It’s been … Around 3 days since I stopped taking my medication.. I’ve been feeling really lightheaded throughout the day and I guess it’s something normal? I stopped because I dont think it’s doing any good to me or changing any thoughts of suicide and self harm. Of course my family and doctors don’t know that I’ve stopped, but my family has noticed me not feeling too good so I just told them the truth that I’ve been having some headaches and feeling lightheaded and whatnot but they don’t really give it too much thought. I’m going back to lying to my friends and family […]
Tag:
being alone
I always thought that the majority of my reasons is because of me… How broken and misserable i am… But now i realize… You are the reason why im completely broken and why im misserable…. Coz you’re a parasite… You suck me dry of my ambitions… How could i have energy to make my life better when each day you fill me with hate anger and resentments. I spend soooo much time with self pitty and crying. I spend so much energy pretending to be happy… And you know what… I cant pretend anymore… You wonder why i nag??? Well maybe coz the things you […]
I don’t know why I came here and decided to do this after all this time. Maybe I have just reached that point of desperation where I am looking for anything to make myself feel better.
It’s probably gonna be a long one, so don’t feel the need to read, this is just me venting.
I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I just cannot remember any point in my life where I was genuinely happy. I remember at about 8 years of age I used to come home from school and spend the rest of the evening alone, crying. I never […]
Hell, it’s corny as all fuck but I don’t care. Lately my personal situation has left me with more of a relation to Mr. Brightside than most songs. Well, that and a need to have one goddamn drink. Being alone sucks, but to know who you’d like to be spending time with is ignoring you, and is with their boyfriend just makes it that much worse. Experiencing one of the big depression symptoms which is… Any guesses? You Sir, You madam! You guessed it, lethargy. The girl’s out there doing God knows what for God knows what reason, and I’m sitting here talking about a […]
I was sad for a long time after being out of a 5 year relationship with a woman who I deeply loved. I still haven’t found anyone yet, not near who much I adored my ex. I’ve slept with other girls and went on plenty of dates where woman have been interested in me, but I didn’t feel anything. I went on anxiety medication which didn’t help. Running was my savior but with starting school again, I have been stressed which has led to me drinking again (running took me away from this and my depression). I really have nothing to be depressed about anymore. […]
It’s hard, being alone all the time. Even if I’m with someone physically I still feel alone.
Round and round it goes in my head. Can’t kill myself. Can’t do that to my family. I owe them everything, and it would destroy them.
But can’t go on living with this overwhelming sadness. Can’t keep going through the motions. Can’t keep pretending I have a life. Can’t stand this longing anymore. Can’t go on being alone, but can never feel any real connection with anyone. Can’t keep hating myself, but can’t be anything better, no mattter how hard I try. Can’t keep fighting a battle I’m never going to win. Can’t bear to be the one who everyone pities anymore, a worthless loser. Can’t […]
Just found this site and I need to rant. I’m a 19 year old male and I have nothing to live for. My close friends have left the state so I have pretty much no one anymore. I just lost another girl. Another girl who was raped. I’ve only had two girlfriends. The first ones brother raped her and took her virginity and she FORGAVE him. I’ll never understand how victims let that go. My cousin and my mom were also raped, so you could say it’s something I take seriously. I want them dead. But when I tell these girls that, somehow I’m overreacting. […]
I hate my life. I hate being alone. I hate people. I hate my face and my body. I hate that I’m not brave enough to kill myself.
Hi, I’m a visual novelist… well that what I was aiming to be.
People often tell you: ”With time you will get better.”
Well, I wonder and anyway… I don’t have the luxury to take my time. But before I tell you about my current situation let me give you a slice of my past.
At the age of 15 I moved away from my country and started to travel with my parents in a country where I couldn’t reach my friends.
Internet you say? Well there were 8 to 9hours of time difference between them and me and I didn’t have a computer so I could only go […]
I think if I didn’t have a mom and dad It would definitely be a lot easier to die. It must be a much harder choice for people who others rely on, how can you go through with it if you have kids? I’m lucky nobody relies on me, I’m only thinking how bad the effect will be on my parents who love me but don’t rely on me and actually want me to go live on my own now. How do I minimize the suffering death can cause? I’ve tried once before but I began thinking of my mom as an old lady with […]
I don’t consider myself as being mentally ill but doctors seem to think that suicidal people are just that. All I believe is that suicide is right for me and yet I will be considered mentally ill with being locked up as a possibility. I am not like an animal clinging onto life no matter what purely because of instinct; I am an intelligent human being that has come to believe suicide is right for me through logic and with thought. Life is meaningless at the best of times, others can’t see this because they have so much going on around them, I have little […]
moving from Ohio alone was something I had to do. I was going through a horrible depression and needed a fresh start. Living in Virginia with no family is hard sometimes but it’s something I feel is right for me At this time. My grandma lived here so I came to visit her in November of last year. It started as just a vist and I’m still here! She’s not though, she moved arcoss the country.. Now I’m with her sister whom I met when I got here. I’m 20, and alone basically. I’ve made a few friends here! Trying to find myself and who […]
I dont honestly know why im writing here for everyone to see, its not the kind of person i am to seek attention from anyone and that’s not really my intent. Ive had depression for majority of my life id say ever since high school with 3 attempts on my life however since then ive for the most part repressed as much as i could. I think im writing this literally to scream out my thoughts and how im feeling in the moment now and its just this overwhelming sense of helplessness and failure.
The Irony of this post is that i ‘should’ be okay, ive […]
I’m okay with that. If I can make peace with that, why the hell can’t any of my family members stop bugging me about being single? I know I haven’t dated anyone since 2012, but judging how things went then, being alone isn’t so bad. It’s not that I haven’t gotten over the last girl I dated, I just don’t feel the need to have all of the drama I had last time. I’m going to die in a month, so why the fuck does it matter?
The only reason I’m ranting about this is that I am currently visiting some family and my dad couldn’t […]
Day after day I sit in my room and watch the sunrise from my bed. Night after night I wake up to the sounds of my family getting ready for bed. I’m so afraid. I’m alone in every sense of the word, and it terrifies me. The fact that nobody will remember me after my inevitable death makes me sick. The fact that my family would only show up to my funeral because they have to nauseates me. The fact that I’m the one pushing people away makes me see red. I can’t understand my own emotions and the only thing I can think about is […]
I lay here all night and morning till the sun comes up. The light hurts my eyes now I’m so used to being alone in the dark and enjoying the quiet that I hate so much. It’s not that I like being alone it’s all I’m used to. How do you go about changing that? Make friends, get into a relationship, go outside and live a little? I can’t anymore, I’ve lost my connection with the rest of society it’s just me, my bed, and my thoughts. I don’t even want it to go away anymore I just want it to be quiet forever. I […]
I’m here because I don’t want to die. I want to believe that I have something to offer this world, and that my current suffering will lead to a day where I can turn it around and use it to help others. Thing is, I’ve been depressed my whole life. I feel like from the moment I was born, I was given a cluster of psychiatric diagnoses instead of a personality. I was a problem to be solved, not a person to be loved. I was not human; I was merely human labels. Autism at first, because I’d rock endlessly in place. Then bipolar, because […]
I guess it all started when I was sixteen; funny thinking how long ago it seems even though I’m only 20 now, Or maybe before. I was never happy as a kid, dad never around, mom always at work, an abusive grandfather. It was when I was sixteen that I decided to do something about it. I ran away. I ran away from Arizona and took the greyhound to long beach. I don’t know what my actual plan was once I got there but regardless everything went wrong. I ended up having to get surgery to save my life and spent almost the whole month […]
This is my second post on here. My first was a rant about my life. I just need a friend! Oh my god! I’m so sick of being lonely all the time. If I really pushed myself, I could get a job, stop being homeless, blah blah blah… but for what reason? I have nobody. Nobody cares. I cut myself, burn myself, drink to the point I pass out, and and I fucking hate myself so much.
I threw everything away and sacrificed college for a family that pushed me away. I lost my friends to my depression. I’ve tried replacing them with self harm and […]