My mom always says she loves. I can beleive that but I dont beleive is that she wants. Neither does my dad, my stepfather, or anyone who says the love me. I just cant take it any more. My mom always sides with my sister. Just because she cant get over any thing I’ve done. She is part of the reason I feel so horrible about my life. Because she thinks that making me feel bad will make my sister feel better.
Tag:
bad
It’s terrible when you’re walking down the street, or simply talking to someone, and suddenly you can feel like you can’t hold back your tears anymore. You start crying and you don’t know why. Everybody stares and asks what’s wrong and you can’t answer their question. There’s nothing wrong, nothing bad is happening and you have everything anyone could ever ask for. And yet you don’t feel happy.
Ever wish that one day something would happen. Something bad. Like a car crash, being murdered, a heart attack anything that would kill you. So you yourself wouldnt have to commit the deed of killing yourself. Sometimes i just want to be gone i just want to quit life and be for ever at rest. I really dont know if im cut of for this “life” thing. Sometimes i just wish…
We have ‘friends’ but we’re all alone. Look next to you. What is there? An animal? A stuffed toy? A jornal? A living being? No. Log into your ‘Facebook’ or another social media. You have friends, followers, and others. They say “We’ll catch you if you fall!” but will they? Are they real? We are all alone. Just accept it. We have friends they are not real. They only use you. If you have a true friend make them prove it. Make them prove that it’s not just you. Say your having a bad day. All of the pressure of you wanting to end your […]
Well, for some unknown reason I am just so deeply sad tonight and the tears are flowing. I am leaving early tomorrow morning to make the 5 hour drive from PHX to L.A.  ….. Perhaps I should just keep on driving and make that visit to the GGB………yep…..it’s a bad one tonight….where is the positive energy I’ve been trying to offer on SP…..it sure isn’t with me tonight.
It’s been while since last post. I have been trying to keep myself a little hope that everything goes better but it is just fucking big lie. I dont know anymore who I am . Feels just whole time that this is a nightmare. Back in time I was very socially but now just shy and most likely I just want to be in home where I am safe but same time afraid. when i look outside of window for people’s talking each other or running all over the places i Think how they survives whit black in their mind’s and why i just get […]
My depression has been beyond bad for the past two weeks. I don’t think there’s been more than a 3 hour period where I didn’t think about ending it…ending life. And today, I’ve hit a new low. Not only did I make a mistake that I don’t remember doing, I’m being fired for it. I lost my job that provided my housing and most of my food. I now have to tell my bosses at my other job how much of a screw-up I am and move back home to face my parents. In my family, you don’t quit and you do everything 1000% to […]
okay, still i dont see the big fucking deal with me posting a pic on here when i see others doing it too. but il try to explain myself in much better detail so you can fuckin understand.
lets see, i was bullied all my life about how i look. i was always told to kill myself. told i was to fat to ugly. not good enough. i was verbally abused by my parents for years. telling me i couldnt eat. id just get fatter. this drove me insane. by 7th grade i stopped eating, my parents were pissed that i chose not so i […]
Hope all of you are able to have a good day today. I’m going to try to act normal as my mother is already in a bad mood for some reason and I’m in a bad mood and if I show any sign of anger I get chewed out.
anyway, to those of you whose mother’s have passed, rest in peace and I hope you can find some joy in the day.
I don’t even know how many suicide attempts i’ve had, it only makes things worse when you don’t succeed.
People want to know why, you get sent to specialists and quite frankly, they’re a load of horse sh*t, putting faith in these people isn’t something i feel comfortable with, they don’t want to give you medication and when they do, they give you the wrong one, or they neglect to tell you that it’s addictive.
Right now i’ve got some anti anxiety medication, it’s started to kick in but the only thing it has done is make me want to clean, then  get stressed about mess, i’m […]
I’ve been depressed ever since I was a kid, and I have a family history of suicide, depression, bipolar disorder, and mental breakdowns (although fortunately, no schizophrenia). I’ve just recently graduated from college and have been in the “working world” for two years.
A few things I’ve learned in my 25 years of living:
No one truly has your interests at heart but you, so “look out for number one”. Just plan on other people letting you down, because they always will.
Most people are incredibly stupid, have half-thought out opinions, are irredeemably wrong about just about everything, have no interest in discovering/creating a consistent worldview/weltanschauung, and are […]
You know what I hate so much? When people know that a person is suicidal, self harming, or even really just feeling down, and some asshole thinks it’s alright to push it even deeper. When I was in 7th grade, I was suicidal. This girl was talking shit behind my back about how she was only pretending to be my friend. That- ugh! It’s horrible! Even now, I’m dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and anxiety. And I still get that kind of bullshit! My cousin, knows that it irritates me when he hits me. He hits me on my upper arm, which is […]
Lately for about 1month and a half I’ve been feeling really disgusted with myself. Nothing about me pleases me. I think I really hate myself . I’m really fat and really ugly at least thats what I think. My friends and family think otherwise but no one actually understands me. Â If im not a hungry kid in africa or I can walk move and do other things most people can’t do I cant have no type of problems. Â I know I can try to change how look but its a lot harder then you expect. Â I can’t stand to look in the mirror it hurts […]
I would really appreciate it if you took the time to read this and hopefully leave a comment suggesting what i should do.
So, me and this guy we were in a relationship for about 2 months, the shortest relationship ive had in all honesty. The relationship was amazing and i fell for him so hard so quickly, and then he left without an explanation. However, he never actually left, we still contact each other every day and we speak like we used to. Even though we’re not in a relationship it feels like we are. He told me that the reason […]
Its coming up to 4-years sense we lost you bro I miss you so much, So much as happened in that time most off it as been for the bad after you died watching you take your last breath killed me inside.  it was not long before you Nan and Granddad went I’ve lost so many loved ones I could no longer cope with day to day I lost so much my job my home most off my mates don’t want know anymore and the man I was meant to marry but life like that it gives and takes just seems it takes more […]
I’m just so fucking confused. Where do I fit in life. I’m a 15 year old girl. I have no more friends my grades are horrible and I have developed bad socail anxiety. I feel like I can’t be myself around people. I’m just trapped in what people expect me to be. I’m so tired of being a dissapointment just because I want to be me. Now I just turn into a different person around people to please them and I’m tierd of it. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and after highschool my grades aren’t good enough to go […]
it’s an interesting genre of music, but this is my favorite song within it.
As a sufferer of bad GAD and social anxiety, having to ride the bus out to college was extremely stressful and at times distressing as my anxiety would flare up real bad. But this song helped me at least enjoy the view out the window in the early morning with the sun painting the sky a brilliant orange. Unless it was winter. Then the sky was shitty and black.
Lol, well, I hope you at least enjoy this song.
like fighting fire with fire
I love this song. Always on repeat when I’m in one of my bad moods. (He swears, so if you’re offended by that then look away :P)
I am really feeling miserable. I have just divorced and found a gf whom I really
Love. She is so cute at times and sweet at times. But she is so self centre and thinks whatever she have done is right. She love to deny the facts and shout at me with serious attitude problem. Most upset is she like to be uncontactble, likes to hang the phone and likes to Mia when quarrel. I have some bad debts with me due to first marriage. I hope to have someone to enlighten me, I always burst out crying with the state I am in and […]
Dear life, I am tired of being afraid.
I don’t care about anything anymore. It’s all just pointless now. I don’t care about life, about the future, about death, nothing. I gave up a long time ago. I guess if you immerse yourself in enough pain you eventually stop feeling it. But the problem is that I still do feel. It would all just be easier if I ended it all, but somehow I can’t get any access to anything lethal. I thought that all of this would eventually end when things got too bad to bear, but every time I hit rock bottom, somehow I […]