I would smile to friends and family for the longest time. I would smile like nothing was wrong to keep people away from asking whats wrong. I kept that smile up for the people who thought my life was perfect. Nobody knew the pain N suffering I had to go through to get to where I am now. I’ve walked a thin line from never getting caught to hey what happens if I get caught. During that time I was N still am suffering from PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks, and mood disorder. I watched a family member do things to me that I should […]
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A child alive,happy
A beautiful child to love
A child corrupt,in tiny increments
What made her trample childhood
She tore it from herself ,it was constricting
She threw it away,then came back to burn it
Be Gone forever,for no good reason
She broke their hearts,she broke the window
She fled their eyes,their words,their love
She cut herself on the shattered glass,stepping through
The first cut of thousands to come,she glanced back
Her childhood still smouldering ruin,she ran into night
Trailing disregard ,reckless abandonment
Her first victim,her favorite victim
Herself
I was doing ok for a little while. I’m finding myself becoming more scatter brained and slowly relapsing back into my depressive state. I’m becoming angry with people I shouldn’t, missing people that don’t miss me, and loving people that don’t love back. I can’t seem to find a balance….this balance they all speak of.
And at the end of the day I hate the fact I lived through it.
I love this girl and we recently got together and she loved me as much as I loved her, but a week ago she tells me to go to here house. Alone, So I did and she told me that she wanted a “Open Relationship” where she can go explore the world but still have me in her life.. It makes me feel kind of used but I don’t know I want to keep it the same, she still kisses me and stuff… but she told me the other day that she liked this guy…. and I almost lost it, like 2 days after we, […]
I shouldn’t be jealous
i shouldn’t be annoying
i shouldn’t ask questions
i shouldn’t be concerned about anything
I shouldn’t care
i should go back to how I used to be
i need to be normal
i need to be happy
i need to improve on my communication skills
but why can’t I just be me?
Will S.P.s resident Hamster Hole Extraordinaire “Thanatos” persue his newly discovered RAW GENIUS rap skills and TASTY hard-hitting lyrics all the way to the TOP? Recent Vegetable HATE themed slurs and Hard-Hitting innuendo about “Peacenicks” and “Treehuggers” are igniting flames of controversy.The word in the SP backalleys, among the gallows-humor Elite ,and the UltraNeurotic underground IS that EVERYBODYS favorite GrumpyGus is just engaging in some diversionary Shit talking BECAUSE of a contentious story with several conflicting versions.Our most reliable source tell us:T-Hampster(still ironing out the rap name…T-Hole? Are you creative?-postt all your great ideas!)) He was sexually assaulted while hiking naked with nothing but a […]
I have worked my stinky little self hard trying to “make it.” Now, I can’t take it anymore. I’m too old. late thirties. The ridicule I get everywhere I go. And I am female so men make sure I know how they feel about nasty women. I am infamous. I smell bad no matter what I do. (Yes, I shower. No I don’t have BV, VD, etc. No one gets close enough to pass me those gifts.) I thought it would go away one day via diet, doctors, etc. Nothing has helped. After 20 years, since puberty, I give up that dream.
I have learned to accept the constant […]
Earth-shack up in New-Mexico. Meet me up, twist-plot our next move. Go north, perhaps. We, the good vagabond.*
by Bisban
written by Bisban
A “Solar Kiva.” An earth-shack, two States over from SoCal.
Can we survive the summer in Taos.
The UV radiation may be overwhelming.
There is nowhere to run. Somewhere to hide.
The moth smelled the blood. The blood.
Dead like the dead past. In transcendence.
Hell’s Satan is the root of our modern life.
Still small in time; the history of our modern human history.
Dead like the dead past. The crystal evolution.
The angels. God, the ancient alien.
The story. The cosmic-saddest, of all.
But our hearts, abyssal devoured. Our nature, a defect.
That is the story of “Man.” The devil has won since […]
I’m not really sure how to begin this, or I guess, really, how to say any of this.
My name is John, and my middle name is Ira. I’m 25 years old, and I feel utterly hopeless. I just stayed up all night, debating whether or not I would have the balls to do it. Now it is Saturday morning, and I am a fucking COWARD. I’ve never felt as sad, or alone or I fucking hate to admit this, misunderstood in my whole entire life.
I guess if worst comes to worst, there’s a secret, ashamed part of me that wants someone, anyone, I cared about, […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
The site says no hate, but there’s plenty of hate.
I hate being me. I hate existing. I hate living in this world. This trap.
I hate being alone, rejected, unable to live.
I hate that anyone pretends that things get better.
I hate that suicide is never an option.
I hate being forced to live when I know full well it is hopeless.
I don’t want this. I don’t want to sit here and struggle any longer. I don’t want to have to struggle my entire life. I just want to sit back and fade away.
I go to martial arts and I practice, fine. An hour of distractions while standing […]
“Away From The Sun”
by 3 Doors Down
It’s down to this
I’ve got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I’ve done
I miss the life
I miss the colours of the world
Can anyone tell where I am
‘Cause now again I’ve found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I’m so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again
I’m over this
I’m tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling’s gone
There’s nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I […]
Hey. Here goes.I did not want to talk about this to anyone ,because in my family no one understands ,its just the way they look at me when i try to talk to someone.Its that look ,when u feel,people are listening just because they have to,not because they want to… I was born in a family with rooted alcoholism.My mothers father was a heavyweight drinker and so was my father.So the fights,physical and psychological were on daily bases.I started to develop this person in my own world.i used to lock myself in my room,put my headphones on and got lost in music.I was talented musician.In […]
Well everybody has a story to tell, and I feel like I should probably put mine out there somewhere, if for nothing more than prosperity’s sake.
I guess my real story starts at age fifteen. I was a sophomore in high school. I never really had many friends, only one or two that I would call friends, and I never really had a girlfriend, even though I was always told by the girls that I was good looking, I guess my personality just wasn’t what they wanted as I tended to be quiet, and introverted. One day I found myself sitting next to a pretty girl […]
That’s how long she’ll be in England for her internship. Just why. Every freaking time we went jogging it was more fun; and today was so great too, we ran together the whole time and laughed and had fun. And afterwards when I said goodbye and wished her luck for her trip I asked whether she was going to go jogging with us again when she’s back from England. She said “yes, probably” and that it’s 12 weeks until she’ll be back, as if she was expecting me to ask for her number or email or anything so we could talk or chat when she’s […]
I have been self harming for the last past four years and have been asking for help but no one wants to know so there fore tonight maybe the night I take my life I can not cope no more my life has turned upside down and need help coming back onto my feet but no one is willing to help me so y should I help myself.
I was happy everyday I would be happy playing with my friends and family then things changed I went into care and I just felt so lost???? I didn’t know what to do I was in year 5 when I begun cutting it tore my family apart and they would check my arms for cuts they wouldn’t check my legs though in year 6 things became a lot better I was bullied for a while though in year 7 my depression took over I would cut until my arms and legs were red I smoked and did some drugs I didn’t know how to stop […]
254.
Two hundred fifty four days since I first made my decision. I went out that day with my rope to a nature trail that is rarely used nearby my work. One solid tree in the secluded woods was all I wanted. It was my birthday. I began walking down the trail, but slipped at the end of a wooden bridge, wet with the Autumn rain. I touched my head. Blood.
Weighing my options, I pulled myself up and headed back to my car. Where I fell was clearly visible by a nearby parking lot, so instead of risking the possibility that anyone that might have seen […]
nothing is the same im fighting for controle im sick to my gut i need a joint im hot and sweating and for what… for love the most beautiful thing in the world yet when it even stagers form the tracks it hurts its worth it i know it is i feel like shit i feel sick i feel so fucking alone why WHY ITS NOT RIGHT iv put so much in to so meny people and this is what i get out of it a life that with out one person in it will end up back were it was why i dont know […]
I fell in love at the wrong time. Sometimes, yes, id love a rewind. I say all the bad made me good. But now it’s just bad. And Im bad. I dont trust anyone anymore, im falling away from them on purpose. Too scared of myself to let others in. A feeling akin to a state of dreaming, but Im awake. I feel submerged under water, I like it because nothing can sink as far as I have. Solitude is heaven. Im trying to start anew but everything is too wound up to undo. All I’ve got to trust are my subconscious thoughts.