I’m just a girl… A girl who is truly broken, I have tried to kill myself many many many times. I have scars, scars all up my wrist all down my thighs. I guess I just want to let someone know what I’m feeling because I can’t talk about how I’m feeling to any of my loved ones, they can’t see me like this. I will kill myself, I will. It hurts knowing that nobody is there for you… Ever. My mom wanders why I am always sleeping, she has no Idea, I pray to god that I don’t wake up… Every night! But I […]
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When I started my first post.. I thought it might get easier talking. It just gets harder. My parents absolutely hate me. You may think I exaggerate this but they do. I can never do anything right, my life is just one big fuck up. I don’t deserve to put them through this pain and stress. I don’t deserve anything. I’m a spoiled brat. I have nothing going for me. I just want it to be over, I just want to have a gun in my hand to end all this misery. I wish I had some way just to kill myself. The more I […]
i have sat down so many times and contemplated how to end my life how my time i have tried and how scared i have felt and chickend out of it, i was abused at a very young age i just want closure and a way to let it all go….
at a very young age maby 5 or 6 i was molested by my babysitters husband i remeber him putting his hands in my pants every night i stayed over her house and mom worked late. he would wait till everyone was alseep and come to the living room and touch me while lay there i […]
I am really sorry, but I cut myslelf one hour ago. It was so hard to stay clean ’cause there was so much pain and everyone said, that I fuck everything up. I’m scared, that it’s true. I am always so ugly and fucked up and just really… I don’t know what to say. Please forgive me ’cause I fuck everything up. Always.
…then that’s what they’ll see.
I’ll paint pretty pictures on the walls around me
I’ll always be happy and make it look real.
It’s amazing how well you can hide how you feel.
I wrote that about 27 years ago, and nothing has changed. I still paint on my smile every day before walking out the door. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 10 years old (and perhaps before that as I’m fairly certain I was sexually abused and more than certain I was physically and mentall abused)…never understanding why I feel the way I do, or how everyone else always seems like they’re […]
If you read my last post you’d understand.. I just can’t do anything right. Ever since I let my weed dealer drive my car without a license and wreck my life has been havoc. He got 6 months jail, but my 7 grand is gone.. My parents are so disappointed with me. My day consists of waking up for school, having dad take me, being forced to go to my parents friends house till 9PM every night basically as a sitter till my dad gets out of class. The car ride home is 25 minutes and all we do is fight and he tells me […]
i am so tired of having to fake a smile so that other people can accept me, i am so tired of having to pretend that i am tired instead of telling people the truth that i cant handle my life. i am “happier when am sleeping than when i am awake. my dreams keep me going knowing that one day i will jump off from that building. i am tired of getting rejected because i love too easily, now i am afraid to say i love in fear that i will lose someone, i only have one close friend and now like always i […]
I’m tired of everything. I am 21 and can’t find a job. I failed out of college when my mother was in the hospital and now my dad calls me a wasted investment. My family doesn’t have a car and I can’t get to a job even when I find one. My **** of a sisiter treats me like a piece of dog shit and calls me stupid when I was going to pay a neighbor to take me to work.
Truth is, I have always been depressed since being hit regularly as a child, whether it was with hands, leg casts, or something else my […]
I came across this site a long time ago when I was going through a rough patch, and the url has always remained in the back of my mind. Those dark days were then pushed out by a new precence in my life – would you believe it, a girl. She gave me my strength back, and I became totally dependent on her, she made me happy, despite being unfaithful, unappreciative and generally all round nasty when she’d been drinking. I spent everything I earned in an attempt to make her happy, to the point that i’m now £5500 in debt.
She’s gone now, completely cut […]
Being at home became far too painful. It’s an excruciating thing to watch the home life the brought you up for sixteen years, that was your safe place – rot away in front of your very own eyes. And I did what I’m best at – I pushed it away. I didn’t let it defeat me, I refused to let it drag me down.
I would wake at 5 AM just to get some peace from the chaos. I would leave my house for school at 5:30 AM and would walk – along the edge of the cliffs, along the beach for hours on the […]
Twice in the past week and three in the last couple of weeks I’ve talked myself out of suicide. I don’t understand why I can’t just do it. Everyone I thought were friends have decided they’re suddenly bored of me and won’t really speak to me and the one man who keeps telling me how he’s always going to be there for me hasn’t been lately. My family won’t believe I’m as unwell as I am because they don’t see mental illness as a legit ting. I’m so tired of crying myself to sleep every single night.
I’m just tired.
On april 15 i was on fb and my friend messaged me. “Before i take this bottle i want you to know i have always loved you. You were a good friend i hope you do well”
half skimming the message i wrote ” its been awhile we should hang out tommorrow and catch up on things and yor a good friend also” i had to log off cause the library was closing. The next day a friend called and told me that sheena had killed herself lastnight. My heart stopped and i didnt know what to say… Life blows and thats just the way it […]
My mom always says she loves. I can beleive that but I dont beleive is that she wants. Neither does my dad, my stepfather, or anyone who says the love me. I just cant take it any more. My mom always sides with my sister. Just because she cant get over any thing I’ve done. She is part of the reason I feel so horrible about my life. Because she thinks that making me feel bad will make my sister feel better.
I want to start off with a simple word that does not mean a lot in today’s world and that is “sorry” I am sorry I have let you down. I am sorry I have walked all over you. There is nobody/nothing to blame it is my fault and I accept that. More people than I could count have tried to help me and all I have done is spat in their faces. As I look around I see everybody is moving on. I just stay on this path of nothing. I have given effort to make the right changes but all for nothing because […]
I would very much like to die.
But only to see what my family would do.
Would they be sad?
Would they say “he was always going to do it”
Would people greave for days?
Is this selfish of me?
Hello everyone
Im Shianna and I’ve been bullied since I was 10
It started in 4th grade
At the beginning I had lots of friends I was always to popular girl I would always bring in snacks for everyone and I loved school.
Well somewhere in 4th grade I started gaining crazy weight I weighed 178
Remember a 10 year old weighing that is really dangerous so my doctor gave me pills and more pills. But they didn’t help
At all. 4Th grade was over I was in 5th now and III t was around my 11th birthday
When I walked pass a group of boys […]
I feel like I’m constantly lying to prevent anyone knowing how I really feel. I feel like a failure and don’t know how to start again. I wish I used my past opportunities better, but this horrible depression feels so debilitating that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. No one knows I want to kill myself. Suicide, Â it’s always in the back of my mind like a comfort, that if things get worse I can always get out of this life. My life has become that trivial to me now, that the thought of dying is a comfort.
Look I’m in my 20s now. And let me tell you during my high school years I fell into a depression and started entertaining suicidal thoughts. I became so introverted and just really didn’t like my peers and school I attended.
Didn’t go to prom. On my graduation day my mentality was ” good riddance”, so whats my point? -Although I must add I did well in my academics. Well, all I have to say is any of you people out there struggling with suicide, don’t do it. I know this sounds generic but don’t give up. TRUST ME, I had nothing to live […]
Today as been one off the best days I’ve had in months so far I feel there is hope for me I can give so much to this world. my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) don’t know if you have them in the us? but in the uk we do. Well he said that I will be starting counselling next week I’ve been waiting for this for months as they have  a very long waiting list in my area where I live. I still feel down I still fell like ending it. but it is less today then it as been its mead me think my […]
This site is so sad yet so important – even having a rant or sharing to a cyber-shoulder can help.. can’t it? I have been increasingly thinking of suicide again.. and when I say thinking of it I mean it really has always been there. As with a lot of people on here who have suffered with mental and emotional baggage a big part of their life… they understand. I fall into a bracket where it has always been there looming.. but I guess it gets to a point in your life (I’m an oldie at 48) where you realise you have put a damn […]