I’m sick and tired of being alive. Give me a reason not to die. And please, that reason can’t be “Things get better” etc. All of that is bullshit. I don’t believe in that.
I’ve been said things like “You can’t love others if you can’t even love yourself”. I have just a few friends, but none of them understands how I feel. Everyone but one person. She’s like my last reason to be alive. She has suffered a lot more than me, but she takes the time to listen to my problems. One day I know I will lose her. One day I know […]
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just die. please. end this. there’s a train coming right towards me and i don’t even move. what’s wrong with me?! have i no shame? have i no honor? have i no GOD? indeed, i’m a disgrace to my family of achievers. yes, i’m a man who wastes his days away playing swtor and masturbates everyday. i want to change. but i can’t. but i wanted to. i think i don’t want to. every time i look at the mirror, all i see is the embodiment of failure.
i know my girlfriend is sick of me being negative. why shouldn’t she? there are millions of positive, […]
I was born disabled. My disability is not something that can be seen physically, or even be cured medically. At first I didn’t recognize my differences from others. But all my life I have been feeling it, and even unconsciously struggling to mend it. I was so confused because I didn’t even understand what’s wrong with me. I thought by knowing what’s wrong with me, I could cure it. But I had never understood, so I gave up and started to accept that I would always be like this. Turn out, I was wrong and I was right. I was wrong because even knowing what’s […]
I’m so tired of being a fuck up. I’ve almost grown used to the depression now. She doesn’t like me because I’m depressed, and you know what? That makes me even sadder. Why do I even care? She loves someone else, I am simply a burden to her. But I keep talking to her. What’s wrong with me?
So this is a suicide letter I wrote to my best friend (Leaving her unknown because I’m protecting her identity. So lets just call her Anne and call me Rose. And if I say “I love you”, its friend love.) because I was really thinking about it that day.
February 8 2014
Dear Anne,
I honestly do not want to say this one word that means so many things, but this is my goodbye. I love you so much and I know you’re hurting too, but please don’t make the same mistakes that I’m making. I don’t want you to turn up the same way that […]
Surrounded by all the unknown
it seems that i am alone
As in the dark
noone speaks to me
And I
speak to noone
Yet no pain, no longing
no directions, no going
Only myself without itself
A self with no self
our life is together
our life has been forever
our time is never
never ending
places to go, things to do
words to speak
songs to sing
tears to cry
i tried so hard to make you proud of me
all i want is your love
im so alone
and so sad without you
am i dying?
i need you
i need my family
i just want to be happy
Ich bin Allein,
mein Herz zerrissen, mein Glück nur Schein,
meine Hoffnung verlor’n, meine Zukunft gewiss,
mein Ziel der Tod, dann Requiem in Cis.
Du Engel der Nacht,
hast Schmerz gebrochen, hast Flammen entfacht,
hast wirklich geliebt, hast Nähe gezeigt,
warst trotz der Fehler nie abgeneigt.
Wir beide vereint,
wo and’re belächelt, “Unmöglich!” gemeint,
wo Liebe die einzige Wahrheit bleibt,
egal, was die Sonne am Morgen treibt.
I don’t feel like I’m in a good place right now. I don’t really remember ever feeling any particularly strong feelings towards anything, even when I have achieved something I wanted. Anything I would have considered a victory feels hollow.
I feel like I want to become close to somebody, I can picture myself talking to someone where we both know everything about each other and yet we pass no judgements. This could be because we know that we are in what is effectively a M.A.D situation and any sort of point scoring we could hope to achieve about each other could be instantly negated; and […]
One day I’m gonna lose the war. Bradley Nowell, lead singer of one of my favorite bands sang these words. Sublime’s song poolshark is an amazing song I have played on my guitar and sang quite a bit. He was addicted to heroin. he eventually died on May 25, 1996.
I offten find myself singing theese words and thinking to myself, yep, it’s gonna happen to me. I’m going to lose the war, not with drugs, but rather depression. I choose not to drink or do drugs, because I don’t need that.
Today I took a test that once passed, you can graduate from […]
I feel like I’m losing who I am. Little by little. Piece by piece. Slice by slice. Chunk by chunk…
Hello there. You may remember me as the fairly young boy planning to commit suicide as soon as I reach the weekend. That was exactly one week ago. You may remember that the only person in the outside worldthat know of my suicidal thoughts and cutting is also the sole person I love. This was my undoing. Two days before I would hang myself, she stepped in an contacted the school guidance counselor. Naturally, this is a rather large issue, and long story short, my father, a police officer, picked me up from school and was require to Baker Act me. I was taken to […]
I am in dispare i dont know what to do i just want the pain to stop.
Edit: Wow… No comments, and my post is buried on page 3 (currently). It’s time for death I believe.
Well, seems I cannot escape suicidal feelings. I was sure I’d go through with killing myself the last time I was here… but… I hung-on. Things got better. Now everything is downhill again. (Or uphill, depending on your view.)
I was jobless, and felt unloved. I met some people, re-connected with old friends. It seemed like things were improving. As usual, it was an illusion. I always end-up back where I started. Having nothing, and being alone.
My dog is getting put down next week. He’s old, and he’s […]
I keep moving forward toward it. I’m trying to shake the guilt. Â Living all these years for others it’s time I get to choose for myself. Â Tomorrow I make a firm plan for method, which dictates a timeline. Â I have some cases I have to wrap up at work. Â I’ve told a lot of my clients they need to move on and find someone else to help them but there are about three cases that are almost done and I don’t want to screw them overby not finishing. Â But I think I can wrap that up in two weeks, three tops.
but I came here because […]
I am haunted by ghosts of my past
past failures and mistakes
Failures and mistakes that makes my future dark
I am scared to live
I am scared to enjoy what is good
I am scared that it will end like my past
how do I brake these chains that’s holding me back
how do I brake free from these ghosts that’s haunting me
how do I live again???????
I really don’t understand myself. One moment I’m full of joy, the next I feel like I want to die. I am so tired of feeling this way and I can’t tell anyone about this because they will always say I’m being overly dramatic. I wish there was a way to fix myself. Why am I even posting here? Why do I always have to feel sad?
I’ve been here before and here I am again. It’s been 3 years I’ve started voicing my desire to die. Three years of pure hell. Everyone says it’s going to get better and I so wish it would. But it’s not. It just gets worse and worse and I’m more alone than ever.
I can’t even kill myself properly. I’ve overdosed on pills about 15 times. I can’t go through with cutting my carotid or partial suspension. I’m a fucking failure even in my desire to die. I’ve been kept as an in patient in a psychiatric institution twice. I’ve seen countless psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors.
They […]
I was friends with a girl that was suicidal, but said she loved me. The cause for suicidal thoughts were… the fact that I am also a girl and people in small towns don’t accept lesbians very well, especially her own family. And although I accepted her and cared a lot for her, I am straight.  She was teetering back and forth between wanting life and wanting death, and she cut herself because of the pain. I asked her a question that I thought could fix the problem at the time because I had so many answers, I asked her; Do you have any goals in […]
I try to keep my mind off of the suicidal demons trying to consume me. It’s a bit hard when nothing is going good.
I’ve not been myself lately. I don’t even know who I am anymore, as cliché as that sounds.
I plan on moving out to Florida after high school. My friend has a condo in Orlando, I’d move anywhere to get out of this shithole city.
You know, no matter how shitty and depressed I feel, I always put others before me. I wish more people would do the same, some are incredibly selfish, it’s disgusting.
I find it hard to see myself in the future. I have […]