Up until recently I’ve been a pretty normal person, I don’t think anyone would suspect that I’ve been having frequent thoughts of suicide. I try my best to hide it and to act happy around people, but every now and then I just can’t. I like to be alone more often than not and when I am with people it’s hard to enjoy myself. I find myself faking a smile or laughing just so I’m not the only one not laughing. It’s as if I don’t have feelings anymore, I can’t feel any emotion, I just feel depressed, which I guess could be considered an […]
Tag:
Bad Habit
I just don’t know what happens to me sometimes, it is strange. I start saying things that I really shouldn’t say, I ruin everything around me because of this terrible habit. I don’t want to do it, it’s just like it takes me over and I start doing stupid fucking shit. And I can only watch as everything breaks down. It ruined so many things, it just makes everything so awkward. I don’t want to do it and yet it happens. I’ve had to explain many weird messages send to random people in the middle of the night. I’d usually say I was drunk, but […]
I am over 50 years old. I’ve thought about suicide since I was 13. I have made attempts to end my life more than a couple times. The thoughts, planning, and so on have been so much a part of my mentality, I believe it has become a bad habit, habitual though process. The last stint of actively engaging in therapy my goal was to get new thoughts. I’ve tried. Truly I have tried to get along in the land of the living. When I make an attempt to interact / communicate with my loved ones, I continue to fall short – and immediately go […]
Im just so fucking scared that I will fail. I dont want to fail. And since I’m one of the worlds biggest failures there’s a big possibility that I will.
So I forgot to close out this website before letting my mom borrow my computer. I don’t want to talk to her about it. Why? Because there is no communicating with her. I’ve tried before. -chuckles- You know what she said? “If you do it don’t do it here”. Like that is going to make me open up to her. I wont say I HATE my mother, cause I don’t except when I’m mad lol but I do dislike her ALOT. I just don’t understand why people are so blind. I’m not perfect. There I said it. But I am trying to work on myself […]