Anxiety is the unwelcome guest within my mind. Nay, not a guest, but the unwelcome demon that inhabits the depths of my being, not just my mind. It captures my whole body in its icy tendrils that are mistaken for its hands, it slams loud noises and makes me jump, it causes me to sweat and shiver at the same time. My heart races faster than a horse at the Kentucky Derby finish line, causes my hands to shake more than the milkshakes that bring the boys to the yard, and forces my brain to whirl in a fashion not unlike the Tasmanian Devil from […]
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anxious
I’m sorry if this is weird, but I was thinking and I’m not sure how much I’ll really want to say when I see you tomorrow, but right now I feel like talking so I think I’m going to try and tell you some things now so you basically know whats happening.
So I started taking my anxiety medication and I don’t think it’s working at all. In fact I think I’ve been getting a lot worse. I keep shaking like whenever I get anxious or nervous I can’t breathe, I can barely talk and my jaw starts shaking and it looks like I’m shivering. […]
I know I am responsible for my own life. But it has become so hard.
I don’t know if it is flashbacks or just sickening fantasies. It makes me sick. It makes me anxious. If it is flashbacks then it is reality and I can’t live with that.
I feel desperate. I need rest.
I am scattering into trillions of pieces. Not coping at all. Why would I have such sickening fantasies. What is wrong with me? But if it is true, what then. I don’t know where to turn. Exhausted
I’m tired of pretending to be ok. I’m tired of not feeling well. I’m tired of lying. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of disappointing people. I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of being anxious. I’m tired of being embarrassed. I don’t know what to do. I’m miserable.
So most of my anxiety is social. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with Social Anxiety Disorder last October after I had to drop out of taditional high school because I was too anxious to be around so many people. Everyday on the car ride to school i would have a stomach ache because I was so anxious. A couple times I even had to stop at a gas station and throw up. Everytime I would walk down the hallways at school or walk into a classroom I would get sweaty palms, my heart rate would rapidly increase and my breathing would quicken. I have had several […]
Have any of you ever thought how easy life would be if we don’t have to please people and actually get the chance to mind our own business without getting anxious or insecure?
Because i have. So many times that i lost count.
I think people are getting tired of me being that fucking sad all the time.
Worst part is that I am too. I hate myself. I hate being sad. I hate feeling stupid. I hate feeling useless. I hate this fucking anxiety.
I don’t want the world having this picture of me anymore. I don’t want them to think that I’m just looking for attention, or that I’m a poor sad broken kid.
But I can’t stop crying. And it’s been almost two years of crying almost every day. I should be dry by now.
And I keep reading about depressed people being unable to […]
Warning – really long and pathetic post
So I still want to kill myself. And every time I think about this, I think about the reasons I shouldn’t, or why I haven’t already. And most of the time I realize I’m just living out of fear of something. Like the possibility of an afterlife. I think I overcame this. And the other major one, which I think I overcame a few months ago, is the idea of my mother mourning me. I’ve never liked it when my mother expressed her love for me (which I think is common for teenagers with low self-esteem – even though I’m […]
So my mum is learning to drive (yeah, kinda late). Instead of feeling proud, I can only think that she will have an accident as soon as she gets the license.
Today a plane departing from Barcelona to Germany crashed… I knew that the odds of someone that I know being in the plane were minimal, but I’ve been all the day thinking about my friends living in Germany. What if they came home this weekend and they were in the plane going back there?
What if my sister kills herself? What if I walk the dogs and they eat something poisoned? What if that person, or […]
My anxiety is taking over my life now,I’m constantly feeling anxious,at home on the street especially at school.
It’s starting to really affect me now to the point were I’m starting to feel really sick and nearly fainting.
Dose anyone know anyways I can calm myself down and stop me from thinking so much?
My mother’s boyfriend hanged himself ten months ago.
I didn’t saw him, but for ten months, I’ve been having nightmares every single night. About him, or about hanging myself. I still think about him every day.
Things were really bad before he killed himself. But now, he just left a hell.
He was a good man. He was generous and kind. But he just cared to much about everything. Any small critic, any argument would drown him. Every thing that he couldn’t afford would make him anxious.
Yes, he was depressed, but no one thought that he was suicidal. And one morning… the surprise.
I try not to blame him. […]
I yearned for death as a child and adolescent. I hurt myself relentlessly, but could never muster up the courage to actually end it. I’ve escaped the life that was forced on me, the people who hurt me, the person that I was because of it all, but I still find myself anxious for death. I will be driving and have to fight the impulse to let go of the wheel or to jerk it in the direction of oncoming traffic. I will allow myself to close my eyes when I am tired and attempt to fall asleep while I’m still driving. I will imagine […]
3 years ago some bad financial advice resulted in me losing $200k, and subsequent events increased this to virtually $1.5m. I am now 60 years old and was heading for a comfortable retirement, but these events have decimated my plans and left me an anxious wreck unable to work and increasingly depressed. I look back on my life as a doctor with self loathing and with the bitter taste of guilt I have seen myself steadily deteriorate over the past 2 years. Although previously a workaholic national level triathlete, I have now become a lonely slob, sitting around all day on the computer or ruminating […]
I had a night of wild dreams. Sometimes I wish I could just keep sleeping. Today I have some decisions to make and I’m not sure where to go. I feel lonely and confused about what is the best way to go. Do I stay where I am or move closer to family? I am anxious but grateful for all the help today.
Two weeks ago I left the psych ward after three months of trying to recover from depression and anxiety. Before I left, the shrinks there questioned me about how my three month stay had helped me. I lied, told them it changed something, told them it had made a difference, told them that “it taught myself a lot about me”. In truth, nothing has changed, but I didn’t have the balls to tell them about it. I felt like I had just wasted a quarter year of my life twiddling thumbs. I still feel anxious. I still feel depressed. I still feel like I could […]
just saw a christmas countdown on the news.37 days til christmas.where the fuck did the time go?
now i’m all anxious since i haven’t found a job, been unemployed for almost a year.and it’s crushing me since i promised myself that i would make our family’s 2014 holiday celebrations grand.i’ll fund it, make my parents happy and proud,be the best eldest sis giving presents to my siblings.give grown-up gifts to my relatives as a sign of gratitude.bake a lovely cake, impress my bf and his family.
shit, i’m not going to be able to do any of that.none of that.i’m a fucking disgrace, a loser.it’s making […]
I am reborn into the self I always knew I was deep down. I have shed all of my hang ups. I am no longer pitifully socially anxious. I can talk to anyone and am totally free of mental torment. I have always been good at public speaking actually, even at my most anxious.
I am over-educated and have no desire to go to any more classes. I need to start teaching.
How, where, and about what are the only questions that remain.
Just sharing this, no replies are required.
How would you define a loser?
Let’s see:
Would a 25 year old who cannot hold down a job for more than 6 weeks without getting fired and who has been unemployed for about 2 years qualify? Still living under your parents roof?
How about the person of the same age never having been in a relationship or have even had a real kiss? (The main issue being societies expectations. It does not really bother me too much.)
Or what about having no real friends because you have such poor social skills, get socially anxious and are known to have a temper? Where even mental health staff have given […]
I am a 14 year old teenager, depressed and suicidal. I know this may sound stupid but does anyone know any pills that will make me pass out if I overdose? I am not exactly trying to kill myself, just a way of revealing my pain to my parent without having to actually talk to them, but let’s just say I wouldn’t care if I died overdosing.
I know I will receive lots of “don’t do this” “you don’t deserve life” and “you’re worth it” but I don’t believe any of that. I hate my life and myself so much, I don’t think anything or anyone […]
I suffer from severe anxiety among other things. If xanax didnt exist I probably would’ve gone insane and peeled my own skin off by now. Lately, I can’t sleep. Let me correct that, It won’t let me sleep. Every time I start to relax my heart rate increases and I feel like I’m going to vomit. This anxious demon inside me is getting angrier. I can’t think of my future without almost having a panic attack. My death seems to cause me less concern than my prolonged life.
How do you quell a monster that you can’t control? I’m tired of the anxiety and the […]