing one, probably not too close, just as a part of life. But if the person concerned is someone you just loved to be with and always looked up to in so many ways, somebody who had always given you bundles of joy and happiness, even while suffering himself, somebody who have touched the deepest core of your heart, then all the world just breaks apart!
It is not that I’ve […]
Thinking about the past is one of the worst things one can do, once you are alone you start thinking about every problem and struggle you have gone through. Thinking about a situation you want to completely forget about but it will always be there no matter how much time goes by.
And it hurts, it hurts so much.
Because no one ever thinks that that situation was going to ever happen but it did and there is nothing one can really do about it.
At some point in life, you have to take a deep breath and think twice. You have to put aside all the things that made you cry, and look at the brighter things in life. Like going home to love and support, instead of going hold to a homeless shelter because you’re poor. But always be thankful for the life that you’re livin, because you could’ve been just another abortion. Sometimes we don’t see a reason for livin’, because we are raped, abused, and mistreated. So we cut, do drugs, and become suicidal , for some of us the voices in our head can make […]
To my beloved family and friends. I am sorry I have to do this, I hate myself for being so selfish. Please don’t miss me, don’t hurt. I made a decision, I can’t live in this cruel world anymore. You where all so great to me. This isn’t your fault, it’s mine. I’m weak, I can’t handle this. Please forgive me, or I will not be able to forgive my self. I will live on through you, in your hearts.
I’ve been cutting for a while now. I told no one, because I felt my reasons Where not good enough. I hate myself, I hate […]
I thought I’d put my suicide note here. I don’t really wanna leave a note for anyone I know but I know I wanna leave some sort of note. Being a completely new member here allows me the chance to say anything without prejudice.
Ive suffered with mental illness all my life. One of my 1st ever memories is of a childish and feeble suicide attempt. I can’t have been more than 5. I’m the youngest of 6 brothers and I have the greatest mum in the world. Although my childhood was outwardly great I always knew something was wrong. I was a gifted child both […]
Fuck I hate my birthday! Everything shitty always happens on my birthday. This time I have officially been told to get out. By my so called best friend. I really have noone & nothing left in this world.
I will not be able to find nor afford accommodation & if I manage to find somewhere, the same thing will happen all over again.
Looks like I’ll be bringing my plans forward to my birthday, end of this month.
I don’t want to die, but I’ve got nothing to live for.
Happiness. A word. I feel it at times, I feel a lack of it at others. I’m not always sure which one defines the word. I have been feeling as though happiness is making me feel empty lately. Maybe this isn’t happiness then. But why do I long for the hopelessness I fought so hard to escape from? Perhaps I never truly escaped. Perhaps this is just a masquerade of emotions to trick myself into living to fight another day.
Do I know who I am? Does anyone? Am I anyone? These are real questions for me. I have four distinct versions of myself. Family, girlfriend, […]
This is just one part of my life that is causing me pain. I used to describe my self as kind, sweet, and caring. Now I describe myself as a slut and a liar. I just turned 19 and I lost my virginity two months ago. That wouldn’t be so bad except that I’ve already slept with three guys in those two months. I usually don’t have sex sober, way too insecure about my scars. Now onto the liar part. My relationship with the second guy, lets call him Jeff, is friends with benefits but we both said that we wouldn’t sleep with other people. […]
I was laid off of a job four months ago. Since then, I’ve been very sick, I’ve failed several interviews, and have started to take full time accounting classes. I have a fiance of seven years who says what I believe are the worst things you can say to a human. He has told me to kill myself, he has called me worthless so many times, as well as anything else you can think to call someone. He tells me things like, “you’re so worthless to me”, “Oh great, I’m turning into you. I’m just going to be a miserable, worthless manic depressant”, “I used […]
My name is not important.
My story begins at a young age. I have always hated myself. At first, it was the little things. I hated my boring brown hair and yearned to be the beautiful blonde or the vivacious red head. I wished I could be shorter, I despised being a sky scraper among my peers. I wished my legs weren’t so hairy, I wished my hair wouldn’t curl at the ends. But these were minor things. I spent my time as an only child traipsing through the halls of my home while my neglectful parents tended to other things, more important than I. And […]
I am only 5’5″ tall, which is really short for an 18 yrs old male like me. Almost everyone, including girls that I would like to date are much taller than me. I am always ashamed when I am around people. People never take me seriously and I have been bullied and insulted because of my height many times. It amazes me to see that how many people are complete jackasses who judge people by their appearances. It is as if it is taught to them that short people aren’t people, they have no feelings, you can insult and bully them to for sick plesure […]
So I honestly believe I probably won’t graduate high school this year. I’ve always had a hard time with school. I just believe even if I manage to pull it off I don’t have a future. There are other reasons why I want to off myself, but this is one of the biggest reasons. I lack motivation, I always have, and I probably always will.
Today, was really down, more then usual, so I had taken a pain pill. And I was thinking during the last period of the day that I was going to home and overdose on pain pills. My friend had asked me why I was so quiet, so I told her, and she told me a lot of people would miss me. I told her I didn’t believe her, she told me to go ask my Mentor, Ms. M if she would miss me. So I did. She told me she would be sad and mad. And that she would miss me. She gave me a […]
I guess I don’t really know why I don’t have any friends, because I’ve told myself the same thing over and over again so that I believe that, instead of what’s probably true. I never tried to figure it out because it would be pointless, as I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I started posting here simply so that I could finally say what I needed to. I’ve always told myself I don’t want friends. I do. It hurts to admit it, but I do. I used to have friends, but for the past few months, I just stopped. I didn’t want my problems […]
I wish this world was the same world it used to be. Back then, everybody was allowed to be happy, now, I rarely see anyone truly happy.
I am one of the people that are not truly happy. I don’t even pretend to be happy anymore. I go through my days in a haze of sorrow. People always ask me what’s wrong, pretending that they care. I always lie and say I’m just tired. My boyfriend doesn’t really know about anything that goes on with me.
My family deeply hates me, because I am different from the rest of the kids. I have one real friend, and she doesn’t […]
I have been feeling down lately and bottling things a lot. I did something I’ve never done before. I took a sheet of paper and wrote down the title “REASONS WHY YOU SUCK”. Unexpectedly I wrote it very quickly, listing it all in points.
Then I cried.
And calmed down after a few minutes. Then, I looked at the list I wrote. I started writing again beside the points– this time, arguing against it. This is the result.
REASONS WHY YOU SUCK
1. You fail at everything. (you scored A* in your Alevels, got scholarship to China, won best speaker award in CIMA, scored 100 in […]