I’ve been hurt so much. Why do people have to do this to me. Bronwyn weeks and amber simkins. I hate you for what you have done to me. I’m scared of going back to school incase I hurt them, I’m terrible with words and I have so much anger inside me that I’m scared if they come up to me and start bullying me I’m going to really hurt them. How can I stop myself from doing this? I will literally kill them.
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Back To School
I have a good life but since elementary school I was always determined to kill myself before I grew up. In September I turn 20. I still sleep with my baby blanket and have never been kissed and here I am turning 20. In May I told my parents I was planning on killing myself. Summer is almost over and my councilor is trying to make me promise to forget suicide but I can only imagine postponing it till December. I was to kill myself when the weather isn’t 100 degrees outside but at the same time I don’t want to spend 6,000 dollars going […]
Today was the first time that I ever tried to skip school. I’ve been so depressed lately, so I decided that I was going to take a nice break. I was going to go on a train downtown, watch a movie, get something nice for lunch, and I had an elaborate plan worked out that almost worked… until my mom saw me on the way there. I wound up being taken back to school and got sent to the guidance counsellor’s office where I, wisely I may add, did not admit to any suicidal thoughts. Believe me, though, when I say that killing myself right now […]
I don’t know what it is, but there’s this weird feeling in my chest. It’s painful. But no like physically painful, just painful. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am afraid to die, but I don’t have help. There is no way I can ever get better. Well, I don’t know how to start. It’s never been this bad before. Never. And it’s like I wanted to come back to school, because i thought it was going to be easier, but it’s not. I can’t be at home. I can’t be at school. I don’t have anywhere to go. I’m lost.
I wish […]
I go back to school tomorrow, and im so freaked out. Im practically having panic attacks. Im just scared because i go to an all boys school yet you would think its more like an all girls school, so much bitching and stabbing in the back goes on, and i have no friends, i get called gay by everyone, and every single little action i make, including eating ice-cream makes me gay. And now that im in year 9, everyone is getting worse, now any nice people are just being impossible. I wish i wasnt so mature sometimes, it just makes life more difficult -_-‘
I have decided not to sleep in today, mainly because mom and dad won’t let me. I have to go every day like a good little boy, or I will only get more depressed. I’m not actively suicidal at the moment… but I’ll see how I’m doing after the one teacher nags me to do the work I don’t care enough to do. Then there’s the major assignment I have to ask for a 1 week extension on, so double doody today! At least with the French assignment, though, everyone used Google Translate, so my crud won’t stand out after I half-ass it.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost and it’s such a long story I don’t know where to begin. There’s this boy and I’ve known him for a little over a year now. We became very fast friends and I told him everything. The first day we ever really talked I told him everything. I was sexually abused as a child, I was raped multiple times by a man I called my grandfather. He told me his life story, his troubled past with his parents, his horrible past relationship. We talked every day, all day. I moved to his city and got […]
I knew this would happen, I fucking knew it. Promises don’t count once the relationship ends, do they?
I promised Luis then when this time came I wouldn’t kill myself. But I really can’t take this anymore, Today was the first day back to school and the first thing to happen was one of my really bad headaches. :I Then during second lesson and break I felt a mental breakdown coming. What pushed it over the edge was an email from a ‘Friend’ saying that he didn’t want to deal with a suicidal friend. Which is nice. And now.. Well, I’m fucking suicidal. I just don’t […]
School is almost the day after tomorrow. I haven’t finished my homework and I am stressing.
Yesterday I fell into a random little depressed state where I couldn’t sleep or speak to anyone. This morning my sister went to the family counselor about her cycling coach who ended up being a perverted pedophile. She’s now pressing charges. While they were gone I was lying in bed thinking. I was thinking about what would happen if I overdosed while they were out or if I cut my wrists and didn’t stop bleeding until I was dead. The urge was the greatest it had been in a while.
I […]
I HATE THIS. I feel so many things, and at the same time I feel nothing. I spend part of my day believing that everything will turn out alright, and I spend the other part wondering how I can even fathom waking up tomorrow. I’ve managed to turn my life upside down (feel free to have a look at previous posts for something of an explanation, if you really care). I’ve hurt one of the people I love and need most. Not that she knows how much I need her in my life. She said I keep too much to myself, that I’m too secretive. […]
So, my problem may seem stupid to everyone, but its something that has been bothering me for a long time. My best friend… I guess former best friend and I have always fought since about a year after I met him (which was 4 years ago). We had a ton in common back then, and have changed since then and are pretty different now. However, we have always remained great friends minus the fighting all the time. Which, I may say, a lot of the fighting has been my fault as much as his. But, a few weeks ago, it got really bad. He started […]
I really don’t know why I should live and suffer? My life is hoepless. People say we shouldn’t kill ourselves cause the ones who love us would be sad, but I don’t need to worry about that, I’ve got no family, I don’t have any friends, and I’ve never been in love. I’m sure nobody will be sad if I die. I’m poor educated, and too old and too poor to go back to school. And of course, my job is not the good reason to live, it doesn’t give me satisfaction. and I’m middle aged and very sick, I’ve got no chance to have […]