I just realized that I hate myself that I can not forgive myself. That’s not the worst part the worst is that I don’t let myself live life I cage myself up because I am a coward. I am afraid of getting hurt so afraid that I probably ruined a possible new relationship whether it was as friends or as lovers. I push people away I push myself away because I don’t trust anyone around me I don’t even trust myself. Because people have always hurt me and I have always let myself get hurt. It’s so unfair how I can easily love and forgive […]
Tag:
always
As the title says, I have set the date. I am so very very tired.
I have moved with my friend & her kids into her boyfriend’s house & its not a picnic. I basically live in the garage since its a 3 bed house & her 2 kids have finally got their own room.
I keep saying ‘it’s a roof over my head’ & ‘I could be on the street’. But I think I might prefer anywhere else but here.
He wakes up at 5am to go to work, so everyone is awake, including me who gets woken by the garage door. Mind you, I have a […]
When I wake up, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m at school, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m home, I feel darkness surrounding me
When I’m out with people, I feel darkness surrounding me
At my happiest moments, darkness posses me
Everywhere I go this burden will always be with me til my final day
The darkness doesn’t let the sun rise
Day after day, all I see is pain, misery, sadness, and negativity
I’ve attended church my whole life. My entire family, including extended family, is Christian. I was always the strange one. I was obsessed with dark things, such as demons, ghosts, and horror movies. I was also extremely sexual as a kid. I’m not proud of it at all. If anything, I hate myself for it. I don’t know why I was like that either. The only reason I’ve ever been able to think of is the vague memory I have of being in some bathroom with someone telling me I couldn’t tell anyone. But anyways, I’ve just never been fully devoted to God. Lately, those […]
Long one:
I have a big family, but my dad’s never been around so it’s always just been me and mum. Therefore, apart from my grandfather she has always been the one that I confide in. Bare in mind I am not the type of person that feels comfortable confiding in others and I tend to keep it all bottled up, occasionally taking things out on a sheet of A4 with black ink.
Whenever I do tell her things, I always make her promise not to tell anybody at least twice before I let it go because I know she’ll just spill it all to the […]
Even that you never stayed away from me, there was always the fear that you commit fraud to my love. And now I realize that my heart deserves an explanation. I do not regret doubting, questioning your loyalty and even the way you look. And now the bitter future is me, I’ll be always there; cause well, I do not want to miss you.
Ive been wanting to kill myself for quite some time now and every time I want to and I’m about too i always ***** out. I feel nothing but depression in my life, My father doesn’t care about me, I get bullied for being overweight, and I really wanna end it. I just wish their was SOME way to get the courage to just cut my wrist and end up.
We are dying everyday;
Some of us wake up just to do the same routine, some of us try to change it up a bit, and some of us don’t wake up. I get frustrated when I go to do something and then I find it to be futile just because I think about it to hard and realize, what does it matter? I’m going to die anyway; be that in the next five years or the next five minutes. People always go on to say, “Oh life isnt fair,” but it is, what isn’t fair is that we think life owes us something. “Life is […]
Well, its been a while. A long time since I’ve been viewing the stories here, an even longer time since I bothered to write; truth being I’ve haven’t been able to write (the one think I was once able to do well, now diminished). I guess you find that time of night on that particular day when you feel its about time you came back to just have a look, see how terrible it is that there are some many more people feeling that suicidal depressed way.
I’ve started intense studying. How fantastic (it isn’t). I never knew I tired like this. I’ve always been tired, […]
“Final”
Though; even you, cannot fathom my eternal
Why we were connected, I suppose we both already know
But now; this time, I became the chained child
That is all I will ever be, please
Just let me cry
The collapse is now, time was our only best enemy of all
Divine intervention, my final, you are it
Take me to go fly at lighting sent, into a butterfly
There is only you in the entire world left
Anymore does nothing matter
And I cried while the first two stanzas
No longer a man from ever now, but only a true beast
Like Yuna and Kimahri, can you walk with me to the light
I will always walk, we met our fated-ultimate
And indeed, the earth trembles […]
I can’t take this depression anymore and I’m trying to stay positive but it’s so hard and I’m always surround by people that love me but yet I feel so alone. I’ve been depressed for 5 years and it has gotten better through the years but this week it has gotten so much worse that I can’t take it anymore. I know I will be hurting a lot of people but they get better during time cause time heals everything. And i’m sorry I can’t be strong enough.
I’ve always known I like girls. But I always thought I liked guys too. I’ve had boyfriends but….. I have never had that butterflies, stomach in knots feeling around a guy that some girls talk about. I’ll say I love them but it’s more like a friend kinda love. To me at least. My family is a bible thumping kind of family. My Mum would hate me if I told her my suspicions. I’ve always labeled myself as bisexual. My family doesn’t know that though. Most of the time because of this I think I’ll never be loved. The town I live in is small, […]
If anyone at all needs someone to talk to, no matter what, you can email me misbahq93@gmail.com I won’t judge you or lie to you and I’ll always respond. Promise.
My pain.
Staying up all night wondering why your even alive.. Asking your self is it even worth being here ? Looking up to the moon and the stars while your tears are falling down your face. Looking down at your wrist and seeing all your scars. You close your eyes and reminiscing when you where that happy lil girl full of joy and faith. You open your eyes and your back to reality , where you hate everything about your self. You get out of your room and take a glance at your family apologizing to them in your mind for all the pain you’ve […]
I can’t seem to do it. I have adhd. I get jobs and I try hard and in the end it’s always the same. I’m not going to kill myself because I know how it would screw up my kids, but I really want to die. I thought this time would be different. I got an ADHD coach, and I worked harder than I ever have to keep everything together. I loved my work. I kept a positive attitude.
i feel so hopeless. I’m so tired of feeling defeated. What’s it like to be good at something? Yes I want to kill myself. I just can’t.
lots […]
It all started when I was in 7th grade. I was a fat harmless lol girl who always minded her own business. Then all of a sudden everyone started calling me really hurtful names like trash , fat , whale , fat ***** , fat ass. They would always tell me that I wasn’t pretty enough and they would tell me to kill my self that no one would miss me. Id run home crying Locked my self in my room and got the blade and cut my legs and stomach where they wouldn’t see because I didn’t want them to see that I was hurting […]
Reality is boring & LIMITED !!
Real life is boring & LIMITED !!
Real world is boring & LIMITED !!
I also hate this life, I hate people / humans (well.. MOST/90% of them), I hate reality, I hate this world.
its very BORING !! and especially nowadays become ONLY very materialistic, money / profits driven only, all about money, money, money, & image, image, image! ; it’s very superficial, shallow, and mundane boring!
Why movies, video games, comics, books, novels, anime/manga, creative Art, basically human’s IMAGINATION & fantasy is often/always a hundred times FAR much more interesting & better than this sad, mundane, boring, superficial, […]
i don’t know what to do anymore, i really don’t wanna die, but i want the pain to go away. i just don’t know how to do it without commiting suicide. please someone, help me i really need help. but i don’t get any. people around me always just run away from me. i don’t know what i have ever done to them.
i normaly cut everyday but i’m trying to stop, bc i almost died once of it. i didnt meant to do that, but i was so angry at myself that i did it to deep. i really don’t wanna put myself in that […]
I’ve been depressed for the past three years of my life. No one knows about it but me. I’ve have scars all up my wrists but that doesn’t seem enough anymore these days and now more than ever I truly do want to die. Most people who are depressed actually have real issues. I dont . The only problem is myself I can’t seem to get out of this hole that I’ve dug for myself. I feel so stupid and I hate every aspect of myself I feel like every day I fail. I used to have close friends but they always seemed to make […]
I’ve always wanted to fall un conscience hopefully my body will just get too weak