When you take your meds and yet the hills are lower but the valleys deeper, you just want to die.
Nobody understands and money only postpones the inevitable.
People can’t understand, and sometimes nor can I.
But the way life is I just want to die.
I have no hall nor gun and thus can’t commit this ‘crime’ but I do have a death wish and that is mine.
When the meds do nothing but society asks, that you still take them to be all “well”
But you know that death cannot come quick enough
Though I fear and dread it
It solves all ills
Tag:
Bipolar
Completely lost my identity to bipolar three years ago when my family pushed me into hospitalization and disability. had a shitty psychiatrist who overmedicated me to the point of not being able to function. so medicated that I couldn’t hold a job, lost three in one year. My career is over, as one of the jobs was in my career field and I was fired. I’ve tried 17 different medications. now i tried ECT and it has obliterated my short term memory and ability to feel anything. I have no desire to do anything at all. My mind […]
The shooting today.. 20 kids dead… 6 adults it brought up so many memories, that may have even no relation.
First the shock that someone can hurt kids so innocent.. then i remember my past 2 people hurt me.. when i was so young.. to innocent to protect myself. At their entire control, my life was basically in there hands…
Then i thought of how these kids would suffer 5-10 years from now. Like i do today, the symptoms of my PTSD have cause severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, psudo siezures, multiple persanality disorder, and bipolar. I agree some of these may not have been a direct result, […]
I’m 12. Freaking 12. And I have a suicide note written.
When I was 11, I fell into a depression. I wasn’t quite sure why, I guess my parents pissed me off too much. I couldn’t go a day without crying. Sure, call me a crybaby.
It was too much stress. I had projects due, tests upcoming, essays my dad forced me to write. I hyperventilated at least five times.
One day, I was printing out another essay when my dad was yelling at me in the other room. I looked down and saw the printer cord…and then suicide popped into my mind. Why not?
I wrapped the cord around my […]
I’m 17 years old and my mom is getting remarried for the 3rd time in 3 days. I hardly know the guy. He’s moving into our home and i’m  not thrilled. step parents always try and act like they’re your own parents and it’s bullshit. My dad is the only one who understands me. ONLY one.  He’s on drugs as always, who knows where.  I’ve had depression and wanted to kill myself ever since summer after 5th grade. I still don’t know what caused it. Probably just the manic depression,anxiety and bipolar that runs in both sides of my family finally kicked in my system. […]
I just spent 19 days inpatient and am likely going to go to partial next week. I have bipolar type 2 with psychosis. I was misdiagnosed as having major depressive disorder with generalized anxiety. I also have PTSD. Please, anyone who is considering suicide, get help. Get a diagnosis, get treatment. You are stronger than this.
Sigh. I get better then when I fall it’s worse than the previous worse of before if that makes any sense at all. My life is declining at a rapid rate, and I’m losing grip on myself, I know I’m going to slip very soon. My whole life, I’ve been helping other people, basically living for other people and that’s basically made me crack until now where I’ve crumbled. People expect me to be a certain way, shape me a way I can’t be shaped, and make me something I don’t want to be. I’m suppose to be perfection in an imperfect world and boy […]
The thought “I don’t want to do this anymore” has been plaguing me. As is my nature, I googled it and this page came up in my search results. Mortified as I was thinking that Google has somehow gained access to my thoughts, I registered.
I am at this very awful space in my life. I have an anxiety disorder, a strange kind because it manifests itself as physical ailments. Because I am constantly sick and my doctors (yes, plural) cannot find a cause for it, I have been labeled a hypochondriac. I have a touch of OCD and when I was younger I was able […]
I’m two faced, one good one bad. I hate it. I was suicidal, a smoker and an alcoholic for some time. Im only 13. I was in a hospital a few weeks ago for suicidal thoughts & attempts. I still hate myself, but I realize that if I commit suicide, I won’t ever rest. There, I met amazing people with problems. They made me stop hating myself by a little, and spending time around them helped give me a new insight to life.
My mom & I have never been on good terms, & when we finally were, I thought that now i could kill myself […]
When I was diagnosed bipolar in 2007, my life was greatly devastated. Since 2002 I was taking online screening for depression on a pretty often basis and finding I was considered “severley depressed.” Now I was being told that sometimes I’m extremely happy? When have I ever been happy? I was hospitalized for 3 days a day after the first Christmas my Grand-Mother passed away when I was diagnosed by this hospital as bipolar. I could understand if I may have falsey put on a smile when saying hello to a nurse in passing but, it doesn’t even sound logical that I was happy. I […]
I wrote on here the other day about my life has fallen apart completely. I feel completely hopeless and trapped inside my own head, and in the days since that post, I’ve gotten blackout drunk, stopped taking my bipolar meds and had random anonymous sex 2 nights in a row because I have no other way to escape the way I feel. I hate being sober because all I can do is obsess about how my meds aren’t working, about how I can’t seem to pull it together and find hope in anything, and about how the one person I’ve ever truly loved in life […]
The past 5 months have been the most miserable in my entire life. I’ve been through some really horrible things, but nothing compares to how I feel right now. After getting really depressed and having horrible anxiety attacks after my college graduation, I got physically sick, was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder, given anti-depressants that made me extremely ill, attempted suicide and landed in the psych ward. While in the psych ward, my boyfriend at the time completely stopped talking to me. I got out of the hospital, broke up with him, moved out of the country and started a new job, but got really, […]
Okay so I won’t tell you my name just incase someone reading this knows me. I randomly found this website just before searching up suicide things on google. Anyway I am a seventeen year old girl living in New Zealand. I have been diagnosed with depression by a doctor and people tell me all the time they think I suffer from other disorders like bipolar and OCD and others like that.
I have three half-brothers and one half-sister as well as a full sister. I have met two of my half-brothers about three time. My other half-brother and my half-sister don’t even know that I exist. […]
I’m fat, not got the prettiest hair, I’m being treated for acne. Usually these things blown out of porpotion is why I would be depressed right? I wish. I could diet, or get defrizzer or continue with my face gels. But whats the use? My “HOME” life is awful. There is no way to describe it. My dad is every bad word that exists. My mother is useless. My siblings all hate me. I hate my two little brothers because they mirror my dad. I hate my older sister for the pain she causes me, she torments me..shes 0 years old and can make me […]
I’m female, 33. Married, 3 kids (b13, g11, g9), 2 dogs..and a cat who thinks he’s god. I’m a childhood abuse survivor. Physical, sexual and emotional.it was done to me, primarily by my mother. Didn’t have any siblings, father wasn’t around. It seems the sexual abuse hurt the most, though I know the emotional is always there as well. It’s that voice in the back of my head telling me that I’m stupid, fat, ugly, lazy, no one wants me, I’ll never amount to anything. I’m worthless, horrible. I’m only good for sex.
I’ve been a full time student since 2009, but had a breakdown this […]
my favorite band motion city soundtrack has lyrics that everyone should consider;
“they say what doesnt kill us
MAKES US WHO WE ARE”
as much as we can all look at our ‘struggles’ and ‘disorders’ as something that defines us, dont let it. dont BE your disorder. dont let it ruin or run your life, from depression panic disorder, bipolar, ED, whatever. youre lettinng whatever created that disorder in the first place make you.
i know how hard it is, to make a conscience effort to just BE YOU everyday with the struggles of school, work, kids, significant others, family and the fucking economyy on […]
It’s hailing.
My parents left, they took my little brother again.
Last night I relapsed and my left thigh looks like plaid.
I’m scared.
I can’t not talk to anyone. But, no one really knows me here…
two weeks ago, 10/04.. My dad and I got in a fight about me getting glasses…
He got mad because I should have gotten them when everybody else in the family did. When I pointed out the fact that he bragged about his 20/20 vision for years, and yet he JUST got glasses in June. He hit me.. twice. When I tried to runaway he chased me then shoved me…. I filed a DCFS […]
So, my story continues. Â I’ve got spinal problems causing chronic pain which I have lived with for years, but there’s no cure. Â Just strong strong painkillers. Â I’ve got mental health ‘issues’, to put it nicely. Â I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, to treatment-resistant depression, OCD and PTSD. Â Borderline personality disorder tendancies, with obsessional-compulsive personality disorder. Â My current diagnonsense is Bipolar II with complex PTSD, chronic pain and chronic suicidal ideation.
Recently though, this chronic level of suicidal thinking has escalated into something much deeper and darker. Â I am back to believing that things definitively cannot get better; I cannot get better as I am so […]
The day embarked with a feeling of happiness. One of those days where you just wake up and you know *i’m happy*. It’s continuous but seems to last for seconds when it lasts about a day. You’re the quintessence of happiness. When your busy day of running around and trying to stay away from your house ends, you must go “home”. Their your parents scream and yell, no silence but in your own thoughts. However your thoughts tend to be pessimistic, annoyingly so. Because you grew up without a sense self-worthiness. But life goes on and you walk to school everyday, plodding around, for […]