It’s been about 9 months since I’ve posted anything. I wish I could say it’s because things have changed and gotten better, but that’s not the case. Things have gotten worse. I’ve started cutting. A lot. Very few people know. It’s easy for me to hide it because I do it on my thighs and stomach. The only person who knows that I know in real life, is my boyfriend. He has depression and has been through tough times too, but he’s never done anything like this. I feel bad, because I know I’m ruining my body for him, but I still can’t stop. It’s […]
Tag:
bad
I want it. I want it so bad today. More than I’ve ever wanted it. To take the pills. I want them all. A sweet, beautiful mixture. The one that can end it all. No more pain, no more stress, no more hurt. I want it. I want it all to be over. Do I reach for them? There they are so close at hand. I have the solution to all my problems yet I am afraid to solve them. Always wary of the end results. One day I won’t be. One day I’ll be brave and end it all. One day I’ll […]
I’ll admit it, I still think about her every day. I don’t want to. The memories are wrong, twisted. They don’t bring a smile, or a feeling of joy. They just bring me down. The happiest moments of my life, and they are all fake. Oh, at the time I didn’t know they were fake, but now I know. Lying in bed together, holding her as she fell asleep. The love I felt for her, the love she felt for me. The happiest moment. But it was a lie. There was no love from her, no feeling at all.
I burned whatever bridge was left […]
You want to be happy, don’t you?…do you?…do I?…perhaps…even then…(Questions for members)
by KIRA
written by KIRA
What if you had a perfect life?.I mean, what if you had the life you want?
Have you ever imagined your little perfect world?.You probably did.
What if you were happy?.I mean, most of the members (including myself) are always complaining about how bad their lives are, would you be able to manage a happy life?
Have you ever thought that unhappiness may suit you better than happiness?
You could have a happy life and feel like a wretch, happiness could drive you mad.
What if you were happy…and then, one day, you start thinking: Is this what I wanted so badly? doesn’t seem too […]
Sorting out my thoughts I guess, really hard to know what is what  anymore, am I just thinking this way cuz im angry or depressed or  is this what I really think. I question every thought i have anymore, I don’t trust myself to make many decisions anymore. Insomnia is kicking my ass . 2-3 hours sleep a day is really getting to me. Soon i will crash an sleep hours an hours. Obessessive thoughts and tourrettes syndrome is starting to get really bad to.
I have nightmares about my boyfriend , in them im trying to escape and hide from him. .. Guess cuz of all the […]
Just found out my psychiatrist(the one who helped me through my bad trip) killed himself,after being one of the top psychtrists in Sillicon Valley(Cali,look it up)
He was found selling drugs on the side even though he didn’t need too,He drove a rolyce rolce and lived in Monterey and had two offices in san jose and monetary what a world, what a world
My prayers go out to him and his family,he helped me very much
I feel this weird combination of hate and depression. I hate everyone else, yet I feel depressed every time I see them (my “friends”). What hurts me the most is the fact that nothing really really bad has happened to me, yet I feel very depressed and sad. I shouldn’t. There are people who are in a worst situation than me. But I can’t get over that feeling. I feel alone, yet maybe I’m not. Maybe I should be happy, but I don’t feel happy. I feel really sad.
I’ve been told like a million times things like “Get over it. I think you’re the one […]
I feel hopeless. I’m failing school, all my friends have turned on me and call me a liar. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I do nothing but cry all the time. I thought I was getting better but it came back. It always comes back; this hell. It gets in your head and makes you unable to cope. I started to self mutilate again, something I promised myself I would never do again. I was clean for months, since October. I know it’s getting really bad because I’m contemplating suicide again. I have it planned out, exactly what I would do and that scares […]
Lately a lot of things have been happing , i have the good moments and the bad moments. for some reason the only thing i worry about or pay attention to is the bad ones. Its gets all stuck in my head and cant get out ! I feel like its carved in my damn head !!
when im alone , or laying down after a bad day. Everything from that day that was bad hits me and thats all i can think about. And I begin t0 cry ! EVERY SINGLE TIME!
I’m a 13 year old girl in 8th grade and 2013 was a hard year for me along with the start of 2014. I had already had problems in my family before but all of this made it worse. My parents got divorced when I was 2 and while I was growing up, I was told that they just weren’t happy so it was the best thing for them to do. Around this time last year my grandma told me that my father had been cheating on my mom and got another women pregnant. I grew up thinking that my father was some great guy, […]
I no longer care if I live or die. Nothing matters much anymore. Not sure if this is good or bad, just really a fact I guess
It’s been almost 2 weeks since I stopped cutting, I was not that bad when I stopped that’s why I did, but I don’t think I’ve ever had this huge need to cut like I have right now, it’s getting really tough…I’m not sure I can continue like this, maybe I should continue doing it, nothing seems to care, I don’t even care so…
im so hurt im in so much pain, i can’t even think. i have to go do work all day and night. how can he hurt me so many times, so badly, and on purpose?!! how can he hurt me this much?! i really do hate my life. i loved him more than anything in the world. I’m miserable and heartbroken. you’re insane. i need to graduate. i have so much to do but all i want to do is be with him. i tried as hard as i possibly could with him. i feel so broken. how can he hurt me so bad.
my ex is right back at it again. Yesterday I was working in the fuel station, and apparently he kept telling customers and co-workers alike how horrible of a person I am. It got so bad that someone from the service desk called me down at the kiosk to warn me of what Alex was doing. shitty thing is, I can’t really do anything about it
Nobody tells the future. Â Futures don’t have infinite linearity to each distinctive, singular life. Â I have more future then past in my life right now. Â And they say . . . live for that. Â Truth be told, no – we can not undergo a set-in-stone determination of what the future will be. But the implications of life now can decide what the future might be like. Â Life is bad right now, driving me to the last of me, all done by my own hand. Â What makes it worse, is I can’t pick out any possibility for a future with a good outcome.
Quiero morir
Déjame ir
The saddest and most haunting feeling for me now is realizing that there is no afterlife, reincarnation or unconditional love waiting for me on the the other side. Â My consciousness will not go on, life will cease to exist. There is no explanation for all the challenges in life. The bad will go unpunished- no such thing as karma. Â It was all just a fairytale.. I feel deep sadness over this realization. There’s no where to go.
Hey.. so my doctor just put me on this a couple days ago. I’m not really sure what to think of it. It’s supposed to help me with my moods, but is primarily given for seizures (which i don’t have).
So far i’ve been very jittery and shaky on it. My anxiety is so high that i feel like i’m constantly having a panic attack ( how my heart feels).
I’m on a small dose to start.. 25mg.
Just curious if any of you have had any experience with this drug.. and what it’s done for you.. bad or good.
They tell me to ‘stay strong’ and they tell me that things get better but do they really? I’ve been told this saying for 4 years now and nothing has gotten any better for me. In those 4 years my dad left over summer and while he was gone he cheated on my mom. He’s back now. Shorty after my mom got rid of my two dogs that I loved so much because she said that I “didn’t care about them” well I did. I cried for days thinking about them. Then about a year after that bullying got bad for me, it was the worst year of my […]
well damn everything is falling in place now. i had some really bad troubles with ppl. and life and things have been really hard for me lately. to where i thought i really had no part in this world. but im moving i have a new guy im talking to and having fun with friends and stuff. life just threw me a curve ball. but it got back straight.
So lately all my friends want me to help them with relationships of their own. I don’t know all the answers sometime and thats what usually makes me feel bad. When i can’t find out how to help i feel bad i cry and just go on a rampage. One of my exs still a very good friend of mine started to tell me to focus on my own relationship. For some reason i never listened but now a days all i try and do is be there for them. But then my so called friends make me feel like crap cause im not helping […]