The playlists abounded, the only things left besides the journals upon journals, notepads chock-full
Wings of healing, wings of health,wings of love, Angels embracing me keeping me from myself. O holy beings i’m sending a message in despair, enfold me in love.surround me in light. Let no darkness through not even at night. Archangels protect me ,devine angels reveal a path that is plentiful in love,bliss, and cheer. Don’t leave me to wander in this barren estate. Surround me, protect me, love me. And if this can’t be accomplished in an expeditious way, separate me from this vessel, this body, this pain.”
Before I start my post, I’m apologising for the lack of replies to the comments on my last post. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind the other day, so I thought it was best to not reply at that time.
The last two days have been particularly awful. My moods have been so irregular I’ve had to leave rooms because everyone is utterly pissed at the lack of stability. And the voices are so frequent I feel like my head is going to explode. I can’t cope with the constant noise.
The figures aren’t much better. I see things everywhere now; I can’t look […]
I had to go to college today. I was in from 1 to 5. It was the same lesson for the entire four hours, so it wasn’t as stressful as when classes switch. I was stuck on a table with the whole class (it’s small, only 10 of us and all girls), so my anxiety and paranoia was almost unbearable.
After meeting with my personal tutor yesterday, I’m allowed to leave lessons whenever I need to for as long as I need to. I wanted to every minute of class, but my anxiety stopped me and so did the fact that I knew I would just […]
My mum is accusing me of making everything up. This isn’t the first time. She used to say this about my depression. Then my anxiety. Then when I first started hearing and seeing things. And now again. I told her weeks ago when she found out about the Angels that I haven’t told anyone because not only do I not know if they’re Others, but I was scared no one would believe me. And now she says this. Apparently it’s too much for her to handle and she wants to walk out on me. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to almost hate […]
I’ve been trying to act somewhat ‘normal’, and not like everyone is trying to murder me. It’s difficult, to say the least. I can’t keep up with emotions anymore. I’m not reacting to things I’m supposed to, and I’m reacting differently than I should in other situations. I’m getting yelled at for being ’emotionless’, and I’m getting yelled at for ‘behaving inappropriately’.
The voices are constant now, specifically the running commentary and the laughing. The demons missed last night again, but I’ve saw the shadow people throughout the day instead.
My mood has been ridiculously low all day, anger being the most prominent one. It’s not even […]
I’m in college, and I can’t concentrate. I need to get away. I need to go home. I need to listen the Angels. They said I’ll get sent a message, but I’m going to miss it. I can’t leave, I won’t be able to. Even if I left, there’s no way to get home. It’s a two hour walk, and I can’t risk it anyway. The Others will get me. They all know the medication didn’t kill me, and the Angels said they’re angrier. I’m stuck in this building. I can’t leave until 5. I’m going to miss the message, and I’m going to get […]
Lately I’ve been terrified. I don’t want to go downstairs, I don’t want to see anyone. And I most definitely don’t want to leave the house.
I missed college, again. That wasn’t entirely due to the fact that everyone is trying to kill me outside. No. Saturday morning I was forced to restart my medication because my moods have been ridiculous. An hour after taking it I had awful pains in my stomach and I was throwing up, and another hour later shooting pains were going through my chest.
Within a few hours I was burning up and I was hurting everywhere. My temperature was high enough […]
I found out a couple hours ago that I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. Needless to say, I have had panic attacks, and the Angels have became almost unbearable. I can’t see her tomorrow. I can’t see her ever. She’s going to get me. The Others are going to get me. Every session with her I’m restless, uncomfortable, and waiting for them to attack me.
They’re going to this time. Kemuel told me. He knows. I can’t go tomorrow, but my mother won’t let me miss another session. She’s letting them get me, she’s going to let them kill me. She’s part of them, and now I’m […]
I could only last 2 hours in college today. We were using sharp tools and it triggered the Angels – I hadn’t heard them all day up until then. They haven’t shut up since. My mum yelled because she had to pick me up early. I didn’t tell her why, she doesn’t understand. Whenever I use them as an ‘excuse’ – as she puts it – she gets angry and says it’s stupid.
She’s lying. She knows about them, she works with my psychiatrist and the Others. I know now. Obadiah told me that I need to see my doctor; I need to tell him what […]
Amber afternoon
Too cold to cross the room
Angels patrol our roof
Black eyes and cigarettes
Blue smoke and tenderness
Never leave the bed
You wait for me and I will pick you up right here (x3)
Old souls (x3)
I saw my therapist yesterday. Surprisingly I opened up to her a lot about the voices (she knows about the other set which aren’t the Angels). The Angels weren’t there, so I wasn’t as nervous as I usually am in my sessions.
She did the number scales with me again. 0-10 on how likely I am to listen to the voices. The first was how likely I am to hurt myself because of them, I said 5 (it’s really a 8 or 9), but she was happy with that. And the other was how likely I am to hurt others because of […]
Today was bad. The Angels were bad. The visual hallucinations were bad. Everything was bad. I almost died.
I was barely able to get out of bed because of the Angels; but I forced myself because of my dogs. I was almost unable to stay downstairs this morning; but I had to make myself because I got lumbered with my brother while my mum and stepdad stayed in bed. The visual hallucinations got almost unbearable around this time – 9:50, I believe it was. Everything would move around, faces were everywhere, figures were everywhere. Despite how awful they got, I got my brother to distract […]
I see my doctor on Tuesday. I need to talk to him about things I’m not completely honest about with my psychiatrist or therapist. The only problem is I’m concerned he’ll side with them. My last therapist wouldn’t say a bad word about my psychiatrist, or any other doctor for that matter, and I’m afraid he will do the same. I don’t think he would, but it all comes down to how deep my psychiatrist has her claws in him. If she’s turned him against me, too; if she’s going to make him try to hurt me as well. I want a new psychiatrist, I […]
Before I start this, I know it will be all over the place so it will most likely make no sense. But I want to keep a document of what happens with the new voices and Angels.
The new voices are getting worse. They’re louder, and Jeremy isn’t back. Now there’s only four of them at any given time. There’s one set of four that are awful. I hate them. One is a constant intake of breath that is considerably louder than the others. Another comments on what I’m doing, but in a way which is mockingly. The last two are too quiet to be comprehendible, […]
My moods have been awful lately, as have the Angels. For months my moods have been out of control. Some days I’ll wake up somewhat okay, and by the afternoon I cannot stand to be around anyone – and the degree of this type of mood fluctuates for roughly 4-5 days.
Then I can have an okay mood last for a period of time, also – yet, this is happening less often now. However, it’s my anger that’s the worst at the moment. My outbursts are becoming more frequent, and the reasons are becoming less obvious. Sometimes they happen due to the slightest change in my […]
It’s been almost a year since I last made a post on here, and, in all honesty, it’s because I’ve been gradually getting worse. I thought time away from any sort of socialisation would better improve my mental health. Well, that backfired entirely. For the past few months I’ve rarely gone online, with the exception of college research, and it’s just given me more time to dwell on everything.
The voices are worse, I hear them all day, everyday now. No, they’re not voices at all. They’re Angels. I know that now, they’d finally said. The Angels are deafening. I used to have some breaks between […]
Im having a really bad day today you see when I was 15 I was in a very abusive relationship he was fisicaly mentally an verbally abusive i moved in with him two months after dating he looked me in a room for what it seem to be for ever and would only give me wate r and bread a couple months after that I got pregnant I loved my baby very much I was 4 months pregnant when I lost my little angel my ex kicked me in the stomach soo hard he killed my baby… God I hate him so much about A […]
Music & Lyrics By: ?
We Know Full Well There’s Just Time
So Is It Wrong To Toss This Line?
If Your Heart Was Full Of Love
Could You Give It Up?
‘Cause what about, what about Angels?
They will come, they will go, make us special
Don’t give me up
Don’t give…
Me up
How unfair, it’s just our love
Found something real that’s out pf touch
but if you’d searched the whole wide world
would you dare to let it go?
‘Cause what about, what about Angels?
They will come, they will go, make us special
Don’t give me up
Don’t give…
Me up
‘Cause what about, what about angels?
They will come, they will go, make us special
It’s not […]
Yes, you are beautiful inside and out!!!! You captured my soul baby, and I love you!!! Angels exist!!!!! You are proof!! 🙂
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