Would you come to my funeral? What thoughts would go through your head as you gazed at my cold, pale body? Would you feel bad about everything that you did? Would you miss me, years later when you’re married and have a family of your own, would you even remember my name? Would you cry for me? Do you miss me at all? Is there ever a piece of you that wishes you hadn’t made the decision to cut me out, freeze me out of your life? Will my name ever drift into your mind, years from now? Will you even know why?
Tag:
bad
I don’t understand
I say when you walked away
I thought you cared
I say when you turned your back on me
Why?
I ask when you don’t turn around
What did I do so bad to make you leave?
I yell when you have walked away
I love you
I whisper
But you never and won’t ever love me
I sit down and cry
You were there for me when no one else was
I am completely shocked
Wish you were here
I sigh and pick myself up
But you never were
I cut one more time
You were never really there
Hey.
I’m 23, trans, and recently diagnosed with thoracic and a rare cervical scoliosis. It’s not so extreme that it’s noticeable with clothes on but, in a way, that makes it worse. Without clothes it’s fairly easy to spot if you know what you’re looking for. I’ve known about the asymmetries for years, but I didn’t realise they were part of a  bigger problem, just “bad posture”. My parents never noticed it because I hid it (secretly I was ashamed of it). Everytime I brought it up with my parents they’d tell me “stop slouching over the computer” or “stop carrying heavy bags”–implying that I was […]
Well this is my story.
I’ve always had depression since I can remember. I never thought I had a chance at a regular life… I’ve had a pretty rough childhood and teenage life. It all started when I was 5. Something terrible happened to me and it changed me in so many ways. I’ve never been the same ever since.. I’ve been rapped multiple times and I’ve was beat growing up by my step father and when I was 14 I found out I was pregnant and my sons father always hit on me, choked me, and controlled me in every way possible. We stayed together […]
Well, turns out that I never got around to killing myself. There always seems to be something that stops me for a good day or two before the thoughts seem to flood back.
In the mean time, I feel like a horrible person because whenever I am honest to a mutual friend they turn their offense around on me and make me feel bad about myself. I know this isn’t fair, I know that I shouldn’t bother or care yet all I feel inside is that I am a bad person who makes other people angry, a problem – it’s one of my reasons to die.
Does anyone else ever put themselves in risky situations in hopes that they might be killed? Like walking at night hoping to get ran over or stabbed, or going hiking in an unknown area and you’re inexperienced, driving in bad weather, or do some extreme sport or activity. Anything that puts you at risk, because you feel like it would be better to get in an “accident” instead of committing suicide, which has so much stigma attached to it.
I do this, I find myself not caring if something happens to me. A lot of times IÂ hope something happens to me.
I’m bored. And that’s bad. There’s a blade in my room, but I’m not even sure I’m ok enough to try to move it away. I think I’ll just leave it where it is. Another thing, even after actually getting a full night’s sleep, I’m still hearing someone call my name, and no one’s around me.
I was born disabled. My disability is not something that can be seen physically, or even be cured medically. At first I didn’t recognize my differences from others. But all my life I have been feeling it, and even unconsciously struggling to mend it. I was so confused because I didn’t even understand what’s wrong with me. I thought by knowing what’s wrong with me, I could cure it. But I had never understood, so I gave up and started to accept that I would always be like this. Turn out, I was wrong and I was right. I was wrong because even knowing what’s […]
Every time I close my eyes I see my self doing something I can’t possibly imagine ever doing. It’s as if death is the only way I could ever become happier. Suicide is something I would always be afraid of. Not until this year did I ever imagine it would be possible and not until about last month did I ever actually try it. Sometimes I feel like pills and blades and alcohol are my only friends, until I wake up bleeding or not remembering anything I did. Granted, I do have friends and family who love me but there words of encouragement are sometimes […]
So I’m a 14 and a half y/0 boy who started this year alright, I had friends out of school, and I had friends in school, but they weren’t my real friends and I only hung out with them because I didn’t want to be the only kid in the library. This went on for a couple months and it wasn’t that bad… at around October, things went straight downhill. I started getting lots of pressure from my parents for school, and I was struggling really hard to get all my homework done and it wasn’t working out. I tried to make myself happier by […]
So I reply on bully posts often because I hate hate hate bullies. I dealt with them growing up and thought that in the mature world of adults that we would have moved on from this, but now I have a new bully. I didn’t realize until tonight. The first time we met I really believed that she was a ***** having a bad day. Now after she has apparently lied on me twice to my manager (my manager caught that), I no that she’s just simply got a problem with me. Of course I couldn’t care less if she likes me. However, if she […]
It really sucks when you attempt to kill yourself, or talk about killing yourself, you have to go stay in a psychiatric hospital for however long. I know that there are some facilities that are awesome and are really helpful, but it seems that most of them don’t do any good.
There you are at the lowest point in your life and absolutely miserable, and then you are forced to go stay at a hospital with all of your rights stripped away when really the best thing is for you to be in your home where you are comfortable and can go about your life.
When you’re […]
i dont think i should even feel so bad. but im deppresed. i feel like im falling falling or rolling downhill painfully and it sucks. i can barely avoid the thoughts of suicide, when im eating, with friends, trying to sleep or any other moment at all. i just cant keep them out. im so afraid ill start to like them and eventually ACTUALLY love the thought of death. whats barely holding me in place is a caring girlfriend, the knowledge that i CAN get better and the mere thought that im human and i can BE.
I can be used as a bad example
Every night, sleep is difficult. I feel so alone, which is probably the most ironic thing I’ve ever said, considering my brother is my roommate. But yeah, it’s just…impossible. It’s probably when I feel my most depressed, which is completely inexplicable, because during the day it’s pretty bad too. Bad enough to where I’m just…incapable of doing work, which somehow seems pretty nonsensical. I’m just like, “fuck this,” which is just about the ultimate recipe for failure.
I’d hang myself with a bed sheet if I knew how to properly tie a noose, and if I knew how to properly secure […]
Hi there everyone! my name is Katie and i recently just stumbled upon this place and i decide to make an account and tell you guys my story and maybe help someone who is in need of something like this ;P I’ve never done this before so give me some slack ^.^ Alright well the first part of my story starts when i was in 3rd grade. I was a bit chubby back then (still a bit now) and was pretty much the only chubby kid in my school my school was very small and was a traditional baptist church/school everyone new everyone. And you […]
It’s funny how one can want to die so badly, but want to live at the same time. I’ve been having a really hard time keeping my head out of the water. More so in the past few days than I have in the last month and a half. Usually, I manage to keep myself safe and not commit any rash decisions. I know my desire to die is impulsive. I know there’s no going back. I know it’s just an invasive thought that I’ll somehow manage to relegate to the back of my head eventually.
When it gets too intense I know what I need […]
I’ve read all the posts here and i can’t help but feel horrible. I feel stupid that i’m feeling this way when my life is actually okay.
i want the feeling to go away so bad because i’m not worthy of feeling depressed
i’m drunk as shit right  now, otherwise i wouldn’t be posting this. i want to end it all so bad but i can not because i don’t want to hurt my family and friends. first post to this site, feel free to comment whatever you like. i really want some help but don’t actually believe any of it exists  for me. sorry for the incoherent babble. if i was brave enough to post sober i would have.
if i just disappeared,
would you know?
would you care?
would you look for me there?
i know you would search,
you’d fail, but you’d try,
and you’d cry,
for this horrible loss,
of a shadow that lost
it’s battle with life,
i tried oh so hard,
but i failed,
life derailed,
down the suicide path,
it was painless and fast,
i didn’t want to last,
and now Im gone,
and you cry for me,
you cut deep,
and you weep,
and you lose lots of sleep,
but you slowly move on,
and you no longer care,
about the girl who should not have been […]