im so scared of what i might do like i don’t wanna go to school anymore because i keep getting beat up and i don’t wanna leave my house i don’t know whats outside and I’m scared something will happen! i just wanna cut even when I’m happy i wanna cut i should be dead? am i worthless? i just wanna get better but i also just wanna die! is this normal? am i normal? i don’t think can do this for much longer…
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It has been 11 months since I got cheated on the day before my birthday. I made a date with the weekend of the 4th of april; I just need to book the hotel.. so far all my plans were about being silent, calm, alone so that my body would be discovered only by the amount of concern people have for me.
Now, I plan to jump down from the highest hotel this city has to offer me with enough pills to make sure that I will be K.O. during the free fall…
The reason? Partly the fact that this girl cheated on me over and over […]
might not wake up
reallly drunk
i can’t do this again
so i am sorry to everyone.
seriously i love all of you,
honestly, i really love you all. you know who you are.
7 years ago, prior to my last attempt, I, along with 9 others bared witness to an angel ascend- my angel to be precise had been battling Aids for 15 years, and although in constant pain and discomfort he took me under his wing and like a mama bird- he nurtured me, showed me the care my own mother never could.
His poor, old, tired body could take no more and so we all gathered around him at a time he chose and bid him goodbye- he had such a high tolenrance from the hundreds of medications that had kept him alive that now they hindered […]
i am just a girl
I have no super powers
My veins filled with blood
But as I lay here
Breathing, in tears
By the agony I feel
I become aware
My heart ripped out
Stomped on, destroyed
Did not alter the life
Continuing on in my soul
I am just a girl
Without a heart, no joy
No possible future
Nowhere left to go
I have no super powers
But here I am
Against allodds
I still stand
I am just a girl
Without any hope
Void of will
I AM NO SUPER HERO!
So please tell me why
Against all the odds
why do I stand here still?
I have interview tomorrow. and it is making me sick. why can’t they just select me on my merit? i performed better than many in written exam. but no, interview is a must. afterall they need to judge my personality. I just can’t endure an unworthy, stupid person judging me. if he were some sort of a philosopher, i would be more than happy to answer his questions. but this tom, dick and harry asking me to introduce myself, tell him my strengths and weaknesses! to please him, impress him?!! who he thinks he is!! and there will be not 1 but 5 of them, including one female. […]
i just found this site while surfing ways to kill myself… i am so fed up with my life so i am quiting it by killing myself my GF thinks that i dont have faith on her and i am bad guy and my thinking also cheap… i never use any bad things to her, always loyal to her, give my all time to her but after listening these words from her my heart is full broken and wanna end myself so that one day she realise how much i love her.. thanks everyone for supporting me..and sorry for those who loved me …GOODBYE
tired of my pain
tired of this place
tired of clenching my teeth at night, tired of his voice, tired of the cold hard floor and the lousy couch bed, tired of being a woman beaten to a pulp turning her strength against herself, tired of rosaries and patriarchal religions, tired of men who dont care, tired of the demons, tired. tired of them having kind parents. tired of the thoughts. tired of the anxieties so deep they prevent you from doing anything at all, tired of being afraid, tired of this draining, loud, triggering, horrific life i lead, tired. tired of pretending, tired of the four […]
I’m depressed and it’s been awhile since its been like this. I gave up cutting 3 weeks ago I just want to do it I need it I really do need it. I keep having dreams of me commiting suicide so the thoughts of that has come back. It’s not that I feel like I have to kill myself not the feeling I used to but the possibility that its the only way to stop this cycle of depression anxiety depression then okay for a while the again and again. I have some one and a moderately good future to look forward too. I just […]
I cut class for the first time today. I can’t take it anymore I can’t go on living like this college jut started and the only thing I’ve done this two days is cry. I’ve always been scared of cutting class because I don’t want to be a burden on my parents which I already am but I’m so depressed and suicidal that Im staring not to scare if I fail college. What’s gonna happen? I want to die anyway. Some days I feel OK like this pass days but now that I have to go out and be out all day and deal with […]
I know it’s not entirely natural but is suicide somewhere near natural selection? It’s all about weeding out the weak and those that either have no more use to the environment or aren’t able to survive anyway. Not all people committing suicide fit this category but I do.
I thought about this today – when I get the courage to end myself, I’ll take my genes with me right? So no chance to reproduce (not that I ever would have the chance up any way) but in a way that’s just evolution doing its work. My weak and pathetic physical genes will be lost, my […]
I am so very tired of living. It scares me how much I am. I am sitting at my computer, not looking at anything because I just don’t care. I am alone. I am lost and no one even knows.
I truly am.
I’m sorry for being concerned.
I’m sorry for caring too much.
I’m sorry for being so attached to you.
I’m sorry for putting your happiness before my own.
I’m sorry.
I feel that I have to hide a side of myself, that I have to pretend to be a person that I am not because it seems that society views people that suffer from a mental illness as being social outcasts, people that are dangerous or viewed as being weak.
It takes so much effort and energy just to exist. But, it seems that most people don’t see that effort as being enough. They don’t see that I’m giving 100% of myself to just be alive; they don’t see the daily struggle. To be a “normal” person I have to give so much more than 100%. It is entirely […]
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
by niki
written by niki
Life is empty & meaningless, without any/no purpose, Life is boring, empty! There is no meaning of life! fuck life, fuck reality !
The more I grow up & learn after all these 32 years of my life, sadly, the more I feel hopeless especially for humanity / our humans species!
MAJORITY of people / humans beings / humanity are so damn shallow, superficial, vain, ignorant, stupid, fake, dirty, liars, etc etc.
I used to have so much HOPE for humanity , but now the hope is dwindling until it’s almost none !!
MOST people are sadly only concerned with vain, shallow, mundane “daily-life” & little […]
Well….here i am again staring at this page not really knowing what to do anymore. I chickened out on telling my parents about my depression and the cutting has become more and more, when I first started it took me a few minutes before i could actually gain the “courage” to cut but now its become really easy an effortless for me. I know that I really need help because its come to the point that I’ve actually convinced myself that being bulimic is okay, not that any of my other friends have told me otherwise, all I ever get from them now if I […]
I feel so absolutely alone even though I’m surrounded by very dear friends. I can’t talk to them about the things that bother me because then they’ll see who I really am; a weirdo, a creep, a monster. I’m all alone and my story of loss and heart break doesn’t matter.
I wish I had died when I attempted suicide twice within two days a few years ago. It seems that my life will only be comprised of me pretending to be happy when on the inside I’m suffering egregiously.
I wish there was something I could do to take away the pain, but there is nothing. Therapy […]
dear sp, MERRY WHATEVERYOUCELEBRATE to you. may this day provide the magic and peace that we deserve. how grateful i am to all of you for the help you provided. even the angry, in-your-face ones. sorry for laughing but that was ME not too long ago. i plan to stay with sp, however things turn out for me. you have become a really close friend, and i look forward to the time i spend here. truly an interesting cast of characters from around the world. i, too am alone on this day of celebration. and perfectly content with that. pull up an extra chair. i […]
hey folks, wow, what a crazy, emotional day.sun has gone down,the ex has left, and the anxiety has eased somewhat. we were able to get the big stuff out, and now can cocentrate on the little stuff. the important stuff is safe. how sweet the quiet. how sad the heart.it was good. my son and his girlfriend came and helped. the ex did not bother to tell me that they were coming. totally lost it when i saw him. he was great and really enjoyed having them here. embarrased of course.no self confidence or esteem. basically feeling pretty low. but also relieved. some of the […]
i am 22 year old boy, i just screw all thing. i screw my graduation and now i am not able to get any job. my gf is a DBA and she is forcing me all time that she do not want to live with me if i have no job in future. i am depress , i love her but she don’t because i don’t have money and job. i think i have no right to make GF. i am very innocent i just hurt when she look other guy with awesome car and she respect those guy and disrespect me because of money. […]