It’s omniscient to watch all the people close to you drift away. Those that keep yourself together move apart, they reveal all your cracks and damages. And who would want to be around damaged goods? Who has the time, the energy, the effort to give a damn. The world is not full of those who repair broken antiques and beauty. No one is willing or able at the same time to lend both their hands to hold a half of you in each. It doesn’t matter how penitent you are, no matter how generously you try, there isn’t much of a hope that someone will […]
Tag:
apart
I never though that I would honestly feel this way because I thought I would always be happy but I guess not. I always felt upset for some reason. Something would just happen that was happy it turned out to be upsetting when I thought of something different. I mean people would notice anything because they were to selfish and thinking about their stuck up lives and making a reason to make other people feel bad for them which I though was kinda stupid because other people are going through harder times which they don’t understand. I just want to go away that’s the easiest […]
I’ve been thinking about you today. 14 years of you. 14 years filled with endless family tailgating, barbecues, alcohol, weed, and music. We haven’t been the same since I left for college a year ago. You broke me out of my shell, saved me from myself, and were the sister I never had. I know you’ve changed because you have all new friends, our mutual old ones don’t like you much. I can stop blaming myself for the most part. We needed this time apart because I was too dependent on you, I thought people needed you around to hang out with me. It’s not […]
This world has gone to shit
large cracks emerge breaking apart cities and towns
spewing fire from the very depths of hell
there is no stopping the chaos it brings forth
cities burn, families die
he is merciless and will not stop
pain everlasting, brings nothing but sorrow
merciless combat breaks out between the ones
with the strength and the will to survive
friends turned to foes
as they fight to survive
he sits on his throne
laughing maniacally (laughing)
but in the end, he will kill them all anyway
entrapped in psychosis, is this a dreamworld?
ENTRAPPED IN PSYCHOSIS, IS THIS A DREAMWORLD?
WHAT THE […]
being awake doesn’t bother me. I do rather enjoy life. But sleep is just so much better. Something about going to sleep is appealing. If it weren’t for the fact you had to inevitably wake up, it would be the perfect feeling.
Does anyone else feel like every time you wake up to a new day, a little more of you is stripped away? If I could turn down sleep, I probably would. Because every time I wake up, I slowly fall apart more. If sleeping wasn’t a factor then what is left of me would remain in tact. But you can’t stay awake, not forever. […]
today again…something bad happened which was not supposed to be happened…whole family,friends and the world is against me…they don’t wana accept who i love…im broken into pieces and if my loved one’s will go apart from me then i seriously need to stop breathing…pllllsss God help me! not to save my life but to stay with my dad up in heaven…feel like killing myself again!!!
This is the first year where I will not have a family to celebrate my birthday with. I’ve received a card in the mail every single year from my parents, respectively, and this year, I won’t get that. I won’t get anything. Not that I need to receive something for my birthday but I’ll be completely alone.
The cuts of the one group of people who are supposed to love me no matter what are deeper than any knife or blade. What am I to do?
I can already feel my soul ripping apart. It’s going to hurt and it’s going to cause me to slip even […]
I ran across these two posts today, and I thought that they were really moving.
Even when I wanted to die, to kill myself
To rip each cell of my being apart, not once,
Not ever, did I miss a piece of homework.
Or fail a test or skip an hour-long lesson.
Sure, I skipped three meals a day but at least
I had my priorities straight.
I see these kids walking in front of me to school.
I see them, and they are zombies.
Blank faces, I doubt they’ve slept,
Probably up all night doing that essay
They forgot to do because their parents
Asked them to […]
Tonight is going to be hard. I stayed the past two nights at my moms best friends house who is considered my “Aunt” so I call her my aunt and her brother and sister in law came over for the first time in years along with both their sons. Me and her nephew, Brandon used to have a this thing together not a relationship but just a closeness and I haven’t seen him in 3 years. I had 24 hour with him and those 24 hours are going to effect me for the rest of the week and maybe even more. He is the first […]
Things falling apart for me: Not getting paid from 2nd job unless I get a Chase account, that I can’t get due to horrible credit score. Main job has to switch payment system so there could be a huge 3 week interruption. This leave me with $0 to live on. Can’t rent a place now!!!
Things fall apart for Man of My Dreams: his life long disability that he has received from birth suddenly gets cut off without warning or reason. He will be homeless and I don’t have a place to offer him, and can’t get a place with my jobs unable to pay me. […]
Not for me but my friend. He has passed. Taken his own life. I was emailed the news. Horror filled me. I fell to my knees and wept. I was lone and still I buried my face into my hands to hide my sorrow. I felt the pressure build inside my head, my stomach turned. He knew that I loved him. I don’t have to regret him not knowing. I never left him. Never gave up on him. It wasn’t enough. His demons were ruthless and unrelenting.
He was hurt over and over again by the people who should have been his protection. I feel numb, […]
So I experienced a massive cardiac episode two years ago last May. My arteries in my chest literally tore themselves apart. I was on the table for ten hours, I was cliniy dead for half an hour during that time, no brain activity, no machine, 42deg and dead.
It was nice, I have had major depression for more than ten years. I have horrible paranoia of my wife who is 2000 miles away and I can’t control these horrible emotional outbursts anymore. I am a horrible person sometimes and I can only sit in the back of my head and watch the pain it causes.
I am […]
Sometimes I’d just like someone to listen and not judge. I may be crazy but this is tearing me apart. My fiancee, his ex-girlfriend keeps finding a way to bring herself into our relationship. And it’s not even her doing it. You see when I first got with my fiancee, all he did was talk about her.. but I could understand that because they had been together for five years.. He then stopped talking about her when he figured out it bothered me. He now, never speaks of her or anything affiliated with her. It could be because I’m human and overthink […]
I used to believe in God but I sat down and really thought about it and the concept of heaven and hell just seem too fairy tale-ish to me. But does anyone know the point of life? What is the reason for us being here? It seems like it’s money for a lot of people. And that’s why I want to go. Whether or not God stated it,”The love of money is the root of all evil” is definitely the truth. I see it in on my family’s faces. In the news. On the streets. The desire of money is completely taking the humanity out of […]
Tomorrow, my boyfriend leaves for college. I don’t know if I can handle it. I figured out how to beat depression by myself just so I could date him. If it wasn’t for him, I would definitely be dead right now. But, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle him not being here. I don’t want to relapse, it’s been 9 months. I feel pathetic, feeling like I could fall apart over a boy. I feel pathetic, feeling like I could fall apart over a boy who’s only moving 45 minutes away.
So you see, I used to have this boyfriend. He was practically my savior. He was the reason I didn’t commit suicide the first time. But he was one of a kind. He took interest in what I liked, he always supported me. He never pressured me and he was fun. He not once mentioned anything passed kissing so it never got awkward between us. He legitimately cared. Then one day he tells me he has to break up with me cuz of his father. Now here’s my problem. Everything reminds me of him and I still love him and miss him. All week I’ve […]
*this poem is in a book i read its called wattpad love i wanted to share it*
The Girl and the Shark
Once upon a time, in the middle of the
[…]
I woke up focused on purging the pain. Spent all day in the hills trying to find peace. Came back to my little cottage that reeks of death. Cried and punched the wall till my wrist got sprained. Bottle of liquor and a handful of toxic killers. Just looking at them and crying. Their punget smell just painted a horrific spectre of death. I just couldn’t do it. Whoever said suicide is the easy way out deserves to go to hell. I just feel so alone and torn apart from the inside. I don’t know what else to do.
I’ve never wanted to kill myself more in my life.
I just feel like a giant roadblock in everyone’s way. My stress is tearing my body apart and we can’t afford insurance for medical care so that’s just another burden on my family. I feel like a waste of life and space and money and energy. I want to disappear. Run away. Die.
Just be out of the lives and out of the way of the ones I love.
After all, they’re going places and I’m not. I’m just dead weight.
My doctor told me he can’t help me by himself. Meaning he wants me to go to somebody else… The problem with that is I hate talking and I don’t trust people so easily plus I don’t have insurance so my doctor gives me a deal when I go for a check up. There’s barely any groups around me its just frustrating he won’t see me again until I go and see someone else and he gets their opinion. Problem is he also won’t refill my medicine one day without Paxil after on it forever tears me apart from the inside out.