Know Thyself

I’ve been depressed ever since I was a kid, and I have a family history of suicide, depression, bipolar disorder, and mental breakdowns (although fortunately, no schizophrenia).  I’ve just recently graduated from college and have been in the “working world” for two years.

A few things I’ve learned in my 25 years of living:

1. No one truly has your interests at heart but you, so “look out for number one”.  Just plan on other people letting you down, because they always will.
2. Most people are incredibly stupid, have half-thought out opinions, are irredeemably wrong about just about everything, have no interest in discovering/creating a consistent worldview/weltanschauung, and are motivated by feeling more than thought.
3. These stupid people who don’t care about you are more than happy to give you advice about how you should be living your life, and will take any available opportunity to make you feel bad about going against the status quo.
4. Stress triggers my depression/suicidal thoughts more than anything else.

When I was working towards my accounting degree in college, the students were under a great deal of pressure to become CPAs.  Being a CPA is an incredibly stressful job, and for this reason has high rates of substance abuse (this may sound funny to most people — “A stressed out accountant? How hard can accounting be?” — it turns out it can be very hard).  Fortunately I had enough self-awareness to realize that this level of stress was not something I wanted to sign up for for the rest of my life, so I have opted not to become a CPA, and have settled for lower paying jobs.  Because of this choice, during my last year as an accounting major I was treated as a pariah by my fellow students and professors.  Not being driven to be a rich, stressed out, uppity bastard turned me into the town heretic—and people just couldn’t understand. I decided to go my own way, against what everyone else had recommended, and so far things have basically worked out (and many of my CPA friends now have substance abuse problems).

Another thing that society tries very hard to pressure people into is having kids and/or having a “significant other”.  I fully realize that as bad as my life is, having children will only make it worse.  Much, much worse.  I already have enough stress, thank you.  I’m also one of those “weird” people who has no interest in “relationships”; I really like being left alone (my sister thinks I may have some form of autism, which also runs in my family).  Whatever the case may be, a wife and kids would only add to the noise in my life.

But the point is, other people will always be trying to tell you what to do.   While some of their advice may be legitimate (i.e. don’t go driving on the wrong side of the road because you feel like it), vast swaths of their advice is bullshit.  Like the Oracle of Delphi says, “Know Thyself”.  I know that I’m already a depressing, suicidal person, but I know what triggers it, so I try to avoid the triggers.  I still could end up committing suicide someday, but if I let others have undue influence over my life, I know I would.  Life is not a game, so don’t let others play it for you.

Think for yourselves, and take care of yourselves.

“Only the guy who isn’t rowing has time to rock the boat.”

—Jean-Paul Sartre