pull up a chair, bring a six pack, and listen to my bullshit

Hey everyone. It’s good being back here. Possibly the only place (non-physical of course) I can share how I feel from my point of view with complete honesty and no negative repercussions. I know all of the people who read this post don’t give a flying fuck what a kid in Iowa’s going through, and I don’t blame you. Most of the time I just like to ignore it all and forget who I am, how pathetic my life is, and how useless it all is. Death is inevitable, the only thing that is a constantly changing variable between people is when they die, and how they die. If life was easy none of us would be here, we’d be out “there” taking advantage of all the things we now realize are so precious. This is going in a thousand different directions and I don’t care, freshman English teacher be damned. I don’t know who I am, or who stands with me. Most days I feel all alone, but that makes sense since I spend them holed up in my room or working at the golf course. My “friends” haven’t even tried to contact me for the last two weeks, and nobody noticed when I just disappeared from town for a few days. I don’t know why I’m sharing this here, hell I don’t know why I’m even here. I should be living my happy little life and going about it all as if nothing’s wrong as billions before me have, but hey, I got the short end of the stick, you know, the end that says “go fuck yourself” in big bold letters. I don’t have shit to ***** about, I have family, okay I don’t have friends, but I have work and that kinda fills that in. Don’t worry though, I’ll ***** about something anyways. I don’t understand why I try texting her anymore, there really isn’t a point to the whole damn thing. She dropped off the face of the fuckin’ earth apparently and so did all of my other “friends.” Fuck you smileemptysoul this ain’t about you this is about Little_Old_Me bailing on me. Hell, this is about the really fucking pathetic shit which is that I’m going to be alone on my birthday for the first time in my life. I know, I know,”who’s this dickhead complaining about being alone? Doesn’t he know others are too?” I do know, but the thing is, this is my post, my stupid rant, and goddammit if this isn’t my issue. My friends are gone, my family’s not gonna be here, and holy fuck I don’t have anyone else that’d even act like they care. For some clarification on some matters I have to say something. I have texted the friend I really want to talk to several different times during a two week period. The other friend, well he appears to dislike me now.