It was exhilarating. It hurt alot, but it also somehow felt really good. My heart started racing, my anxiety suddenly kicked in, what a strange yet incredible feeling! How was I so blind? I always thought people who cut themselves were insane, but this is awesome! I can’t stop now! G’day to you, my friends. Imma keep at it! So wish me luck!
Tag:
always
If you were someone outside yourself looking at the person you are now, if you knew how badly “you” were suffering and knew what words & actions, if any, could ease the pain, if you knew “your” mind so well that you wouldn’t waste a minute doing the useless things that others try unsuccessfully, and most importantly if you really cared about “you” and would never give up, would you be able to save “you”?
You would always know exactly what to say. You would always understand exactly what’s going on. You would know exactly what would bring out a smile, a laugh, or that rare […]
I’ve always wanted to have kids someday. Four to be exact. I know what you’re thinking, that’s a lot of kids. Well yes, but I love children and I’ve always wanted to have two of my own and to adopt two. I want to spoil them and love them as much as possible. I want to give them the world! But today, I stopped and I thought about the little boy or girl I’ll bring into this world someday.. and I realized I didn’t want that for them. I dont want want my children to grow up in such an ugly, hurtful world. I never want […]
Originally I wanted to post some thoughts on alt.suicide.holiday but I cannot seem to get the narkive account to do anything. Everytime I try to post, I gets 403 error saying there was spam with my post. Oh well, some of the regulars there are a real kick in the pants like The Colonal Eric Paul Burke from Northville, Mi.
What drives me crazy is the perfect conditions that need to be present to take the plunge. If I’m too depressed, there is absolutely no way I can attempt ending it all. If I’m in good spirits, I want to do other things. Its very rare […]
Hello everybody.  I am speechless (as you can see). I joined here because i am really weak at making decisions (like death or life, joy or sadness..). I mean i and my mind are living different lives. On one day i make about three- four mind changes. I just don’t  know which one I am right now. I am always copying someone. I mean i can be myself (sometimes) but  mostly i’m trying  to be someone different. i always  think too much. i was in mental hospital. i was in mental hospital for month, i wanted to stay there more. i don’t even know why […]
My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately. It’s always my fault. I get mad at him for no reason. But it feels like a reason to me. I’ve been thinking about it lately. I don’t know how I feel about him anymore. We loved each other before. He still loves me. I haven’t been able to tell him whole heartedly that I love him in weeks. I told him tonight I don’t even think about hanging out with him anymore. I didn’t tell him I can’t imagine a future without him. I don’t know what to do. He asked me to marry […]
OK, before I start I want to say that this IS the absolute truth, none of this is in my head!
I have been having suicidal thoughts for a while now.The only person I have ever told is my big sis.She just says that I should stop acting stupid.She just doesn’t get how I feel.I’m living my life half-asleep. I’m in high school (my sis goes to uni). I just sit through classes, I try to concentrate yet I always end up just staring at my teacher with a blanc mind.I write lyrings on my hands to cheer myself up. I have thought of suicide many […]
I have always been alone, lack of social life, have only 3 actual friends that I don’t want them to worry too much. My family would mock me for my thoughts and caused me to regret many choices. I have always been questioning what I actually wanted to do, but I don’t know. I suffer from fear, day to day endlessly. I fear about my future, what’s my point in living? I lack confidence indeed, but I truly don’t have any special skills. It was all fine to me, I can shed a few tears at night and get over all of my sadness and […]
I have so many regrets in my life after I graduated college. I have many friends but I feel depressed at times. I am the youngest in the family and my parents are so over protective to me. I should be home before 8PM. Rules are rules. No boyfriend after college. No drinking of alcohol. No smoking. They are over manipulating me. I am not a robot. Especially my sisters, they always control my life. I hate living anymore. I had a boyfriend. I met him at my work, he’s my co-employee. We’ve been together 7 months from now. He’ s my first boyfriend, First […]
My life has sucked since a young age. I’ve cut since I was 11. that sucks. my dad always brought me down and my mom said i was a mistake. Every night I hear them scream at each other. My sisters and brother hate me and arent afraid to say it. Im bisexual and have homophobic parents i can never tell. i have 3 attempts but none have worked obviously. i need it to work..i can take my dads gun once i find the courage too. nobody cares..i really want this.
I was told by a doctor that the reason I am sick is because I lack positive thinking.
This was a professional medical doctor.
I was supposed to tell this idiot that I would get better in a matter of months. The positive thinking would make it so.
If I did not repeat the words, that I would be healed, then it was my own fault if I stayed sick, because it meant I wanted to remain sick.
I declined.
I have an incurable genetic defect. I have had it since birth. I am disfigured by it. It is not curable.
Doctors….or demons?
Lady, to me, you will always be a demon.
Well this is my story.
I’ve always had depression since I can remember. I never thought I had a chance at a regular life… I’ve had a pretty rough childhood and teenage life. It all started when I was 5. Something terrible happened to me and it changed me in so many ways. I’ve never been the same ever since.. I’ve been rapped multiple times and I’ve was beat growing up by my step father and when I was 14 I found out I was pregnant and my sons father always hit on me, choked me, and controlled me in every way possible. We stayed together […]
It’s amazing what a smile can hide.
It’s amazing how much someone can suffer.
It’s amazing how even the little things affect me to the point of getting depressed.
It’s amazing how people are always happy and they don’t even notice how bad I feel.
It’s amazing how easy is for everyone to say “It gets better” when you know it doesn’t.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to talk to me when they need something and then forget me 2 seconds later.
It’s amazing how easy is for people to say “You’re not alone” when deep inside I feel like I am.
It’s […]
Is there a differance? Ya there is ..Love is forever. Lust is just being stuck in what you dreamed about. —-FANTASTIC FANTASY …..THATS TO DIE FOR. BUT THE JEALOUS. FRIEND ALWAYS SCREWS IT UP….THANKS ALOT …..must be. N.I.c.e. having that power over someone. Thanks Devyn that makes 2 girls you did me wrong with.
Well, turns out that I never got around to killing myself. There always seems to be something that stops me for a good day or two before the thoughts seem to flood back.
In the mean time, I feel like a horrible person because whenever I am honest to a mutual friend they turn their offense around on me and make me feel bad about myself. I know this isn’t fair, I know that I shouldn’t bother or care yet all I feel inside is that I am a bad person who makes other people angry, a problem – it’s one of my reasons to die.
I hate my life. And I would like to end it. I always wanted to wait until I finished writing my memoir. But I realized that all I need to do is leave a detailed note.
okay well. not to long ago i got raped.
after that day and that day and so forth. people think im taking it well. cuz i dont show affection.
well i do.
in my head i do. im always playing back of what has happened. and it always come put in my head when i dont try to think about it.
one night i just cried. but i hold it in.
i cant take the things back. no one understands. my bf. i cant even talk to him about it. he gets mad and just doesnt wanna listen. and i understand but i need to […]
I often ponder death wondering if its better than dealing with the pain walking around broken beaten and just done death is always the answer that comes to my mind at least it seems like the easy way out
Every few days I go out to get some groceries, as I did today. It isn’t that I don’t want to go out- I do want to feel sun on my face and breathe in fresh air. I need that; I need that most days. But I often find myself unable to get out because I am scared, depressed, feeling trauma – because when I do go out, Â I feel disconnected, anxiety and very lost. As soon as I am done w groceries I head home, and it also gives me anxiety that I have to make the journey home. I am completely lost and […]
It’s kind of a funny story
Time: 1hr 41 min
Rating: PG 13
Category: Comedy, Drama
Starring; Keir Gilchrist, Zach Galifianakis, Emma Roberts
Craig is a high school boy who wants to commit suicide. He has many things that made him attempt to. He loves his best friend’s girlfriend, Nia. Craig also feels that his mother is too sensitive and his father always says the wrong things at the wrong times. Craig as a teenage boy needs his parents. He always feels that he is not smart enough. His expectations are not realistic. If he does not go to summer school it does not mean […]