This is mental torture. My brain wont allow positive feelings and pleasures, it rejects them like foreign territory. It is not used to positivity so it doesnt know what to do with it. It teased me by making me feel confident and excided and content and motivated for a very short time then slaps me back in the face and replaces these good feelings with guilt anxiety paranoia saddness bordome and fear. It feeds these thoughts into my mind virtually automaticly , thoughts like “you are undeserving to feel content, get praise, . You are a bad person your doing it all wrong, you cant […]
Tag:
Anxiety
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
It seems that when I was I was honest with myself, I at least had the comfort of knowing that I could maybe fix the problem. I feel hopeless and feel like I still lie to myself. I’m in disastrous relationships. Plural. And I don’t have my family around to being me down to earth or make me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve ruined my relationship with my best friend from high school and I don’t really talk to anyone except my boyfriend anymore and maybe my parents from time to time. I encircle myself with “friends†I do not feel suit me anymore. […]
I loved my brother so much but he won’t come back and it was my fault. Since I was such a kid I was always alone, I hadn’t any friends, what a shame for a kid.. then I grow up and things didn’t change. I have a really big anxiety and I can’t help it, I’m even taking pills but I can’t say a word at school, people laugh of me, they hate me. I feel so much pain. However at least my brother was always with me, by my side…as a real friend. He meant everything to me. 7 months ago he died of […]
It seems almost childish to be posting something here – from my perspective anyway. I’ve always associated some sort of guilt with sharing. Â I’ve never been great at articulating my feelings well, and I’ve never found much comfort in expressing them, regardless. I’m not exactly sure what I’m even searching for by registering here. Closure? Comfort in confiding in countless, faceless others? Furthermore, I’m not even certain that, after posting this, I’ll even bother to return and read the comments – again, I’m uncertain as to my feelings regarding this. Fear, perhaps? Or maybe it seems unnecessary, as my only goal was, ultimately, expressing this […]
Do you ever feel like maybe your purpose in life is truly to kill yourself? I honestly feel that way all the time. I trust God with all my heart and I believe that I have a purpose, but I also have this underlying feeling that my destiny is suicide.
It’s kind of crazy, not that any of you know me, but if you did, I would be the last one you’d pick to write the above statement. A few people do know about my anxiety and eating disorders, but even they would never suspect suicide. There’s those people, dark and mysterious, that you know […]
I find myself wishing I wasn’t born.
I find myself widhing that someone would look at me and see the pain i am because I cant bring myself to tell them.
I want everyone to realize I am not the bitchy sarcastic person they think I am, I use it to hide..
Why do bad things happen to those so young and full of life, Why do they come in and stomp the joy out of us killing all hope, love and joy.
The day get worse despite the promise of “It gets Better”.
My heart and soul aches and I don’t know what to do…
I cannot WAIT till im a adult. Then i’ll just be as far as possible from my home and my family. Now before i go on my rant, let me just say no, i dont have a physically abusive family, no are my parents divorced nor are they dead, sick or drug addicts. They just treat me like woman were treated in the 1940’s. No rights. No freedom. They were OBLIGED to stay home and work, things like that. Well that’s how I am treated. I have been occasionally depressed for a while now. (my depressive bouts usually last between hours to a week). Anyway, […]
Pain overriding any rational thoughts
only feeling what I want most not too
Churning in my stomach, and burning in my chest
How did this happen, I ask
Only to be reminded that there is no explanation
No concrete answer to the question I’m seeking
I just have to accept what is.
Accepting a reality of isolation, loneliness and solitude
Feeling imprisoned by my own being
Trapped in a world I can’t escape
Following me wherever I go.
My mind plagues my every thought
The inner bully condemning every part of me
Ruthless, harsh and callous
Never stopping with its relentless bashing.
Only sleep gives […]
Trapped in the home of people who refuse to understand, who think my depression is hiding something, who think I’m lazy rather than my depression is debilitating.
I could take every type of med, go to every type of therapy, I could have sunshine coming out every orifice. It would make no difference.
Why? Because my problem isn’t me, its my mother. My mother is a cold, venomous, uncaring nag. She does not believe that depression is a mental illness, but instead views it as a weakness of the mind. She has mild dysthymia at worst and thinks she is the authority on depression. I doubt she has experienced a […]
Feb. 8th I tried to kill myself. I have never attempted anything like this before, but God knows I have been thinking about it for way too long. I was down stairs doing some practice cuts on my wrist, just to see how hard I needed to press and figure the whole mess out. The first cut was quite demeaning. I think one drop fell out, so I tried again in a new spot, harder this time. This time I got a good amount to come out. As I was getting ready to go even deeper and harder I dropped the razor blade and it […]
The small criss cross across my wrist
Nobody notices
Nobody cares
The small criss cross across my wrist
I want the the relief
I need the relief
Of the small criss cross across my wrist
be straight up I suppose…. My names Serena , I’m in 7th grade at Bemidji Middle School , I have a smile on my face most of the time(= , but everybody knows im ‘depressed’ , because …. I cut myself , a lot… my legs , my arms , my wrists , my stomach…. It make’s me feel better. I don’t know what else to do! , I ALWAYS get called a ; HOE , WHORE , **** , ***** , FAT , UGLY , WORTHLESS , ATTENTION WHORE , DUMB , BOYFRIEND STEALER , etc.. It sucks , a lot , I don’t […]
im on risperdol was perscribed it for anxiety fiirst couple daya on it havent noticed significant effects yet ..its used to treat schizophrenia which i think i may have. im hoping it.will take the edge off at.least of my paranoid thoughts.and anxiety.. hasase tried this drug? all my life.id had these abnormal fears and thoughts for example i still am.unable to finish high school do to my social fears. i have one friend who i can barely open up to unless im drunk
i have an alcohol problem already at 18. i am.very sensitive and the smallest comments.can upset . […]
Well I’m not sure where to start with this post . . .
I feel rather blank for a while. I’m hardly doing any of my school work and have been failing for a while, that’s probably the worst. I’m a bit uncertain of my social situation you see I really only have two friends who I still hang out with sort of often, but for a while now their interest in video games have dissipated, something im still very into. I still have fun with them but as they get more social and, despite their encouragement, really have lost interest in hanging out with them. […]
hey. im abby and im 13… i dont know what to do. i am on medication for depression and anxiety. but they arent helping. if anything i got worse. i started cuttimg and became suicidal. the only reason im aliv  is because my boyfriend monte talke  me out of killing myself two nights ago. i have a therapist ut she is a *****. im sorry but i really hate er. and i  cant get  new therapist because there are none mor  in my area. my friends have been supportive but they are getting tired of all my sadness. please i am writing the letters […]
My name’s Brittany.
And my life’s just a mess.
I deal with depression and anxiety, and I’m here at 2:20 in the morning because I also suffer from insomnia which all three extremely suck.
I’m a drop out. School’s too much to handle for me. It stresses me out.
I stay home and do nothing. I don’t have a job or anything. My mother hates it and if I don’t do anything she’s kicking me out in 14 days.
Honestly, I don’t have much friends. So I have no where to go.
I do have a boyfriend, but he’s gone until June.
I’m just feeling alone, […]
   A bigot is defined in the online Oxford English Dictionary as:
a person who has very strong, unreasonable beliefs or opinions about race, religion or politics and who will not listen to or accept the opinions of anyone who disagrees.
Why do such people still exist in this world? Haven’t we, as a race, grown up into our adulthood yet, the civilised versions of our cave dwelling former selves? I’m thinking no.
A few weeks ago, while walking to visit my grandparents, my partner and I happened to pass by a group of older teens who were talking about the young man and woman who’d […]
After putting a gun to my head yesterday I decided to go see my psychiatrist today. Â I called the ombudsman in my area about his lack of ethical behavior earlier this year. Â After 4 months, the case was assigned a ‘resolved’ status without my knowledge. Â I MADE THE FUCKING COMPLAINT!!! Â How can it be resolved without me even being notified? Â The agency has lied to the ombudsman from day one and she told me that they told her the situation had been resolved. Â I asked her what the resolution was cause I sure wasn’t included in that decision. Â The agency told the ombuds that they […]
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]