yeah nothing has gotten better ever since i finally listened to what she told me and left her a lone. i got accused for a lot of things, a harraser, a stalker, just a complete jerk for something that my heart was telling me to do. which at that point i feel like i can never trust my heart again.. i tried going out there and finding someone to replace her i really did but no one is like her and no one will ever be like her… im depressed and i miss her so much but its always in my head that she never […]
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Bad Person
it`s my dad`s death anniversary. I`m adopted. And my real dad…well, it`s his death anniversary tonight he killed himself in front of me. my dad, he shot himself. in front of me. When i was 12. Nothing much happened for awhile, I guess it needed some time to sink in. Then when i turned 15, i got hospitalized like 3 times for attempted suicide that year. There was nothing i wanted more than to just die and i was so mad cuz they wouldn`t let me. You know how it feels when everyone`s secretly blaming me…the kind of blame where no one really says anything […]
This is going to be more of a rant really. Knowing me, a long(-ish?) post. My apologies (If anyone even goes on to read this) for probably many clichés and awful English. Apparently I’m a fairly good writer. Pah, I wonder who’d still think that after reading my journals? No, I think that people on here and around me are just kinder than I deserve. My friends deserve so much more than me (I’m sorry…).
But yeah, ‘what a surprise’. Choose to die. Fail. Find more reliable ways to die. Fail. Set a date: 101252. Ooh, what a shocker – fail. What’s my freaking problem this time? […]
That is how I feel. I can’t believe I’m actually at a site like this but it’s getting worse. I’ve long felt I was depressed (my entire life), but this is the first time I’ve actually called it quits. I love life and the experiences of living, I just hate my own life and would wish it upon nobody. I think the only reason why I haven’t succeeded in killing myself is because of one relative in my life.  I have to outlive them. But once they go, my expiration will be soon after. Probably the same day.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in my life with the […]
I don’t want to live anymore, it’s that simple…
I am a dreamer, and throughout difficult times in my life, I always had this light pulling me toward better days.
I am now 35, depression has always been a part of my life, and I am feeling exhausted.
I lost everything, I am left with nothing. Building my life again would take me an incredible amount of strength that I do not have at this point.
I know what is the core of my endless suffering: I simply need love. But that cannot be done consciously, and when I have truly loved, I have always lost. I cannot keep […]
Well, I feel no reason to live. I have my dreams. They’re unattainable. Everything else is suffering. I’m thrilled by the idea that I can simply stop it all by putting a gun against my head and ending it all instantly. No more pain no more suffering. Why do we exist? It wouldn’t matter if we didn’t exist because we weren’t able to think before we were alive. If were dead, it’ll be the same. So, logically if i don’t believe in God the literally logical thing to do is put a bullet in my brain. All suffering eliminated and I can’t think anymore to […]
im not a bad person why does nobody treat me with respect, the only thing i ever do is try and help people and i get hurt for it im failing in college and i cant catch up im realy not in the mood for living right now maybe the next lifetime
people dont seem to like me all i get is grief and insults people prejudging me thinking you wont like this its not your thing, how would you know are you inside my head and if you are howcome your not as confused as i am all i wanted was to be a policeman […]
 I have a house and a family, enough money to live on, a nice school, quite a few friends. Why then am I still not happy? Am I selfish? Or greedy? Or arragont enough to think I am better than other people?
I do not think I am selfish, I may be wrong, or greedy or arragont. I do not think I am better than any one else. On the whole I think I am much worse. I do not deserve the many good things I have, a family and such amazing friends as the ones I have.
Since I was aged 8 and lost my Gran to […]
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