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impending surrender

by clevername
written by clevername

indefinitely as i drift among the currents, indefinitely will i vie for optimal position in the flow.

But… lately i’ve been feeling that feeling, much more deeply; less indefinitely…

And maybe it’s just time… or almost time… and i’m not really sure what good waiting will ever do, if it’s all i can do, and only without any chance to make any of the changes overdue.

So many things, circumstances, scenarios, all converging and intersecting at once… that i can’t really even… communicate, i guess.

Too many things went wrong, long ago, and started a bunch of chain reactions, which have all been feeding into and compounding each other, […]

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Loneliness

by Black_Bandages
written by Black_Bandages

warning i am writing this out of lonliness, i am telling my story that may be traumatic and triggering to others and my journey so far. i am leaving out some strong details, but i will leave subtle hints to the other things i experienced which others will understand if they’ve experienced also.

Why is it? some people are just always last? always the scum to everyone else?

When you try so hard in your life and people say your doing great but you know your going no where inside, when you scream but no one hears you?

When you can’t get close to anyone anymore, when i […]

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Why am i still here?

by Blue Butterfly
written by Blue Butterfly

I have been suicidal for at least two years now. I cannot stand to be alive and i have NOTHING to live for. I have no job, i live with my mom (im 33), i have no friends, no partner, no money, my family treat me like an outcast and i have no motivation or excitement in my life. I want to die but cannot for the life of me understand why im still here! Oh, and by the way im not religious. Does anyone else here have the same problem? Ive even chosen my method to exit this world but i dont know whats […]

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falling apart

by kristink
written by kristink

something is going on with my body. this new “fun” thing just started.  i am having trouble speaking-getting tongue tied. people talk to me and i can’t understand what they are saying. sounds like gibberish to me. i am shaking like crazy. the weakness i have been having has spread to the rest of me.  feeling like i am watching myself from afar. i am drifting away . making myself invisible . having a lot of trouble concentrating on what it is i am doing. feeling anxious about leaving my house. i know i should go in to see my shrink. it is obvious the […]

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Saroquel and sleep

by morrs084
written by morrs084

So i’m seeing my GP tomorrow and will ask his opinion on it too.. but i was curious if anyone has felt this before.I’m taking Saroquel for sleep and to calm my anxiety. I started out with one a night and then they upped me to two and now three (75mg). It knocks me out like no other.. but then i only sleep for 2-5 hours, then i wake up. I’m wide awake for an hour or so and then get really sleepy again. I can’t sleep in at all, ever now and i’m always so exhausted. It’s almost like all i do is take […]

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by msquared
written by msquared

now i know he’s a terrible person, or has a severe mental illness. i can’t decide. and i can’t decide which one is worse. he doesn’t care that he is preventing my from graduating. he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care about how terrible he is. I’m selfish? yeah i guess. does he not see how effing selfish he is?! and cruel?! omg. i explained everything in plain english, and nothing. he just keeps saying he hates me and he’s canceling his phone. HE HATES ME?! I HATE ME! I HATE ME BECAUSE IM NOT WORTH DIRT TO HIM. there is no getting through to him […]

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Wow people are stupid…

by clevername
written by clevername

I can’t figure out why that still astonishes me. Clearly i have encountered this aspect of reality, countless times… but each further encounter, with such things, continues to astonish me.

And i realize this must be some kind of “flaw” in my perception or cognition… but i just can’t seem to avoid being astonished by that, for which i’ve already seen plenty of evidence to justify a reasonable and unwavering expectation.

It’s troubling to me, even on a personal level, because i realize i shouldn’t be astonished, due to the sum total of all my experiences, and the plethora of seemingly endless evidence and indications, serving to […]

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Eminem

by Honey_bee00
written by Honey_bee00

for some reason. the music artist Eminem knows exactly what to say.
hes a roll model to me.
i dont care about his past. and things that he has done.
he just gets to ppl. (i think)
hes the only person that knows how to keep my head up
i just listin to his music and listin to see what he went through and i think to my self i dont have that and if he can keep everything going then can i.
he talks about his life. and how he gets through it telling you to keep your head up to. and gives advise!

if […]

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I’m afraid

by rprp98
written by rprp98

I hate how after all this time, i still can’t find the courage to
try it with someone else. Because of you, i find it hard to trust
everyone around me as i think that they will just leave me like you
did.You broke all your promises and i’m scared that everyone else
will too. I’ve learnt to play on the safe side so i don’t get hurt.
Im scared of getting hurt again, of just being left broken again.
i just don’t know how to let anyone else in, I’ve tried my hardest
to just forget everything, all our memories, but […]

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It’s happening again ….

by meris
written by meris

Okay so on 3/5/2014, i was admitted into a mental facility and this is my story of being in it (YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ)

Okay so mine was because i had well attempted suicide, my friend called the cops on me after she found out and this crisis lady gave me an option which by the way was stupid. she said if i didn’t talk to her…i would have to be admitted …but truth was, that I was going to have to be admitted anyway because I had attempted suicide and like the only way, i wouldn’t be admitted was if she thought, i was […]

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Depression/Suicide Rant

by morrs084
written by morrs084

Okay so i’ve dealt with depression for most of my life.. but more recently it’s gotten worse and i’ve been fairly suicidal for a month. Anyways.. in the past month or so i’ve been told things, advised things, suggested things… and i keep wanting to scream back at them with frustration. So here is my rant, maybe some of you can relate.

1.) Maybe it’s just a seasonal depression, lots of people get sad during winter. -No.. last time i checked i’ve had this for most of my life and the weather should not make someone suicidal

2.) If you’re ever feeling suicidal or thinking about making […]

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reaching for the pills?

by CheshireCatMadness
written by CheshireCatMadness

im CheshireCatMadness and yeah im not gonna be bothered listening to all that it will get better stuff because it wont. Anyway when i was eleven i tried to take an overdose of sytraline anti depressants but i was a coward and my mum caught on and i was rushed to hospital. im not gonna mess up this time… if i take an overdose on sleeping pills i’ll be asleep and i wont feel death. its important that its quick so i dont have regrets and painless and easy to get hold of. i dont wanna wake up and im hoping i wont feel any […]

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How to know

by jake5
written by jake5

I want to get out of all this pain… But for some reason i still hang on some hope and have been here longer than i thought. I will go soon… Could b tomorrow, next week, a month… Idk. Why do i still hold hope even though i know things (health) wont get better and i cant live my life like this. I had a great ride, and whats so wrong about ending it and not living through a painful life?  Any thoughts ? Btw i think its everyones own right to do what they want with their livez, live or die.

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The World

by RealKris
written by RealKris

It’s not really worth living in is it? when you think about it, there are at least 100 unspeakable things that happen every second, we as people are dirty, filthy things unworthy of life if we do those kind of things with it….i just started posting here but i think that this world is filthy and just not worth living in. I hate it, and i feel an almost inherent hatred for a lot of people in it, if that makes me some kind of weirdo or psycho or sociopath then so be it, but thats just what i observe from living on this shit […]

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by jondoe
written by jondoe

i am over 50 years old and depressed i am out of work broke sleeping on a pile of sponges in my mothers covered driveway i’ve never married have no kids, i have no money and i really just can’t continue living like this. most things i read online suggest getting medical attention immediately, however having zero funds makes this an impossibility. is it reasonable the solution to my situation be to end my life?

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Why do i wanna feel like this?

by morrs084
written by morrs084

I’m beginning to feel better, whether it be my drugs finally working the sudden nice weather we’re having.. i am feeling better. I’m not thinking about hurting myself as much.. but i do still have these thoughts.  I’m cutting a lot again and i keep thinking of wanting to take all my pills. I finally got my pills back from my aunt who was keeping them from me. Ughhh

But after everything.. i feel guilty or bad feeling good. Like i’m letting the depression down? If that makes sense!?

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